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Thread: Help! Need "parenting a son" advice.

  1. #1
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
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    Help! Need "parenting a son" advice.

    This is sort of off course, but since there's so many friendly people here at the FORT, I thought I'd give it a stab and see if someone has a similar dilemma. Anyone out there with a young son that has trouble in school behaviorally? My son is 7 and seems to enjoy being the center of attention and class clown. He talks all the time, rushes through his work and makes careless mistakes so he can get to the fun stuff, doesn't follow directions, is highly disorganized and forgetful BUT he has the heart of gold and is very kind to his friends and teachers and really tries very hard to please. He is very smart and good at a lot of different things.

    I am beginning to be very worried about him because I don't want him to "dislike" school or have poor self esteem if he's getting in trouble all the time. I also have a very hard time knowing the right thing to do when he comes home from school with all these notes. If he's making A's and B's, but his conduct is a "U", how do I punish him, do I punish him, etc. for "talking too much"? I feel like I have tried every trick in the book to get him to see the light

    I didn't have a lot of parental guidance growing up so I feel sort of like I'm blind leading the blind as a parent. A lot of the time I find myself wondering if this is just typical of boys, or is my child "the kid that's going to spend a lot of time at the principal's office".

    Thanks!

    Anybody else that can relate?

  2. #2
    Premium Member FinallyHere's Avatar
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    I would talk to the teacher and or school guidance counselor. Since the teacher is with your child for however many hours a day, and presumably have a decent background in this stuff, he or she should be able to give you some insight into the possible cause for the 'problem'. Once you have an idea what the root of the problem is, it will be easier to find a solution.
    Some people are like slinkies, they're useless until you push them down the stairs.

  3. #3
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    My only child is all of two years old so this I have no idea. I will pass along what a friend of mine did (although if you work it could be a problem). Her son was having the same kind of trouble and she took a couple days off of work and went and sat in his classroom. She arranged it with the teacher beforehand, and she sat in the back of the classroom. The teacher told the students my friend was there as part of a 'project'. Anyway, she would observe her son and then discuss what had transpired that day with him at home. When he had been good, she would tell him what she liked about how he acted. When he was bad, she would tell him what it was she didn't like. It really seemed to work for their particular situation. As I said, though, I have no personal experience in that area.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  4. #4
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FinallyHere
    I would talk to the teacher and or school guidance counselor. Since the teacher is with your child for however many hours a day, and presumably have a decent background in this stuff, he or she should be able to give you some insight into the possible cause for the 'problem'. Once you have an idea what the root of the problem is, it will be easier to find a solution.
    That is what I was also going to suggest.

    He sounds very sweet.

    Also, maybe you can have a quiet time with him and re-explain about school behavior vs home or at play behavior. You might want to start with something positive first. Besides explaining about the school rules also help him to understand why they have those rules.

    Let him know how happy you are with his grades and friendliness. If he acts up again, let him know that he is doing the behavior that is unacceptable and he will get punished if it continues but, because he is so smart and good, you are sure that he will stop it. If it continues, punish him. If that still continues, seek help.

    I don't understand how he can rush through his work, make mistakes and still get As and Bs. If the teachers are just giving the good grades away, that will not help either.

    Good luck and let us know how he comes along.

  5. #5
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    Thanks FinallyHere and Stargazer for the good opinions! I actually have a parent conference today to see if I can get to the root of the matter. But I haven't slept and if I did, I dreamed about it. I'm way too stressed out about it.

    Ugggg! Why is parenting so hard?

    Edited to add a thanks to Eldee! I've wondered the same thing myself about his grades and I think it has been a case of the teacher bringing it to his attention to re-do his work and then he gets the answers right. I plan to talk about this as well!
    Last edited by Igotalife; 12-03-2003 at 02:50 PM.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ineedalife
    ....Ugggg! Why is parenting so hard?
    If you think that parenting is hard, good for you! Many parents think if they just feed and shelter their children, then their job is all done.

    BTW, does he eat and sleep well?

    Don't forget to take care of yourself too!

  7. #7
    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    It could be HDAD(?) too. I know where you're coming from. My son is only 3 1/2 and it seems like he's been a total spaz lately! I hope it's not a sign of things to come.

  8. #8
    Premium Member FinallyHere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ineedalife
    Ugggg! Why is parenting so hard?
    You mean it doesn't get easier. I have a 2 yr old and a 7 month old - I thought this was the hard part.
    Some people are like slinkies, they're useless until you push them down the stairs.

  9. #9
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    Eldee-I do take my job as a parent very seriously. I love both of my children very much. Thank you for saying that.

    The little guy goes to sleep at 8:00 sharp and wakes up at 6:30 (he's always been a solid sleeper) and he's always had a healthy appetite. He plays a lot with his friends so he gets plenty of exercise. He's very organized at home and does all of his chores without asking and I reward him for it. That is why I don't understand what is going on with him at school.


  10. #10
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    LOL FinallyHere

    Here is your seat belt... you have a heck of a roller coaster in store for you


    Its really hard to develop a plan of action without knowing all of the variables ineedalife. I hope the teacher conference sheds some light for you. Maybe tomorrow, with the info you garner from the teacher some of us could offer some advice.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

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