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Thread: Things I wonder about,, do you?

  1. #91
    FORT Fogey
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    How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

    . If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?


    What's another word for thesaurus?

    Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

    What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

  2. #92
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    FG- thanks, but I can't take the credit. I didn't make any of those up. Received em in an email earlier. Here's a couple more:

    Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

    Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

    What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

    Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

    If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

    Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

  3. #93
    FORT Fogey
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    Before sliced bread what was the greatest thing?

  4. #94
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    More Steven Wright lines that I heard years ago and still remember (verbatim, I think). He's hilarious.

    I came home and discovered that someone had robbed my apartment and replaced everything with an exact duplicate.

    I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  5. #95
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    How do you know when your invisible ink has run out?

    My friend has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

    I put instant coffee in my microwave, and went back in time.

    (that's a couple more SW quotes)

  6. #96
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    These are so funny and clever!!!
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  7. #97
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Just a couple more I happen to remember off the top of my head...

    I have a 1:1 scale map of the world. At the bottom it says "1 mile equals 1 mile." I can never get it folded right.

    I want to get a full-size tattoo of myself, only taller.

    Black holes are where God divided by zero.

    Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    I drive way to fast to worry about cholesterol.

    If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

    Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

    Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

    Guests who kill talk show hosts - on the last Geraldo!

    I used to work at a hydrant manufacturer. I couldn't park anywhere near the place.

    My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.

    If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

    I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

    The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

  8. #98
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    I forgot about the strobe lights one! That's one of my favorites of his.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  9. #99
    Princess
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    - those are great, John!!

  10. #100
    eny
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    FORT Fogey
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    Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all"?

    Why isn't there butt-flavored dog food?

    Can I set my laser printer on stun?

    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

    If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
    crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

    Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

    The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

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