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Thread: I Need Advice on My Love Life

  1. #21
    dvm
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    Thanks, eldee, you are such a sweetheart!

    He's never been married and has no illegitamate kids. He's also not the "playa" type.... TRUST ME!

  2. #22
    FORT Fogey
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    I would imagine that more than likely your parents are having a "shock reaction" rather than an appropriate response or the response you wanted. You have known about this man for a long time now and they really knew nothing and had sort of a "bomb" dropped on them. They may have hoped to stop the relationship by the action or it is a form of denial. They obviously need some time and to digest the information and to see that you are serious about him. Of course their natural paternal instincts are going to come out to protect you and their family.

    If they are still not talking to you , perhaps you could write a letter, be understanding of their position and feelings. Explain how your relationship has evolved, give as much information as you can about him to them and then ask them to talk with you so you can answer any questions. Ask them to please meet him, not necessarily to approve of him but to at least meet him and see what he is about. Hopefully at some point since they love you they will see how you could love him. One question are there past mistakes in your life that would cause them to question your judgement? If so, adress those points and above all behave at all times like a mature person who can handle a more mature relationship.

  3. #23
    The new me! Feifer's Avatar
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    I would also like to give you some additional advice. Though my advice stems from a different realationship from the one in the previous post, it applies to every relationship. If a man tells you that you spend too much time with your family and that you have too many friends, be suspicious. Some people try to isolate others as a form of control. While you would certainly choose to be with your boyfriend whenever you can; he should not be your only friend. Your family and friends are very important. If it does not work out with this(or any) man, then your family and friends will be there for support as they should be if it does work out. It is important to keep good friends and family involved in your life. Your life should be full with friends and family that will celebrate the people and things that are important to you. Remember that a man does not complete you. You are a complete individual person on your own. The people in your life should add to it. There is a lot of give and take in a good relationship. If you find that one person just takes and takes and takes without giving anything then they are not looking out for your best interests and you should step back and evaluate what you really want from that relationship. This is true of the "love of your life" as well as any other friends. I wish you the best.
    Last edited by Feifer; 09-24-2003 at 01:51 PM.
    It occurred to me that no matter how bleak things might seem at times, at least I have a head. ----Stargazer

  4. #24
    Mmmmmm, cheese tracylee's Avatar
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    FWIW, I dated and lived with many losers, then gave up all together for a few years, changed to a good career, bought my own house, etc. Then, at 34 I met the man who is now my husband. He's 20 years and 3 days older than I. He has a 22 year old son and is 3 years younger than my Mom, 6 years younger than my Dad. He retired almost a year ago after working for the State for 35 years. My parents love him. Alot of it is because he is financially stable, but also because they genuinely just like him. He and my Mom have many mutual friends and co-workers, and are actually alot alike. He worries more about the age thing than I do, I'm just thrilled to have a mature man around, one that I can trust not to make a fool of himself in polite company and doesn't have to cling to me in social situations!

    My aunt married a man 30 years older than she when she was 17. He just passed away a last year, and she's in her early 60s, so I'll let y'all do the math, but they were very happy.

    I'm not sure I'd recommend an older man for someone who is very young and has not had much experience.
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  5. #25
    dvm
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    I feel like I'm on a retreat with my girlfriends...

  6. #26
    FORT Fogey
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    Starts to braid dvm's hair. You are very young and it is a lot to consider and one thing to remember is your parents have known and will be the people who will know you most of your life. Their true heart is to see you happy and safe. Don't dismiss their advice and feelings.

  7. #27
    Premium Member Yeti Long Shot: Porpoheus Champion
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    D - Since I am your parents' age, and have a couple of daughters about your age, I am hoping I can relate. And maybe help?

    It definitely sounds like you have a power struggle going on with your parents. And guess what? They're not going to come around. Lucky you gets to do all the work. Obviously since you know your parents and none of the rest of us do, you'll have to decide what is appropriate.

    The one thing I've noticed in all of my relationship issues is that a little humor will go a long way. You say you are not on speaking terms? If that is so, you are going to have to get to them in a more creative manner. You may have to swallow your pride and grovel at their feet. As a parent, I always appreciate it when my kids do that. And as a daughter, I've gotten pretty good at doing that, and my mom really appreciates it.

    Bribery? Can you bribe your parents? Cards? Flowers? Jumping in front of a bus so they have to come see you in the hospital? Okay, that's a little harsh, but you get my drift.

    My family is very non-confrontational, so cards and letters are constantly flying back and forth. It works for us, I don't know if it would work for you. And it's so much easier to grovel when you don't have to look directly at the butt you are kissing. And that may take a while, even tho parents are pretty willing to forgive a groveling child. So grab the wheel, suck up your pride and lure your parents back into your good graces. With as much light-hearted love and humor as you can muster. It appears that boyfriend will be patient and wait while you work on your parents. That's a very good thing.

    So, to attempt to wrap this up without being too serious, we all have good intentions here, we adore you and want the very best for you. Even your parents want that for you, even tho it doesn't seem like it. You will always be their little girl, no matter how old and independent you are. Oh, and by the way, I'm 44 and my mom still treats me like I'm 14. I guess because I act 14.

    Loving and wanting to help, JD.


    Disclaimer - the management of JDizzle does not claim any responsibility for anything that comes out of her fingers and she speaks only from personal experience and does not claim to know her butt from a hole in the ground.

  8. #28
    dvm
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    I love you guys!!!!

    JD you are Da Bomb! Thanks for the advice.

  9. #29
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    I feel really lucky to have parents that have never tried to exert any influence on me about who I've chosen to date. They deliberately have nothing but nice things to say about every boyfriend they've ever met. Being very close to my parents, I can't imagine the distress it would cause me if they were to react as your parents have in a similar situation.

    I found Feifer's advice to be absolutely wonderful. She is a very smart lady, and having read her words I really don't think there is much I can add.

    I hope everything works out in a way that will bring you happiness and satisfaction.

  10. #30
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvm
    I feel like I'm on a retreat with my girlfriends...
    Does that mean I have to leave?

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