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Thread: I Need Advice on My Love Life

  1. #11
    dvm
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    You know, we've joked about it and it would solve a lot of ST problems. However, I think it will harm more than alleviate things in the long-run.

  2. #12
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvm
    You know, we've joked about it and it would solve a lot of ST problems. However, I think it will harm more than alleviate things in the long-run.
    Oh, please don't! It's the parent in me again coming out. That would ony give your parents more reasons for not liking him. As a father I would be livid! Not only would he be stealing my daughter, he would be taking away my ability to give my baby away on her (and my) big day.

  3. #13
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unklescott
    Oh, please don't! It's the parent in me again coming out. That would ony give your parents more reasons for not liking him. As a father I would be livid! Not only would he be stealing my daughter, he would be taking away my ability to give my baby away on her (and my) big day.
    You're sweet. Don't worry, I wouldn't.

  4. #14
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a story about my best friend. To make a long story short, He married a woman that they did not approve of (for various reasons, but age, her divorce and the kids were parts of it). And there was a period of time where they were not on speaking terms. But after time has gone by, cooler heads prevailed.

    You, DVM, like my friend, have to follow your heart. Realise though that thats not always going to be easy. Although your family means well, you need them to know that pressure of this sort is not going to stop you from following your heart.

    Ultimately, they SHOULD come around.
    Last edited by senrik; 09-24-2003 at 01:06 PM.
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  5. #15
    hellooooooo sher's Avatar
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    dvm, may i ask how old you are before getting into my opinions on this?

  6. #16
    The new me! Feifer's Avatar
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    When I was 20 I dated a man who was 36. We had a lot of fun together and it was nice to be around someone who had different experiences than I had in my life. He liked that I had a ton of energy and enjoyed many of the same things he did. We went dancing together at least once a week and sometimes up to three times a week. He was the best dancer I had ever danced with. We ate at intersting restaraunts with food I had never tried before. I was still living at home with my parents when I met him. I assured my parents that we were "just friends" but did not offer up any details when we moved on from "just friends". My parents met him and liked him very much, but never expressed any misgivings they might have about him for fear that I might just run off with him and never turn back(smart parents). I would house sit for him when he went our of town. I had my own key and came and went as I pleased. I loved going to his house out in the country and cooking for him and him cooking for me. It was the first "truely-grown-up" relationship I had ever had. It was very exciting at times and very simple at other times. I helped him do lawn work and home improvements. I really could see my life with this man. The funny thing is that we never really had a "break-up". He got a better job in a different city and moved away without much fuss. There was no teary, heartfelt goodbye. Once he settled in to his new home, he called me and wrote to me. He expressed more than once that he felt he made a mistake not taking me with him, but as it turns out, I am glad he did not. I had so much growing to do before I was ready to settle down and become someone's wife. Not one person could have told me that at that time in my live. I was convinced that he was "The One" for me. At different times in our lives we have met up here and there. Any time he moves or gets a new job he sends me a card with his new information. Before I got married he would send me birthday, St. Patrick's day, Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas cards. I have lost touch with him over the past few years but I am not really sad about that. I have a wonderful life and I am sure he does too. I would never want to do anything to disrupt either of our presently happy lives. My time with him was very sweet and I treasure the lessons I learned from him and with him. I truely believe that he made me a better person, wife and mother in my present life. There is not one thing I would change about that experience.

    My hope for you is that you do not rush into anything. If he is the man for you then he will stick around as long as it takes for you to grow into the woman you need to be to embark on a life as a wife and possibly a mother. You have plenty of time. Though I do not know how old you are, remember that you have the rest of your life to make big life decisions. Take one day at time and enjoy it to the fullest. Make no hasty decisions. Enjoy the time you spend with your boyfriend and with your family. Who knows? Maybe one day you will marry this man and your parents could be fine with it. Time will reveal all. just remember that your family loves you very much and that they want what is best for you. They have many more years of life experience under their belts. Does that make them experts on your relationship? No. Do they have wisdom you may have not gained yet? Yes. Just know that you are certaily loved on both sides of this situation and that can make things confusing. Take the time to figure it out for yourself with help and love from both sides. You will certainly work it all out.
    It occurred to me that no matter how bleak things might seem at times, at least I have a head. ----Stargazer

  7. #17
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    dvm! Didn't know you were going through this now (although I do remember seeing the potential mother-in-law horrors you've spoken of many times, ay yi yi)

    I have almost nothing interesting or worthwhile to say. I've never been in the situation, and have only had friends in the situation in which the man really was only interested in them for certain reasons...

    That said, I hope everything works out, and I just wanted to add my two cents of support.

    One thing: if you have a great relationship with your parents, I'm assuming that they'll eventually come around, especially if they keep witnessing the relationship lasting and staying strong.

    Good luck!

    (edited to add: Feifer and all...very touching and helpful stories, I think. Everyone at the FORT is so helpful...very nice....)
    Last edited by Shazzer; 09-24-2003 at 12:49 PM.
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  8. #18
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Geez, Feifer, you just made me tear up sitting here. That was the sweetest thing I've read in along time. That is the best advice for this situation.

  9. #19
    dvm
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    Awwww, thanks Feifer... you're going to make me cry

    Oh, and I'm 23, Sher.

  10. #20
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    DVM, regardless of your parents initial reaction, the good thing is that they love and care for you very much.

    I don't know if they voiced specific questions and concerns regarding the relationship. If not, then maybe you could be the one to bring them up.

    *Why isn't he married? (A player or commitment issues). *If he was married, is he paying alimony through the nose (financial-will he be able to provide well for you?) *Why was he divorce? (Will it happen with you too?) *Does he have children? (If he had to choose, where would his preference and loyalty be?) *Why did he "pick" such a younger girlfriend and is that his "trend". (Sorry, they might ask if he is a d.o.m.) *In twenty years, will he be young or healthy enough to be a dad? (Will he be an active and good dad to any kids you might have or will you be taking care of him?) *Will your age difference work against you as time goes on? (Are there enough similarities to keep you together?)

    Did he want to meet your parents before. After two years of not meeting possible in-laws or son-in-law has to be hard on both parties.

    Maybe after there is a long discussion between you and your parents, you can reiterate what he means to you and how you plan to live your life with him.

    Remember, not only have your parents not even met him in an informal way, this "stranger" is now planning to marry their "girl" and that must be a shocker itself. (Not a shocker that he wants to marry you.) Definately, don't elope!!! Unkle Scott is right. Plus, would you want your marriage to have such a "sneaky" and drab beginning?

    IMO, it's not a good idea to have to choose. Ultimately, to some extent everyone will lose and there will be bad and hurt feelings.

    If your parents are anything like you, I'm sure they will be willing to listen and act in the best way to make you happy.

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