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Thread: Funny Quotes

  1. #31
    On ice duckgirl's Avatar
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    "I can't be getting a truck. I have a reputation to protect.” – Teemu Selanne who didn’t want to get a hat trick at the all-star game because that might earn him MVP honours and the prize of a new truck. Selanne collects automobiles and has 15 cars in the United States.

    “Bud Light.” – Keith Tkachuk when asked to name his favourite sports drink in the St. Louis Blues media guide.

    "So what? I can play 'Smoke on the Water.'" – Islanders goalie Garth Snow’s retort after giving up a goal to one of the band members of Nickelback in a scrimmage.

    “I think we're all pretty much sick of it. If it's like kissing your sister, we're just going to have to marry the girl because this is getting obscene.” – Carolina Hurricanes head coach Paul Maurice, on his club's league-leading 14 ties.

    “At least they can't go after my spleen.” - Peter Forsberg when he heard that the Los Angeles Kings would be gunning for him in the opening round of the playoffs.

    "I told her they must all be sold out.” – Wade Belak’s response to his mother when she said she couldn’t find his sweater for sale at the Leafs’ souvenir shop in the Air Canada Centre.

  2. #32
    Princess
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    DG! (And of course Forsberg was funniest!)

  3. #33
    eny
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    Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for Black men.
    Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
    (Tiger Woods)

    Hockey Joke
    Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children. The first woman says,
    "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."
    The next woman tries to top her, "Really? My son married the princess of a small European
    country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"
    The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church. Whenever he walks into a
    room, people call him your eminence!"
    The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently, and the other three look at
    her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?' She smiles and says, "Oh. Well. My son is a very large
    and handsome hockey player. Whenever he walks into a room, women say OH MY GOD...!"

  4. #34
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    Eny! Both of those are great!

  5. #35
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    This is not so much a funny quote, but a somewhat pessimistic one. True too, and as I tend to worry alot about what other think, I try to live by it.

    "You would not worry so much about what other people think of you if you only knew how seldom they did."

  6. #36
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    And here's some romantic ones:


    What the world needs now,
    Is love,
    Sweet love.
    I feel it when I when I sorrow most:
    It is better to have loved and lost
    Than never to have loved at all.

    Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam


    A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you. -Adlai Stevenson


    "Beautiful eyes are those that show ther beautiful thoughts that burn below." -?


    Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me? -Oscar , Hammerstein, II


    Never frown because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile. -Justine Milton

  7. #37
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
    -- Bertrand Russell

    "Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town."
    -- Steve Martin (at the 2001 Oscars)

    "Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?"
    -- Steven Spielberg

    "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
    -- Robert Orben

  8. #38
    eny
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    Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

    I have no interest in Shakespeare and all that British nonsense...I just wanted to get famous. All the rest is hogwash. -- Anthony Hopkins

    The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources-.Albert Einstein (not Norman)

    You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.-Frank Zappa

  9. #39
    FORT Regular Bonker's Avatar
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    It's a shame that entire familes can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs. - Jack Handy

    A few quotes from some "Coupling" characters:

    It’s not genetically possible for men to have opinions about fabric. - Steve

    Here on earth there is a gap between seeing someone you like and having sex with them, that we like to call conversation. - Steve

    Bottoms are our natural enemy... They follow us around our entire lives, right behind us, and constantly growing. How do they do that? I’m sure mine’s back there secretly snacking. - Jane

    When man invented fire, he didn’t say, 'hey, let’s cook', he said, 'great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark.' - Steve

    I like films with lesbians in them because it’s nice to think there are attractive women out there who can’t find a boyfriend. Patrick


    "Oh, wouldn’t that be great... being a lesbian. All the advantages of being a man, but with less embarrassing genitals." - Jeff

    "I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding." - Jeff

    "it’s a bad idea to actually count women’s breasts. The whole bus stares at you." - Jeff

    "Having a girlfriend is like legalised sex." - Jeff





    Last edited by Bonker; 12-07-2002 at 10:52 PM.

  10. #40
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
    And at the ripe old age of 39 I finally learn why I've met so many beautiful women in my life, and so few charmers! Who knew?!!!

    "It's not you, it's me. I just don't find you attractive." Breakup line by Unknown

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