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Thread: how to break up

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    FORT Regular marvine's Avatar
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    how to break up

    Thought I'd start a thread on this topic, and add to our wisdom on dating and relationships on this board.

    What is the best way to break up a relationship? What's the best way to let down a friend who has a a crush on you? And what's the best way to deal with things if you're the one left behind?

  2. #2
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Stepping up to offer my 2 cents or ramble incoherently... you decide.

    If you're breaking up - be honest and make it clear what your true intentions are. If you want to be friends, fine... but don't say you want to be friends if you don't. You're just leaving a window open for them and will hurt them in the long run. Also... don't break up unless you're sure you want to break up. I have had a few friends play mind games and 'break up' with their boyfriends expecting that he'll come crawling back to them. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

    If someone you're not interested is interested in you - Ah, this sucks so bad. This is so hard for me because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and come across like a bitch. I had the son of my mother's friend after me for about a year. It was so awkward because if I was mean to him, I'd be sure to hear ALLLL about it. He'd bring me presents and call me all the time. I'd say, "Thanks, but I'm really not interested in dating anyone" (I wasn't at the time) and he'd offer to be friends. I'd brush off that idea and he'd say... "Well, maybe you'll need someone's shoulder to cry on someday... feel free to call." Oh, he was so desperate and pathetic. He'd leave me little presents and would start showing up unexpected with flowers and candles and crap. I'd try to refuse and he would just leave it on the front step of my apartment. Finally I freaked out at him and told him he was creeping me out. I never heard from him again, but I felt guilty for about 2 straight weeks.

    If someone dumps you - I have no answer. It's so hard. Keep busy, surround yourself with people who care about you and do your best to feel good about yourself.

  3. #3
    CITY OF CHAMPS! aliasmq's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Filangi
    Stepping up to offer my 2 cents or ramble incoherently... you decide.

    If you're breaking up - be honest and make it clear what your true intentions are. If you want to be friends, fine... but don't say you want to be friends if you don't. You're just leaving a window open for them and will hurt them in the long run. Also... don't break up unless you're sure you want to break up. I have had a few friends play mind games and 'break up' with their boyfriends expecting that he'll come crawling back to them. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

    If someone you're not interested is interested in you - Ah, this sucks so bad. This is so hard for me because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and come across like a bitch. I had the son of my mother's friend after me for about a year. It was so awkward because if I was mean to him, I'd be sure to hear ALLLL about it. He'd bring me presents and call me all the time. I'd say, "Thanks, but I'm really not interested in dating anyone" (I wasn't at the time) and he'd offer to be friends. I'd brush off that idea and he'd say... "Well, maybe you'll need someone's shoulder to cry on someday... feel free to call." Oh, he was so desperate and pathetic. He'd leave me little presents and would start showing up unexpected with flowers and candles and crap. I'd try to refuse and he would just leave it on the front step of my apartment. Finally I freaked out at him and told him he was creeping me out. I never heard from him again, but I felt guilty for about 2 straight weeks.

    If someone dumps you - I have no answer. It's so hard. Keep busy, surround yourself with people who care about you and do your best to feel good about yourself.
    Miss F. , Great advice!

  4. #4
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    If someone dumps you The thing that always seemed to help is to surround yourself with other things to do, prefereably things that involve thinking, to keep your mind off of things. Do that for at least two weeks, just to keep your mind off of the breakup. This gives enough time to be able to get some detachedness to the issue and to think about it clearly. After all, there is always someone else out there, right? Sure they are out there, and likely looking for you. Life goes on, but sometimes you have to force yourself to let it go on.
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

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    CITY OF CHAMPS! aliasmq's Avatar
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    If you are in love with someone and the feeling isn't mutual, move on and deal, :mad: it's hard at first but the less you see or talk to that person makes it much easier

  6. #6
    It was you. splatty's Avatar
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    if you've been hurt, write about it . . and then post it in our "my art" thread.

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    Adelitas Way 7.14.09 libra1022's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Filangi

    If you're breaking up - be honest and make it clear what your true intentions are. If you want to be friends, fine... but don't say you want to be friends if you don't.
    If someone dumps you - I have no answer. It's so hard. Keep busy, surround yourself with people who care about you and do your best to feel good about yourself.
    PERFECT Miss F!!

    I've been on the receiving end of breakups lately and SO much prefer when my dumper is honest about things!! Guy #1 was beautifully honest and we have been able to maintain a great friendship and are actually getting along better than ever now. Guy #2 drug stuff on and hem hawed around until fumbling his way thru breaking it off with the friends thing, which was painfully insincere, so I haven't bothered to return any of his PM's or phone calls.

    As far as dealing with breakups, there is no easy way besides keeping yourself very busy, atleast for me. I bury myself with projects and work and catch up with my friends and family spending lots of time with them.

    Being the one to have to say you aren't interested..*sigh*..that's always really hard because I hate to be the one to have to hurt somebody, but sometimes it's just gotta be done. I admit I'm a wuss here and try to just avoid the person/calls/contact with the person for a while and see if that works. Sometimes it does, sometimes not and I end up in very awkward conversations trying to be as honest as I can without making the other person feel like scum.

  8. #8
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    I hate being dumped. Ugh. I'd also echo the idea that it's best not to see them if you can't 'just' be friends. You will never move on if your hands are full carrying a torch for them.

    My sister's motto is 'an ex is an ex for a reason'.

  9. #9
    They're so cute! brenna's Avatar
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    I can totally relate to you Miss F with the guy that wouldn't leave you alone. I had that happen once, and he kept coming back with "let's go out as friends, then". I felt really badly rejecting him twice, but he wouldn't get the picture. Mine was a creep too. I eventually had to call the police on him. Hey, come to think of it. What part of Canada do you live in. Maybe we're talking about the same guy!!!

    Seriously, though, my dating experience is very limited (read: none). But I think the best thing you can do is just be honest. It's better to be really clear that you're not interested, then letting someone think you can be best buds. Maybe if I had been a little bit more of a b**ch, the guy would have gone away on his own.
    It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

  10. #10
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brenna
    Seriously, though, my dating experience is very limited (read: none). But I think the best thing you can do is just be honest. It's better to be really clear that you're not interested, then letting someone think you can be best buds. Maybe if I had been a little bit more of a b**ch, the guy would have gone away on his own.
    I agree with that... even though it is likely to hurt someone the most, its better to be direct and dispense with the 'its not you, its me' BS. Breakups are supposed to hurt, I suppose.... otherwise they wouldn't be breakups, right?

    (speaking from distant memory at least. haven't dealt with such things in a while)
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

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