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Thread: how to break up

  1. #11
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by splatty
    if you've been hurt, write about it . . and then post it in our "my art" thread.
    hmm, I've posted some stuff on the 'my art' thread.... hmm, should I be offended
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  2. #12
    Hypermediocrity Amanda's Avatar
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    The best way to end a relationship I know a lot of people so far have been advocating the honest approach, but sometimes I think that complete honesty in these situations can be unnecessarily cruel. For instance, nobody wants to hear that they just don't do it for you anymore. While I think that yes, you need to be very clear that the relationship is over without leaving the possibility for reconciliation open, I also think that this is one of those times where white lies can be kind. Instead of saying "It took me six months to realize that you're dumber than dirt", you can say "I think we've gone in different directions, and I don't have it in me to bridge that gap right now." I've always put the majority of blame on myself in a breakup, simply to avoid hurting the person more than they already will be. I don't expect everyone to agree with that, but it makes ME happier to do it that way.

    Letting down a non-mutual crush If this person is really a friend, saying "I just don't have those feelings for you." ought to suffice. If they're persistent, say it more than once. If they continue, then they've left all semblance of mannerly/appropriate behavior behind, and I see no reason not to respond in kind. You don't owe someone better treatment than they give you. You just don't. Period.

    Getting over a breakup Here's another way I differ somewhat from previous answers. When someone hurts me deeply, I don't even bother to try to keep my mind off of it. Screw it. Wallow in the pain for a while. This makes me sound like some angst-ridden masochist, but I'm really not. It's just that I know for me that the pain isn't going to magically disappear if I ignore it, so I'd rather deal with it immediately. Spend a week crying in bed, eating junk food and listening to songs that make you cry. Indulge in the "they'll be back!" fantasy. Watch chick flicks about perfect love. Then watch chick flicks about unrequited love. Let yourself believe that you're the first one to ever feel pain like this. You'll get sick of it soon enough, and, at least for me - voila! You wake up one morning realizing that you've moved on. No little nagging, hidden psychological issues that you find popping up years later while you sit on a shrink's couch discussing your inability to commit/trust people.

    This is all such a subjective thing, though. Anything that anyone posts may or may not work for the next person.

  3. #13
    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Let me know when there is a "how NOT to break up" thread, and I'll put my two cents in...I clearly don't belong here!
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  4. #14
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    As a suggestion for one of Amanda's getting over the breakup tips, I'd highly recommend "Somewhere in Time."

  5. #15
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    I recall a book by Ben Stein regarding tips on how to louse up a relationship.... this seems like the appropriate place to mention it.
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  6. #16
    FORT Fogey
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmandaG
    Getting over a breakup Here's another way I differ somewhat from previous answers. When someone hurts me deeply, I don't even bother to try to keep my mind off of it. Screw it. Wallow in the pain for a while. This makes me sound like some angst-ridden masochist, but I'm really not. It's just that I know for me that the pain isn't going to magically disappear if I ignore it, so I'd rather deal with it immediately. Spend a week crying in bed, eating junk food and listening to songs that make you cry. Indulge in the "they'll be back!" fantasy. Watch chick flicks about perfect love. Then watch chick flicks about unrequited love. Let yourself believe that you're the first one to ever feel pain like this. You'll get sick of it soon enough, and, at least for me - voila! You wake up one morning realizing that you've moved on. No little nagging, hidden psychological issues that you find popping up years later while you sit on a shrink's couch discussing your inability to commit/trust people.

    This is all such a subjective thing, though. Anything that anyone posts may or may not work for the next person.
    This worked for me. We had been going out for about six-ish months and I was DEVASTATED, especially because he dumped me on my birthday AND on the phone..... ( DONT do that... BAAAADDD move) I cried my little eyes out and listened to No Doubts "Dont Speak" over and over and over and I put on sweatpants and just lied down and watched TV. And then I kinda had to get over it fast because I had school the next day (weird story about this - my ex's name was Alex and the day after he dumped me, we started studying Alexander the Great in school. I actually crossed out his name every time I saw it in our little packet thing.... I was crazy!!!)


    Um how to dump someone-- uh Don't do it on the phone/online or have a friend tell them for you. Also, don't tell the entire school before you actually dump them. One of my friends had this happen to her, so the entire school knew he was gonna dump her and so they spent the whole day saying "Its going to be okay, just don't think too much about it" and she seriously had nooo idea what they were talking about.

  7. #17
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    I think wallowing is healthy. If you know when is enough. Everything in moderation.

    I'm the kind of person that will feel sorry for myself for days and start obsessing.

  8. #18
    They're so cute! brenna's Avatar
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    I don't see a problem with wallowing either. Having never been in an actual relationship myself, I couldn't really say what works best for me, but I think that wallowing is better than the 'find someone else quick attitude'
    Be sad for a little bit. Wallow. Eat crap. Then take some time by yourself. No significant others. I really don't see a problem with being single.
    Of course I'm only speaking logically, as opposed to emotionally, but I like to think that that's how I'd do it.
    It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

  9. #19
    Fade to black
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    Quote Originally Posted by brenna
    Eat crap.
    Ummm, I might be depressed when I break up, but I ain't that depressed.

    I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's eyes... but why... why... why can't it be me?

  10. #20
    FORT Fogey sonormal's Avatar
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    Meh. Me? I wallow. Wallow wallow wallow-- even if the break-up had a warning signal of bells-and-whistles for months and months and months...It's hard on the heart, and when the heart isn't as involved, it's hard on the ego...

    I'm having my own little situation with a guy I'm not even dating...guh. Life's complications.

    I usually write the offending party long-winded emails, and if i am smart, i save the draft and don't send it...at least not right away. Usually it helps to get all the anger, hurt and stuff out-- and then you feel so much better you are able to articulate how you feel better to said party...else you are able to find a moment's peace in the cathartic release.

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