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Thread: Member Poetry, Submissions and criticism

  1. #11
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    "the stink on the street"
    The stink on the street
    is a combination of things
    Old forgotten sweat
    and jeans held together with pins.

    The trash on the street
    as they rummage
    It fills the air with their pong
    and offends our sense of taste.

    The stink on the street
    are not those ON the street
    it is us, in our minds
    because we let it happen.

    ~senrik 8/8/2003
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  2. #12
    Nerds Just Wanna Have Fun Boredom's Avatar
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    Ok, this is just because I'm bored (wow, who could have guessed that)

    Govenor

    I hear there's someone running
    For govenor of Cal-i-forn-i-a
    Good that I don't live there,
    And I don't have a say,
    because if I did, I must admit
    My pick I would not know,
    because the choices, the choices
    Are terrible. So,
    Let us go through the list,
    of prospective canidates,
    before time to vote comes around
    and we are far to late...

    There's Gary Coleman, who we all know,
    from being on different strokes,
    And William Pratt, who, in high school
    can't get student council votes,
    The Terminator, Ahnold,
    is running in this too,
    Along with D.L. Hughley,
    Who makes me laugh until i'm blue,
    We've got a couple of politicians,
    Who before have run,
    Then we've got a man named Gallagher,
    Who smashes watermelons for fun.
    In the race for this office
    there is a porn star,
    And Angelyne, a model,
    who get ogles in a bar,
    There is Jack Grisham, a Rock singer,
    we need a canidate who's that,
    And how, of course, can we forget,
    Cruz Bustamonte, the democrat.

    Good that I don't live there,
    And I don't have a say,
    Because some crazy people are running
    For Govenor in Cal-i-forn-i-a.

  3. #13
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boredouttamind
    Ok, this is just because I'm bored (wow, who could have guessed that)

    Govenor

    I hear there's someone running
    For govenor of Cal-i-forn-i-a
    Good that I don't live there,
    And I don't have a say,
    because if I did, I must admit
    My pick I would not know,
    because the choices, the choices
    Are terrible. So,
    Let us go through the list,
    of prospective canidates,
    before time to vote comes around
    and we are far to late...

    There's Gary Coleman, who we all know,
    from being on different strokes,
    And William Pratt, who, in high school
    can't get student council votes,
    The Terminator, Ahnold,
    is running in this too,
    Along with D.L. Hughley,
    Who makes me laugh until i'm blue,
    We've got a couple of politicians,
    Who before have run,
    Then we've got a man named Gallagher,
    Who smashes watermelons for fun.
    In the race for this office
    there is a porn star,
    And Angelyne, a model,
    who get ogles in a bar,
    There is Jack Grisham, a Rock singer,
    we need a canidate who's that,
    And how, of course, can we forget,
    Cruz Bustamonte, the democrat.

    Good that I don't live there,
    And I don't have a say,
    Because some crazy people are running
    For Govenor in Cal-i-forn-i-a.

    LOL you got the whole cast and characters... good job. and you're not even in cal-i-forn-i-a.
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  4. #14
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Ok here goes another one.
    The End of Things

    At the end of things
    its time to reflect
    what was right, what was wrong
    what was the right choice in life.

    Its hard to decide.
    was I right to do this or that
    did I say too much
    did I try too hard

    finally our choices are made
    our lives are through
    and what remains are memories
    of those around us.

    ~senrik 8/8/2003
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  5. #15
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Note: in this case I use the term 'Stalker' loosely. Everyone calls someone a stalker if they are getting unwanted attention, even if it isn't a criminal act. Thats what I am referring to

    The Stalker

    You call me a Stalker
    But I'm just one who never knew
    That the attention I was giving
    was not wanted by you

    You took me in you confidence
    And i found the will to smile
    All the while I thought you knew
    That I had lacked the guile

    You changed your mind on me
    But how was I to know
    You cut me off and tuned me out
    I did not know what's so.

    This was a big mistake you see,
    I didn't see it, fine
    I never got the chance to see
    where you drew the line

    ~senrik 8/8/2003
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  6. #16
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    This one is self explanatory

    The days of our lives.

    A moment slips by
    and another
    and soon
    the day seems to drift along
    as we put one leg in tommorrow
    And one to yesterday
    we piss on today.
    Time slips away
    slowly, inexorably
    as we worry over things already done
    and things yet to be.

    ~senrik 8/8/2003
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  7. #17
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    The midnight muse strikes again. At least she was kind enough to give me another half hour of sleep tonight.

    This was not actually written for anyone in particular, jut kind of an amalgam of people that have been in my life. do you notice yourself there?

    Pictures in my mind

    My mind keeps picturing things
    Images of long ago, faces of you
    they still play tricks on me.
    Words that shouldn't have been said
    Sad words, from you and I,
    They built over the years
    the goal. to tear us down
    I wish I could take back those words
    If that could bring hope for today
    I'm left with pictures in my mind.
    Because I'm empty without you.


    ~senrik 8/9/2003
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  8. #18
    ~*Perfect Princess*~ Blazingorchidlv's Avatar
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    My poems

    I have a website of poems. I would appreciate it if you guys would visit it and give me your critiques on it. Good or bad. One of the poems on there is actually a published poem I wrote. http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=blazingorchidlv

    Those are just a couple of my MANY poems. But I'll be adding to it as often as I can. Please give me some critiques!!!!

  9. #19
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blazingorchidlv
    I have a website of poems. I would appreciate it if you guys would visit it and give me your critiques on it. Good or bad. One of the poems on there is actually a published poem I wrote. http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=blazingorchidlv

    Those are just a couple of my MANY poems. But I'll be adding to it as often as I can. Please give me some critiques!!!!
    I would love to critique them here actually. I've been putting them on here only recently. and I've love critique as well.
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  10. #20
    ~*Perfect Princess*~ Blazingorchidlv's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senrik
    I would love to critique them here actually. I've been putting them on here only recently. and I've love critique as well.

    I hold you close to my heart

    Just so I can push you away

    I tell you my thoughts

    Just to watch you squirm

    I look into your eyes

    Just to try to understand you

    I look deep into your soul

    Just to look away with fear

    I will never understand you

    Just because I don't try

    I will never again feel the gentleness of your touch

    Just because I was too stupid to see

    I will never taste your sweet lips again

    Just because I was to naive to listen

    I will never again be close to you

    Just because I never really cared

    This is my most recent poem I wrote a couple weeks ago.

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