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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #981
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Bran Muffins

    Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

    One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside.

    He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. And their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

    Sam asked how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," their companion replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

    Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.

    "This is heaven," the companion replied. "You can play for free, every day."

    Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said their companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

    The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.

    "That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

    Sam pushed, "No gym to work out at?"

    "Not unless you want to," was the answer.

    "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."

    "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

    Sam glared at Edith and said, "You and your crummy bran muffins. We could have been here 15 years ago!"

  2. #982
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Yuk, yuk... that's exactly how I feel sometimes.
    Count your blessings!

  3. #983
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Good one! Wouldn't it be nice?

  4. #984
    HBK fan nilesgirl's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by Gutmutter;2734581;
    Ha, ha Newf. I just got it. heh. Didn't cheat, either. It's one of those think outside the box jokes. I read it last night and didn't get it, slept on it, and this morning looked at it and it was obvious. Love the way the mind works when you don't try too hard.
    So what's the right answer?
    Hurley: (holding up a Jesus statue) I don't know. I thought there might be a prowler or something.
    Mrs. Reyes: (grabbing the statue) Jesus Christ is not a weapon! - LOST "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1

  5. #985
    Team DAN schmoo2's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Click to see Spoiler:
    four, I believe

  6. #986
    HBK fan nilesgirl's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by schmoo2;2734874;
    Click to see Spoiler:
    four, I believe
    You are correct schmoo.
    Hurley: (holding up a Jesus statue) I don't know. I thought there might be a prowler or something.
    Mrs. Reyes: (grabbing the statue) Jesus Christ is not a weapon! - LOST "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1

  7. #987
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Ah. Knowing the answer and working it backwards, I understand how the riddle is solved. By the same logic, 50=>5; 70=>7, and 90=>6 right?

  8. #988
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    I don't get it, how does it work? I feel like a dunce.

  9. #989
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    What, did you sleep through matrix algebra, differential equations, fractals and quantum physics?

    My theory is the second number represents the number of letters in the first number.

  10. #990
    HBK fan nilesgirl's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by Newfherder;2734885;
    What, did you sleep through matrix algebra, differential equations, fractals and quantum physics?

    My theory is the second number represents the number of letters in the first number.
    Correct, Newf. There are 6 letters in the word 12 (spell it out) Therefore, if I say 12 and you say 6, you're right. There are 3 letters in the word 6. Therefore, if I say 6 and you say 3, you are right again. But there are 4 letters in the word 4 so if I say 4 and you say 2, you'd be wrong. The correct answer would be 4.
    Hurley: (holding up a Jesus statue) I don't know. I thought there might be a prowler or something.
    Mrs. Reyes: (grabbing the statue) Jesus Christ is not a weapon! - LOST "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1

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