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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #81
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    And more.... Some food for "Thought"
    Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

    Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

    Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

    If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  2. #82
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Unexplained, that's funny! If you get any more, please post them.

  3. #83
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    I was born and raised in Tennesse but I can appreciate a good joke!

    SOUTHERN HUMOR


    An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to
    the driver, "Got any ID?"
    The driver says, "'Bout what?"

    ******

    An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
    telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here - muh house
    is on fahr!"
    "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
    "Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"


    ******
    Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
    Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

    ******
    Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba
    that she would send someone out right away.
    "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
    Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
    " The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
    After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street
    and you pick her up there?"


    ****
    Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
    They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

    ******
    What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
    Documentaries


    ******
    Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner
    gets $3 a year for a million years.

    *******
    A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple
    gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.


    ******
    What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in
    Florida have in common?
    No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

    ******
    How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
    When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and
    the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead".

  4. #84
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    OMG!

    (no offense to any Southerners, then he said, "what do I need a fence for anyway?)

  5. #85
    Hypermediocrity Amanda's Avatar
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    The chicken and the egg are in bed together. The chicken is propped up, smoking a cigarette, a satisfied look on its face. The egg, on the other hand, is pissed. Looking over at the chicken, it says "Well, I guess we answered *THAT* question."

    .............................. .............................. .....

    I used to be into bestiality, S & M and necrophilia, but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

  6. #86
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    the chicken and the egg.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  7. #87
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    > > Summer Exercise Program
    > >
    > > Here's the exercise program I am using to get in shape
    > > for the summer. You might want to take it easy at
    > > first, then do it faster as you become more
    > > proficient.
    > >
    > > It may be too strenuous for some.. ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR
    > > DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM.
    > >
    > > NOW SCROLL DOWN...
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    > >
    > > NOW SCROLL UP... Feel the burn?

  8. #88
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Ajg113, that was goooood!

    People ask if I'm bi-sexual. You buy me something and I'll be sexual.

  9. #89
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    This is too funny!!! great excercise program unklescott.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  10. #90
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Originally posted by eldee
    People ask if I'm bi-sexual. You buy me something and I'll be sexual.
    I'm tri-sexual......I'll try anything sexual!

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