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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #71
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Mary and Billy are out side playing.
    Billy:"I've got a dime"
    Mary"I've got a quarter"
    Billy;"I've got a stick of gum"
    Mary: I've got a whole pack of gum"
    With that Billy drops his pants and says:"I've got one of these"
    Mary then pulls her dress up and says:"Well I've got one of these and my mommy says that with one of these I can have all of those I want!"

  2. #72
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    What does the baby bear and the backward girl from the Appalachians have in common?

  3. #73
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    I'll play your game.What does the baby bear and the backward girl from the Appalachians have in common?

  4. #74
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    They both like to suck their pa(w)s.

  5. #75
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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  6. #76
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

    A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.

    He had spiked hair in all different colors: green,red, orange, blue, and
    yellow.

    The old man just stared.

    Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

    The young man finally said sarcastically

    "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

    Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex
    with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

  7. #77
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    A good reason not to drink!

  8. #78
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    A Camping Laugh

    A very proper lady began planning a week's camping vacation for her church group. She wrote to a campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. So, she decided on the old-fashioned term "Bathroom Commode."

    Once written down she still wasn't comfortable. Finally she decided on the abbreviation "B.C." and wrote, "does your campground have its own "B.C.?"

    When the campground owner received the letter, he couldn't figure out what she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several of the campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a Baptist Church. So he sent this reply:
    ______________________________ ___
    Dear Madam:


    The B.C. is located nine miles from the campground in a beautiful grove of trees. I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly. No doubt you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week.

    Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it. The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest passages. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there. We are also having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats, as the old ones have holes in
    them.

    Unfortunately my wife is ill and has not been able to attend
    regularly. It's been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in cold weather. Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be
    there. I look forward to your visit. We offer a very friendly campground.

  9. #79
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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  10. #80
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    Anna, the lines are hilarious.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

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