+ Reply to Thread
Page 64 of 156 FirstFirst ... 14545556575859606162636465666768697071727374114 ... LastLast
Results 631 to 640 of 1560
Like Tree268Likes

Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #631
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    looking for a deal on evilBay
    Posts
    6,052
    I'm not italian by birth but I have spent the majority of my life in Italian homes with friends and boyfriends. About 90% of that list applies in every way LOL They only left off raising rabbits/pigeons in the backyard pen. My boyfriend when I was 18 was Joey he had 2 brothers, Franco and Silvio, sister Elena and of course, uncle Eguidio (E-GEE-di-oh).
    That brought back some nice memories! Thanks lildago
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  2. #632
    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Reno hell
    Posts
    3,487
    Quote Originally Posted by lildago View Post
    I got this e-mail today and thought I'd share it. My fellow Italian FORTers will relate!

    You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."
    I just stopped saying this last year. Now, everytime my husband says "sangwich" I cringe. How did I not notice it before?

    There was a saint somewhere in the yard.
    How's that saint working for you Lildago?

  3. #633
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    Posts
    7,704
    That was really funny! I wish I was Italian or married to one or at least had some Italian friends . Sadly. Not so.

    However, I did laugh because some of them do relate to my Ukrainian heritage. If you change around a few things
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  4. #634
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    Posts
    7,704
    This is for everyone in Pet Peeves who have been complaining about problems in parking lots.....
    ------------------------------

    Why are men like parking lots?

    Because all the good ones are taken, and the rest are either handicapped or too small. .

    Think about it
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  5. #635
    *I Love Chad* SentFromHeaven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    477
    My favorite joke (I made it up .... sorta)

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because it wanted to.

    That was so funny the first time!
    Check out my avatar It's Chad Michael Murray!

  6. #636
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    Posts
    7,704
    A Blonde Easter
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves
    standing before St. Peter.

    He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom,
    they had to tell him what Easter represented.

    The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they
    have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

    St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her.

    The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate
    Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

    St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her.

    The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and
    St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

    She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that
    coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover.

    Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples
    when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested
    Him.

    The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He
    died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very
    large boulder ... ".

    St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

    Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year they roll
    away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his
    shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."

    And that's when St. Peter fainted!
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  7. #637
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Enchanted by a beautiful Soprano
    Posts
    3,163
    One of the classic Easter stories, Miss Kitty! The other, of course, is the tale of the Elmer P. Shapiro Nail Company of Camden, New Jersey. Seems old Elmer retired and left the company to his not-too-bright son. One spring morning, Elmer was enjoying his retirement and reading the newspaper on the beaches of Miami, when he came across a full-page ad. There was a picture of Christ on the cross, and the caption proudly proclaimed

    THEY USED OUR NAILS!
    Elmer P. Shapiro Nail Company
    Camden, New Jersey

    Elmer about had a heart attack, called his son, and read him the riot act. Eventually the son realized that the ad might come off as a bit insensitive, so he told Elmer that he would fix everything. The next day, there was another full-page ad. This time Christ was slumped at the bottom of the cross, ragged tears in his hands and feet, and bits of flesh hanging off of the bent nails on the cross. The caption read

    THEY DIDN'T USE OUR NAILS!
    Elmer P. Shapiro Nail Company
    Camden, New Jersey

    They buried poor Elmer the next day.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  8. #638
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    Posts
    7,704
    :rolf That's a good one Newfherder! Here's a couple of quickies....

    How does the Easter Bunny get to work?
    He takes the rabbit-transit!

    Why does the Easter Bunny's coat look so smooth?
    He uses Hare spray!

    What do you call the Easter Bunny on a farm?
    Dinner!
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  9. #639
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In my own little world where all things are Idol......
    Age
    48
    Posts
    10,755
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lygrP2Pizc

    I've seen this before and I laugh everytime I see it!
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

  10. #640
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    Posts
    7,704
    FOURTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
    (By Dave Barry)

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    7. Never lick a steak knife.

    8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

    11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

    13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

    14. Your friends love you anyway.

    Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.