I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
>> your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank
>> you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me
>> feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>> Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can
>> remove toilet stains.
>> I no longer drink Pepsi or DR Pepper since the people who make these
>> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>> I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
>> rat feces and urine.
>> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
>> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
>> water buffalo on a hot day.
>> I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being
>> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
>> perfume sample and rob me.
>> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
>> Qaeda in disguise.
>> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
>> number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
>> Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
>> freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>> I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
>> leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
>> their recipe.
>> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
>> for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>> forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
>> minutes. (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
>> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
>> about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
>> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
>> the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
>> their special e-mail program.
>> Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
>> I will now return the favor.
>> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
>> seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM
>> this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
>> armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend
>> of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend
>> of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's
>> 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!