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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #501
    FORT Regular Madison1995's Avatar
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    There was a guy driving down a country road when he looked over and saw a chicken running alongside the car. He then noticed that this chicken had 3 legs! He started to get a little freaked out and he began to drive faster. Thing is, the chicken sped up too and stayed right beside him as fast as he went.. finally he saw the chicken turn and run down a side road. He was so shocked about the experience he turned around and drove down the same road the chicken turned down and eventually he came to a farm. He went up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door and when a man came to the door he asked him 'Sir, did you see a chicken with three legs come by here by any chance?' the man nodded and said "yup, that's our chicken.. see- me, my wife, and my son.. our favorite part of the chicken is the leg so my son who is a regular genious created a way to genetically produce a chicken with 3 legs so we could all have one at suppertime".. the man nodded at the farmer in understanding..and then asked.. 'So.. how do they taste anyway?' ..and the farmer said to him "Don't know.. we haven't caught one yet"

  2. #502
    Autism Awareness Ribbon greycoatonawitc's Avatar
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    A snail goes into the police department to report that it's been gang raped by turtles. the officer asked what happened and the snail replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
    April is Autism awareness month!! I have 6 year old faternal twins with Autism. they are wonderful little guys. It's not misbehaving....it's a disablity.

  3. #503
    The Girl With FORT-itude saltyj's Avatar
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    A man was driving alongside a road when he saw a sign, "Get screwed at the Sisters of Mercy - 10 miles." The guy can't believe his eyes. A few miles down, he sees another sign, "Get screwed at the Sisters of Mercy - 3 miles." He finally gets to the road and pulls off. He sees this buiding and walks into it. A nun is there to greet him. "Give me 20 bucks and you can go into the next room where a woman is waiting for you." He gives her 20 bucks and goes into the next room. A nun is there and says, "Give me 20 bucks and you can go into the next room where a woman is waiting for you." He opens the door, not to find another room, but to find he has gone out the back of the building. He sees a sign, "You have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."
    Viva La Vie Boheme!

  4. #504
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    toque

  5. #505
    FORT Fanatic imajunkie2's Avatar
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    I got this in my email yesterday, an oldie but a goodie!

    Love letter

    Dear you,

    I shall seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I finish with you. And you will be weak for days…


    All my love,



    The Flu…Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!!

  6. #506
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    A little too much McDonald's


  7. #507
    FORT Fogey
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    WIFE VS. HUSBAND: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

  8. #508
    Angel boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett530
    WIFE VS. HUSBAND: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
    I've heard that one before, but it never ceases to make me LOL!!
    America- love it or leave it!

  9. #509
    FORT Regular Madison1995's Avatar
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    A man was walking along a street at night when a lady in what appeared to be a very skimpy outfit came up and said to him "Show ya a good time for $20.00" The man thought to himself that he has never been with a hooker before so after debating it for a bit he thought ' why not ' he went w/ her behind some bushes and they got to it but before long a bright flashlight was shined on them by a cop..he shouted "Hey, what's going on here?!" and the man said "Sorry officer, but it's not what it looks like.. I'm just making love with my wife" the cop said "oh .. uh.. sorry, I didn't know" and the man said "well, neither did I until you just shined that light on her face"!!

  10. #510
    Angel boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madison1995
    A man was walking along a street at night when a lady in what appeared to be a very skimpy outfit came up and said to him "Show ya a good time for $20.00" The man thought to himself that he has never been with a hooker before so after debating it for a bit he thought ' why not ' he went w/ her behind some bushes and they got to it but before long a bright flashlight was shined on them by a cop..he shouted "Hey, what's going on here?!" and the man said "Sorry officer, but it's not what it looks like.. I'm just making love with my wife" the cop said "oh .. uh.. sorry, I didn't know" and the man said "well, neither did I until you just shined that light on her face"!!
    America- love it or leave it!

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