Jokes & Funnies

[greycoatonawitc]

[Marley]

[scarlett530]

We've thought about it.

[AIWANNABE]

Quick Joke 1
Two blondes living in Texas were sitting on a bench talking and the one blonde says to the other. "What do you think is farther, Florida or the moon? " The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooooooooooooo.... can you see Florida?"

Quick Joke 2
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a b**** called back."

[Marley]

[Marley]

No Children in the room!!
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[Broadway]

POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER

A Chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with
a
satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, and rolls over.

The chicken says---

"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

[roseskid]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[mkwdood]

Instructions on how to clean your toilet



1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog




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[canadian_bunny]

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.