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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #471
    It's a bird, it's a plane EXlurker's Avatar
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    Here's a great laugh. Follow the instructions- enjoy!

    1. Go to www.Google.com

    2. Type in but DO NOT enter: weapons of mass destruction

    3. Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, instead of the
    normal "Google Search" button

    4. You will get an ERROR message, READ CAREFULLY what appears to be
    a normal ERROR message. Make sure you read the whole error message.

  2. #472
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    How in the world did you ever find that?
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

  3. #473
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    I think I did that before EXLurker but I just had to laugh at it again.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  4. #474
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

    About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

    Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

    So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

    Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

    "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  5. #475
    Autism Awareness Ribbon greycoatonawitc's Avatar
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    April is Autism awareness month!! I have 6 year old faternal twins with Autism. they are wonderful little guys. It's not misbehaving....it's a disablity.

  6. #476
    Autism Awareness Ribbon greycoatonawitc's Avatar
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    a man brings home venison for dinner. Not telling his kids what it is in fear that they won't eat it....tells his daughter "it's what mommy calls me."
    the little girls screams "YOUR FEEDING US A$$HOLE!!"
    April is Autism awareness month!! I have 6 year old faternal twins with Autism. they are wonderful little guys. It's not misbehaving....it's a disablity.

  7. #477
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    That's a great one greycoat!

    Here's another one..


    Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

    Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

    Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

    That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

    The next morning he reported to his father.

    Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

    Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

    Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit."
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  8. #478
    Autism Awareness Ribbon greycoatonawitc's Avatar
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    Maveno!


    Ok, i got another one. it's a blonde joke.


    This blonde woman was down on her luck. She prays to God "Please let me win the lottery." The lottery date comes and goes and she didn't win. She prays again "Please let me win the lottery. I'll go to church every Sunday." Again lottery comes and goes and she didn't win. She prays again "Please, Lord. Let me win the lottery. I'll donate some of my winnings to charity, go to church every Sunday." Again the lottery comes and goes...nothing. Finally the blonde says to God "Why haven't you answered my prayers? I really need the money."
    God answers back "Meet me half way.....BUY A TICKET!"
    April is Autism awareness month!! I have 6 year old faternal twins with Autism. they are wonderful little guys. It's not misbehaving....it's a disablity.

  9. #479
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    Nice one!
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  10. #480
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

    He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

    The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

    The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

    A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

    The blonde says, "Don't worry."

    She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

    The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

    Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

    The man is astonished.

    He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

    The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

    It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

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