Alrighty Daddio....this is for you!
How to Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her while making the "woo, woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see your pecks. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
6. Wash your face
7. Wash your armpits
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower)
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk.
16. Partial dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
OMG That isn't FOR me Maveno. That IS me! :laugh
Originally Posted by Maveno
I love it! Great one!
:rofl Mav...that is the funniest, funniest thing I've read all day... :rofl
:lol :lol :lol ...so funny and true!
Beware of a woman scorned
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young
His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's
multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little
better, he prevailed.
He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background
feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of
curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss
first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were
checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air
were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in
end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing
worked. People stopped coming over to visit...
Repairmen refused to work in the house... The maid quit...
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and
even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told
the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that
missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her
settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But
if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within
hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man
new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company
everything to take to their new home...
including the curtain rods.
:hahaup Good one. I'm taking note of this.
How bout this one :-)
One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and
she needed the thimble to make her living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, the
Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this
your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would
have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have
come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me
all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all
three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and
honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it!
:hahaup Good ones echo.
I love the simpsons. Here are some quotes. :laugh
"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson
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