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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #291
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to

    thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They

    planned to stay at the very same hotel where they

    spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.



    Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to

    coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband

    left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with

    his wife flying down the following day.



    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a

    computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail

    to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one

    letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing

    his error, he sent the e-mail.



    Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just

    returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a

    minister of many years who was called home to glory

    following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to

    check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives

    and friends. After reading the first message, she

    fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found

    his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen

    which read:


    To: My Loving Wife

    Subject: I've Arrived

    Date: 16 May 2002



    I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have

    computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails

    to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been

    checked in. I see that everything has been prepared

    for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing

    you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine

    was.


    P.S. Sure is hot down here!

  2. #292
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    Leaving Montreal, I decide to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go into the washroom. The first stall is taken, so I go into the second stall. I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the other stall. Hi there, how is it going? Okay, I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do, but finally I say: Not bad. Then the voice says: So, what are you doing? I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say: Well, I'm going back east. Then I hear the person, all flustered, say: Look, I'll call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!!!

  3. #293
    FORT Fogey
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    I like the first one Marley

  4. #294
    FORT Addict IMAddicted's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missin Dave
    this was so stupid it was funny....
    Q:What did the fish say when he ran into the underwater wall?





    A:"Damn!"

    Why did the cookie go to the hospital???????


    He felt crumby.......


    Why did the Lion spit out the clown????????????


    He tasted funny.......

  5. #295
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    We have a lot of funny FORT members here!

  6. #296
    celery and soy-sauce pie!
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    Q. How do you make somebody a saint?

    A: Beat the hell out of them.

    ...so now you can say you were doing them a favor ;-)

    -pie
    Bowl of Rice and a Glass of Swamp water: 1 reward challenge

    Winning immunity: 2 gallons of water over the head

    Sleeping while Rupert gets drunk: 3 hours

    The look on Rob's face when Shii-Ann won immunity: priceless

    There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's survivor.

    SHII-ANN FOR ALL STAR SURVIVOR!

  7. #297
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    WASHINGTON, DC (Reuters)

    Early this morning a devastating fire burned down the personal library of President George. W. Bush.

    Tragically, both books were lost in the conflagration. More poignantly, the President, due to his hectic schedule, had not found time to color in the second one.

  8. #298
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
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    A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
    booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get
    his attention but the drunk just sits there.
    Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles,"ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

  9. #299
    FORT Fogey
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    good one

  10. #300
    Fort Beaudyfull BorderEevil2's Avatar
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    I liked these. Theyre kinda mean but does get its humor across...
    Attached Images Attached Images

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