08-24-2003, 07:16 PM #191
08-25-2003, 02:38 AM #192
Oh that was just kinda hard to follow Foggy Doggy, but it was good none the less! Hehe!
I've got a joke, too, but it'll have to wait till tomarrow. I think you'll like this one. It's kinda dirty, but oh well.
08-27-2003, 08:39 PM #193
Humor : The old farmer
An old farmer in North Carolina had owned a large farm for
many years and had a large pond in the back, fixed up
nicely; with picnic tables, horseshoe pitches, basketball
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming
when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond
to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a
bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to
watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond.
I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Age and cunning will triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time.
08-30-2003, 02:24 AM #194
Hunor : The Hotel bill
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high...you might want to use
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on
the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth
$350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man
insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the
man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a
huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and La Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we
didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says,
"this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
08-31-2003, 01:02 AM #195
FoggyDoggy, that brought the first smile to my face in awhile!
08-31-2003, 11:38 AM #196
Now why is that ? I'll bet you have a "lil cute" smile......you should smile more often.
Originally Posted by Lil_Cutie
09-02-2003, 03:14 AM #197
Awww FG, that's so sweet! But I was feeling down, you see!
09-02-2003, 03:48 PM #198
Allez les Bleus!
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...
A Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis
09-04-2003, 12:53 AM #199
Onions & Christmas Trees
Subject: Christmas Trees & Onions
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son. We wouldn't be normal
if we didn't. There are all kinds of breasts, depending on a woman's age
-- in her 20s a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm; in
her 30s & 40s they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit; and after
50 they are like onions..."
"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry!"
Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of
penises are there?"
The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a
man goes through three phases -- in a man's 20s a man's penis is like
an oak, mighty and hard; in his 30s & 40s it is like a birch, flexible but
reliable; and after 50 it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yep, dried up, and the balls are only there for decoration!"
09-04-2003, 01:03 AM #200
Humor : Clocks in Heaven
St Peter and the Newcomer
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's MotherTeresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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