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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #181
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    re: TAR, one person said it will be on Sat. at 9pm after BB4 and another said Sun. at 1 am. Maybe you can set your VCR for both times and see what happens.

    I'll be in the hot sun tomorrow. Ugh.
    Last edited by eldee; 08-15-2003 at 04:33 PM.

  2. #182
    Foggy Doggy
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    Quote Originally Posted by eldee
    re: TAR, one person said it will be on Sat. at 9pm after BB4 and another said Sun. at 1 am. Maybe you can set your VCR for both times and see what happens.

    I'll be in the hot sun tomorrow. Ugh.
    Oh I'll watch it live if it is on.....Greg and I enjoyed it so much we'll watch it again

  3. #183
    Premium Member sheela's Avatar
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    eldee, thanks for the heads up about TAR.

  4. #184
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Sheela and Foggie Doggy, the lastest on the TAR rerun. At 11 (now) will be the news, then 12 midnight BB4 and 1am TAR. Check your local listings because I'm in EST.

  5. #185
    Foggy Doggy
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    Humor : Presdient Bush & Moses

    Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips,
    President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man
    and said, "Aren't you Moses? "

    The man never answered but just kept staring ahead. Again the President said, "Moses! " in a loud voice. The man just kept staring
    ahead, never answering the president. Soon a secret service agent came
    along and President Bush grabbed him and said, "Doesn't this man look
    like Moses to you?"

    The secret service agent agreed with the President. "Well," said the
    President, "Every time I say his name, he just keeps staring ahead and
    refuses to speak. Watch!" Again, the President yelled, "Moses! " and again the man stared ahead.

    The secret service man went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?" The man leaned over and whispered, "Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert!

  6. #186
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foggy Doggy
    Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips,
    President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man
    and said, "Aren't you Moses? "

    The man never answered but just kept staring ahead. Again the President said, "Moses! " in a loud voice. The man just kept staring
    ahead, never answering the president. Soon a secret service agent came
    along and President Bush grabbed him and said, "Doesn't this man look
    like Moses to you?"

    The secret service agent agreed with the President. "Well," said the
    President, "Every time I say his name, he just keeps staring ahead and
    refuses to speak. Watch!" Again, the President yelled, "Moses! " and again the man stared ahead.

    The secret service man went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?" The man leaned over and whispered, "Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert!

    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  7. #187
    foolhardy comrade Moon Skin Child's Avatar
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    Very good, very good!!
    I was in love with a difficult man.

  8. #188
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Fly Southwest

    A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to
    Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
    stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby Dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case.

    "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
    Southwest always pulls out on time. Now let your mother explain that to you.

  9. #189
    Leo
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    Arnold and Gary Coleman team up!

    With their new musical hit! Listen to it here!


  10. #190
    Allez les Bleus! Zaius's Avatar
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    It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get in you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

    At 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven.
    The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man, 'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'

    'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked, obviously in the midst of a secret tryst, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of the guy! 'Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stamped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I came to was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.'

    The angel sits back and thinks for a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the angel announces, 'OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and lets him in.

    A few seconds later the next guy comes up. 'Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.'

    The man says, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! 'Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom that broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'

    The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. 'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,' the angel announces, 'welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets the man enter.

    A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel is warming up to his task. 'OK, please tell me what it was like the day you died.'

    The man says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator.......

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