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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1431
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice:

    "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Mean -az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, Controlling-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz......Can I get an "Amen!"
    just1paul and Sticker like this.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  2. #1432
    Vidiot 13 is a Winner Champion Poppy Fields's Avatar
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    Re: Irreverant Replies to Celebrity Tweets

    From Happy Place. Personal favorite: replies to Yoko Ono.

    @JeffreyRoss Worked great! Thanks!! RT @yokoono Tape the sound of the moon fading at dawn. Give it to your mother to listen to when she's in sorrow.

    @EliBraden Sounds like SOMEbody got laid last night! RT @YokoOno: Imagine water coming down a dry riverbed.




    The Best Responses To Celebrities On Twitter | Happy Place

  3. #1433
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    My gynecologist's office has a sense of humor! This image was in their recent newsletter and I thought it was funny so I had to share. It had the caption Why Men Shouldn't Take Messages.

    Ellen, Moonyean and Fanny Mare like this.

  4. #1434
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    This was sent to me in an email today.



    Cake or Bed

    A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,

    Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now.

    He looks at her and says angrily, fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?
    I don't think so.

    Fine.
    Then the wife asks, Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right.

    To which he replied, fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead?
    I don't think so.

    Fine, she says, then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.

    I'm not a carpenter and I don't want to fix steps. He says, does it look like I have Home Depot written on my forehead?
    I don't think so.
    I've had enough of you. I'm going to the pub!!!!

    So he goes to the pub and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home.

    As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.
    As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
    As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

    Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed?

    She said, well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.

    He said, so what kind of cake did you bake?

    She replied, hellooooo..
    Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
    I don't think so!
    Moonyean, Lizard, KatesMom and 2 others like this.

  5. #1435
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    One of my Facebook friends posted this and, being a grammar nazi myself, I loved it!

    Ellen likes this.

  6. #1436
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by pikachu View Post
    One of my Facebook friends posted this and, being a grammar nazi myself, I loved it!
    My brother posted that on my wall, too!
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  7. #1437
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Seen on a t-shirt: "My pastor can beat your pastor to a pulpit."
    Ellen, Hyper and Fanny Mare like this.

  8. #1438
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by Tilden View Post
    Seen on a t-shirt: "My pastor can beat your pastor to a pulpit."
    I have to steal this from you! LOL

  9. #1439
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Well, technically I stole it off someone's t-shirt--just happened to see the guy walking down a hallway wearing a shirt with that written on it--so it's not really my joke in the first place.

  10. #1440
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by Tilden View Post
    Well, technically I stole it off someone's t-shirt--just happened to see the guy walking down a hallway wearing a shirt with that written on it--so it's not really my joke in the first place.
    I have two very religious friends on line, so I knew they would enjoy this.

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