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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1381
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies



    that one caught me by surprise!
    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #1382
    Me and my shadow Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER
    Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
    Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'
    About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
    Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
    Dear Mom,
    I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian
    Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
    Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
    Count your blessings!

  3. #1383
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Now THAT is a good one.

  4. #1384
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    I love it!!
    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  5. #1385
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Absolutely perfect.
    To Thine Own Self Be True

  6. #1386
    FORT Fogey MsDiva2007's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    HE'S MY BROTHER! - This is Priceless

    Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

    The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
    "Eight," the boy replied.
    The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
    The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.
    We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
    Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #1387
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Ms. Diva,

    Thanks much. That one is priceless!
    To Thine Own Self Be True

  8. #1388
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    I'll have to try to remember that one!
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  9. #1389
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Stewardess

    A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

    Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them..

    Two lessons here:
    1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
    2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  10. #1390
    Over and Out! Bunny555's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    CAB DRIVER
    Roger, a successful businessman, flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to
    gamble.
    He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
    second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get himself to the
    airport, he could get himself home.
    So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. he
    got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. Roger promised to send
    the driver money from home,he offered his credit card numbers,
    his driver's licence number, his address etc, but to no avail the cabbie
    said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
    So Roger was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to
    catch his flight.
    One year later, Roger, having worked long and hard to regain his financial
    status, returned to Las Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good.

    He went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride to the airport.
    Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but
    his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his
    luck. Roger thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for
    His lack of charity, and hit on a plan.

    Roger got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?"

    "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral
    sex on the way?" What?!!! "Get the hell out of my cab!"
    Roger got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same
    questions, with the same results.

    When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked,
    How much for a ride to the airport?"
    The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." Roger said, "OK." And off they went.
    Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, Roger gave a big
    Smile and thumbs up sign to each driver. .....

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