that one caught me by surprise!
that one caught me by surprise!
HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
Now THAT is a good one.
:rofl I love it!!
HE'S MY BROTHER! - This is Priceless
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
Thanks much. That one is priceless!
:lol I'll have to try to remember that one!
Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Stewardess
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them..
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think
Roger, a successful businessman, flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get himself to the
airport, he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. he
got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. Roger promised to send
the driver money from home,he offered his credit card numbers,
his driver's licence number, his address etc, but to no avail the cabbie
said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So Roger was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to
catch his flight.
One year later, Roger, having worked long and hard to regain his financial
status, returned to Las Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good.
He went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride to the airport.
Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but
his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his
luck. Roger thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for
His lack of charity, and hit on a plan.
Roger got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral
sex on the way?" What?!!! "Get the hell out of my cab!"
Roger got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same
questions, with the same results.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked,
How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." Roger said, "OK." And off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, Roger gave a big
Smile and thumbs up sign to each driver. .....