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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1251
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Rattus. It's funny! This one's been stuck in my head for 45 years. A visitor to a Dublin inn was inquiring about a room for the night. "We have two rooms available. One comes with a shower, the other with a bath", said the innkeeper. "And so what's the difference then?", asked the visitor. The innkeeper replied, "Well, in one you stand up, and in the other you sit down".
    Last edited by lopevian; 11-01-2008 at 08:22 PM.

  2. #1252
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    *groan* light chuckle** smiles - Thank you all for the laughter
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  3. #1253
    shoes? who needs shoes?? barefootdyke's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

    I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

    Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.

    I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

    I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

    She replied, 'What happened to my booger?'

  4. #1254
    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Okay - I must admit that when I read this initially, I didn't realize which thread I was in I had to back up and re-read it! Time for more Yuck!!!

  5. #1255
    shoes? who needs shoes?? barefootdyke's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    as a parent/grandparent, i couldn't help but crack up when i read it

  6. #1256
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

    The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

    Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

    In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

    In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

    He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

    He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

    As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

    Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

    As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

    She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

    He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

    She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

    'Yes,' was his incredulous reply

    She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'
    Love it!
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

  7. #1257
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by barefootdyke;3227931;
    DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

    I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

    Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.

    I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

    I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

    She replied, 'What happened to my booger?'

    *snort* chuckle *giggle* LAUGH!! Oh that was good.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  8. #1258
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by bbnbama;3229459;
    A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

    The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

    Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

    In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

    In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

    He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

    He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

    As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

    Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

    As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

    She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

    He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

    She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

    'Yes,' was his incredulous reply

    She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

    Love it!
    Me too! My hat goes off to all of you parents out there.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  9. #1259
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    The Dyslexic Rabbi

    Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

    A: He walks around saying, "Yo."
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  10. #1260
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Young Jock McTavish from Glasgow went to study at a university in England and was living in the hall of residence. After a week his mother rang him. "How do you get along with the other students, Jock?" she asked.

    "Well," he replied, "they are terribly noisy people. The one on one side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams all night."

    "Oh Jock!" said his mother. "How do you manage to put up with such noisy neighbours?"

    "I don't do anything. I just sit here quietly, playing my bagpipes!"
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

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