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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1201
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    I've loved that joke for years. Thanks for bringing it up
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  2. #1202
    FORT Fogey MsDiva2007's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

    Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

    Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

    We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

    The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

    And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

    Now think about that and see if it makes sense..'

    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

    He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

    So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
    Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed

    The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

    The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

    The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class
    while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh!t

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  3. #1203
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    For non-Canadians: A Newfie is a person from Newfoundland. Canadians often joke about them in jest and because of our love of their great personalities and sense of humor.

    Newfie Clock

    A Newfie was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

    'What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

    'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the Newfie replied.

    'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

    'Yup' replied the Newfie.

    'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

    'Watch' the Newfie replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

    The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

    Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You moron! It's three-fifteen in the morning!'
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  4. #1204
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies



    Gustav is not amused
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  5. #1205
    Little Thing SR5Rfan's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    One that my sister tells ...
    Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says "Do you smell fish?"
    I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.

  6. #1206
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Stupid beyond compare.......and then I snickered! But it took a few.......


    Sounds like a Henny Youngman joke.

    Funny Henny Youngman Quotes - Funny Quotes by Henny Youngman
    Last edited by prhoshay; 09-12-2008 at 12:26 AM.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #1207
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    Someone just sent me this in my e-mail. It made me laugh so I'm passing it on to you all.

    The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats, Republicans or the Independents. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats, Republicans and Indepentents alike.>> If you support the policies and character of Obama, please drive with your headlights on during the day.>> If you support John McCain, please drive with your headlights off at night.
    Count your blessings!

  8. #1208
    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    That is hysterical!!!! Thank you for the much needed laugh!

  9. #1209
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies

    One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

    It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

    The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

    'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?

    The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.' Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'



    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

  10. #1210
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes & Funnies


    For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

    One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

    She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
    To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child Support payments to begin.

    One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
    'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

    On the card was written:

    Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

    Three with meatballs, two without.

    Send extra sauce.
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

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