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Thread: Advice....

  1. #11
    SweetThang
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    can anyone help?

  2. #12
    Julie's Avatar
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    If it's not too personal, maybe you can post your question/problem here? You'd probably get a wider range of responses.
    Men are like slinkies... not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile as you see one tumble down the stairs.

  3. #13
    SweetThang
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    ok well, im going out with this guy and i really like him and he really likes me..we have been dating.....well, sometimes i dont like him for some really odd reason......and now i think he hates me because i told his brother(my best friend)that i was probly moving and when he told my boyfriend he just said"so..i dont care"..i have tried to dump him but i dont have the courage..i dont know what to do

  4. #14
    Julie's Avatar
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    Lots of times boys will say they 'don't care' because for some odd reason they think being honest about their feelings will make them look like wusses.

    Maybe the best thing to do would to be totally upfront with him. Say something like 'hey, I know what you said to X about not caring if I move... so you want to end this?'.

    You may not like the answer you'll get, but at least you won't be wondering anymore.
    Men are like slinkies... not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile as you see one tumble down the stairs.

  5. #15
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Girls and boys start playing games at a really young age and I hate it. It turns into game playing adults and you don't want that.

    Be honest about your feelings, even if he can't or won't. Tell him how his 'not caring' makes you feel. I think you know deep inside that this boy does care and for some silly reason doesn't want to tell you. It's called pride.

    Good luck.

  6. #16
    FORT Fogey
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    I totally agree w/what they said above.. boys especially teenage ones will rarely give a sincere answer to questions that may reveal their true feelings. Especially, when talking to another guy. He probably would have given more feeling hearing about a sports team losing a big game.
    It is a fact that if you can learn now will save you much heartache in the future. Just say what is on your mind. If you like him and want to continue dating him then say so. Say it to him, not to other guys. It is a big waste of time to try to get info out of others too. If you are truly moving and want to end the relationship then do so.. The best thing I can think to tell you is don't do the " game" thing where you try to give him a test to see how he feels about you by his response. It never works. First they don't know they are being tested and second you are expecting a certain result and probably won't get it. More relationships adult and others are ruined over bad communication. So, keep your major relationship communication factors between you and him. If you don't understand something then ask. If he is calling and spending time with you then his actions say he wants to be with you. Read his actions and not what he says to other guys or girls etc.

  7. #17
    Hypermediocrity Amanda's Avatar
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    You know, I have to interject something here. A lot of us are looking at this from the perspective of adults who have already traveled the path that Sweet Thang is on, and have learned our lessons. While I think that all of the advice given so far is good, we have to bear in mind that we can't expect a high school boy to react well to things like open communication and honesty with feelings. He's a kid. I don't mean to sound condescending - don't get offended, highschoolers - but it's just the fact of the matter. Back in the day, I think a boy I was having issues with might actually deal better with a go-between than he would with me saying "Look, I don't want to play games here. What's the deal?"

    Sweet Thang, if his brother really is a good friend of yours, maybe he'd be willing to scope the situation out for you. Keep in mind that what everyone here is saying IS true - boys (and girls, for that matter) at your age don't know how to honestly express their emotions. Looking cool is everything. But if he really likes you - and if you really like him - it will work itself out. And even if it doesn't, don't worry. I swear to God that I don't mean to sound like your mom here, but there *will* be other boys. I don't know a single person who met their one true love at your age.

  8. #18
    Premium Member Bumpkin's Avatar
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    SweetThang -

    My daughter is a freshman in high school. We have a lot of conversations like this, so I don't know if I can help, but I will try.

    This is what I tell *my* daughter (I like to call her Brooding Bumpkin - okay BB for short)

    I know there is a lot of pressure to be 'going out' with someone. And when you're not 'going out' it seems like everyone else on the planet has a boyfriend but *you*.

    Two things. One. Go with your gut feelings. Your intuition. Learn to trust that voice inside you. It's your heart. Your spirit. And when you trust what it is telling you, it very rarely lets you down. If it's telling you that you don't like this guy 'for some really odd reason' then there is probably good judgement following right behind it.

    Two. And this is the most important thing I can tell you. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. To repeat what someone else here has already said, boys can be dufuses sometimes. Girls too.

    Sometimes I see BB (and her friends) put so much pressure on a boy that they are going out with. Going out means you suddenly have a lot of expectations of one another. Relax.

    You'll really think I'm an old fogey when I say this, but these are really, really great years for you. Enjoy them. Enjoy your friends. If you're very fortunate, some of these friends you will enjoy for a lifetime. There is nothing like the friends you make in jr. high and high school.

    BB is finding that it is better to have a lot of really, really good guy *friends* than a lot of *boy*friends. She is very close to a lot of very nice fellows. Sometimes you don't spoil a good friendship by making it a romantic encounter.

    I hope this helps. Again, all I can do is tell you what I'd tell BB. Let us know how it goes, okay?

    And one more thing. Wear sunscreen.

  9. #19
    FORT Fogey
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    all great advice and I agree amanda he probably won't express his true emotions openly, but also be careful on the " go between" thing too much. Reading his actions is a great way to see how he really feels. And good advice to Bumpkin not too much pressure. Guys RUN from that, they run towards the girls who like to just hang out and let things happen and don't have to have an answer about the relationship all the time!

  10. #20
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    You know, reading all this great advice, and all these descriptions of the average teenage boy, well...it just reminds me of my misfortune of meeting a lot of adult men who act like these descriptions of teenage boys (i.e. run away...play games...get defensive....aren't direct...yada yada.)

    Here's hoping to smooth sailing (or as smooth as it can be) for sweet thang. Did everyone cover your question, sweet thang? (Everyone's advice sounds great. Too bad more guys didn't chime in to offer up the male point of view.)
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

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