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Thread: Narcissism

  1. #1
    Boomer Sooner SCRUMPOT's Avatar
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    Narcissism

    Does anyone know or had to deal with someone who is a TRUE narcissist as in personality disorder?
    "People are strange, when you're a stranger" - Jim Morrison

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    FORT Fogey
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    Scrum my ex husband's official diagnosis was Hypo-maniac, sociopathic-narcissitic disorder , combined w/OCD. It is very very hard and no one wins if they won't take meds and go to thearpy.
    Ultimately I couldn't as we are divorced, of course there were sypmtoms of his disorder that I could not live with, cheating, abuse etc..
    I wouldn't wish this person on my worst enemy.

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    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    I've not met anyone having such an extreme trait like that. It'd be interesting though.

    Do you know anyone as such, scrumpot?
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

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    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    Ohh, firegirl. I'm sorry to know of such an awful event happening to you.

    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

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    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    FG, that's horrible, that would've been tough

    Scrumpot, I haven't known anyone who was specifically diagnosed clinically, but I've known some people who would qualify as narcissists based on Karen Horney's descriptions in "Neurosis and Human Growth". I met a man who would completely fit the description, to a T.
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

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    Boomer Sooner SCRUMPOT's Avatar
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    Firegirl: my ex-husband is not nearly as severe as what you have described. I am terribly sorry that you had to deal with any such thing. There are that many TRUE ones out there. You and I got lucky??????

    I found a great website for mental health and my ex-husband met 7 out of 9 of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is not a "treatment" for this disorder, but the other stuff can be treated (OCD, etc).

    The website led me to a book and a chat with the author, who is a narcissist and it was very enlightening.

    I just was looking for some personal dealings with these "lovely" folks.

    Anyone interested might want to look at www.HealthyPlace.com.
    "People are strange, when you're a stranger" - Jim Morrison

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey
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    no, there are no treatments ie meds but thearpy can help if they will go. The best thing I have learned is you can't deal rationaly with someone who is unrational. I call his bluff a lot. For us that means he goes to court a lot and pays out a lot. It is a big pain in the butt, however; I always win. He has spent time in jail and paid thousands of dollars in atty costs ( his and mine) but he never quits. He always believes he is above the law or right whatever.
    I have learned that I will never " be right" or " win" according to him, so, I avoid him as much as possible. I follow my divorce decree to the LETTER when it comes to our daughter, I never negotiate with him on anything or argue and if I have any upcoming events I petition the judge for allowances in deviating from the visitation schedule etc..
    The bottom line is you CAN'T deal w/that personality. If he threatens w/something for example in our case, I am not paying my child support till a judge makes me.. I call his bluff and let the judge tell him.
    I could give you pages of examples of his behavior and the outrageous things he really believed he was entitled to do and say to people and things he does, it is amazing to think that is rational behavior in their eyes.

  8. #8
    Boomer Sooner SCRUMPOT's Avatar
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    The belief that they are rational is the hardest part for me. He thinks what he says and does is normal. Boy........my brain does not comprend that thinking. We all know right from wrong, right?

    I did not have a clue about his narcissism while we were married. It has only dawned on me in the last few months. And you are right....It is taking a judge to tell him that he is wrong and sometimes that doesn't work. I am learning to NOT deal with him. He always tries to draw me in though and MY personality (disorder??) wants to let him have it. But that would be soooo ineffective.

    I am really glad to know that some other person knows what I am talking about. Thanks, fg.
    "People are strange, when you're a stranger" - Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Scrumpot and Firegirl, by the way, the book "Neurosis and Human Growth" by Karen Horney is not a pop psyche book or a self-help book, it's a psyche textbook written in the early half of the 20th century, and it spells it out in a really clear way.

    I was under the impression, too, that many narcissists walk around without an official diagnosis, because their very nature would cause them to refuse therapy etc.
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  10. #10
    Boomer Sooner SCRUMPOT's Avatar
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    Shaz: You are right. Not much diagnosing going on for these people. I looked my ex up by myself. He is not "officially" a narcissist. Are you kidding?!?! He would have to admit that he wasn't perfect. hahaha.

    I will look for the book.
    "People are strange, when you're a stranger" - Jim Morrison

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