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Thread: I went Shopping for shorts...

  1. #11
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    I went shopping for short...children cried, men laughed, dogs howled. Naw, I'll wait untl next year.

  2. #12
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    I thought it was just me eldee!

    I've gained about 5 lbs since last summer. I guess I could lose the 5 pounds (then I'd have 2 pairs of shorts.)

    The thought of even trying to lose 5 pounds is not at all appealing to me. Sad really.
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  3. #13
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Maybe I can get some inspiration from the Chub Club. (I'm typing this with a bag of chips on my right. I can't complain because no one made me buy it. I know it's because I'm stressing. I'll try to be good)

  4. #14
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Hey Alice....we must be really close in age because I'm in my 20s for another 6 months.

    Shopping is always hit and miss... and if you aren't feeling good about your body, which for me is 90% of the time... it makes it tough. You feel like everything you put on makes you look worse.

    I've got about 3 pairs of shorts that I really like and are about mid-length down my thigh, so it's not bad at all. One I found on a total fluke at Winners (I don't think you guys have that in the States) and I'm glad I picked them up after hearing your horror stories.
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


  5. #15
    FORT Fogey
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    That's why I stick to knee-length skirts in the Summer. I have come to the realization that 90 percent of the world does not look good in shorts - myself in particular!

  6. #16
    Chihuahua's rule! drkim's Avatar
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    Early 30's here and not quite ready for grandma shorts myself. I wear men's shorts!! They go above my knee and actually have pockets! I refuse to wear shorts that my bum sticks out of if I bend over! I also cut old jeans into shorts and sew my own hemline. I've even done that with khakis.

    Shopping for a swimsuit really sucks. I'm not even going there. And no, I don't opt for a men's suit!!! lol
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  7. #17
    Taz
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    I hope i can post this, but i thought it was Hilarious. If not feel free to delete it. It just reminded me of the problems with finding shorts (i'm 6 feet tall with 2 inch hills on..heh) and bathing suits.





    As we look forward to the summer season and time at the beach or pool,
    here is something to think about when shopping for that perfect bathing
    suit for our less than perfect figures.

    In the 1950's, the bathing suit was designed for a woman with a mature
    figure: boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.
    They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.

    Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
    figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice: she
    can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit
    with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from
    Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every department store
    trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range
    of fluorescent rubber bands. What choice did I have?

    I wandered around, made what I thought was a sensible choice and
    entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first
    thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch
    material. The lycra used in bathing suits was developed, I believe; by
    NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added
    bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are
    protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any shark
    taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer
    whiplash.

    I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder
    strap in place, I gasped in horror. My bosom had disappeared!
    Eventually, I found one breast cowering under my left armpit. It took a
    while to find the other one. At last I located it flattened beside my
    seventh rib.

    The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. So the mature
    woman has to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed bump. I
    realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full
    view assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately, it
    only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me
    oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a
    lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.

    As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
    pre-pubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains and said:
    "Oh, there you are!" admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't
    so sure about it, and asked what else she had to show me.

    I tried on a cream colored crinkled one that made me look like a ball of
    masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave me the appearance of an
    oversized napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of Leopard
    skin bathers with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane
    pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

    I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
    mourning. I tried on a bright pink one with such a high cut leg that I
    thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.

    Finally, I found a suit that fit - a two piece affair with a shorts-style
    bottom and a loose blouse type top. It was cheap comfortable and
    bulge friendly, so I bought it. When I got home, I read the label which
    said: "Material may become transparent in water."

    I'm determined to wear it anyway. I'll just have to learn to do the
    breaststroke in the sand.

  8. #18
    Taz
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    by the way i didn't write it..lol

  9. #19
    FORT Fan AliceBShoe's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Taz
    by the way i didn't write it..lol
    Nevertheless, this one belongs in the "art" thread-- such visual imagery!. . .lol

  10. #20
    Taz
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    That's exactly why i was afraid to post it...lol, and also didn't know if such "talk" was allowed, even if there are no bad words..


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