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Thread: My art

  1. #691
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nausicaa
    Brenna, that sketch is *excellent*. I mean it. The only thing I would suggest for it is perhaps to play up that contrast between the light and the shadows - maybe do a bit more shading to give your subject and the overall mood of the piece more intensity.

    I noticed there are a lot of new poems being posted here. Good job, everyone! Just want to say, however (even though this is not a forum for critiques ) that, when writing poetry, it's useful to consider different things: rhyme, meter, stanza, and imagery, etc etc. Good poetry often encompasses more than just stream-of-consciousness writing, good poetry avoids cliches and strives to be...y'know, innovative with language...poetic. Syntax and punctuation are also important to most poets, despite what one may deduce from reading e.e.cummings.

    Just a thought.
    ouch. I resemble that remark
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  2. #692
    FORT Fogey nausicaa's Avatar
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    Nothing personal, senrik. Just reminders that might be helpful to everyone. Heck, often I don't even practice what I preach.

  3. #693
    The Truth Is Out There ixcrisxi's Avatar
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    I'm confused and scared.
    Though, no more shy than he.
    We both see potential to be
    more than what we are.
    Still lonely without him here.
    Crying for you to reappear...

    Perfect gaze, prefect stare
    The odds of keeping you weren't fair.
    Sitting alone again
    I wonder if it was meant to be.
    had I spoiled a perfect intimacy?

    I'm so bothered.
    (I can't take this anymore.)
    I can't wait here for this to end.
    Cn't stay with the memories fresh in my head.

    Lying here...
    crying here...
    Dying here.
    -----


    Another poem for your viewing pleasure (or displeaure... ).
    MULDER: It's still there, Scully. 200,000 years down in the ice.

    SCULLY:
    Leave it there.

  4. #694
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nausicaa
    Nothing personal, senrik. Just reminders that might be helpful to everyone. Heck, often I don't even practice what I preach.
    its ok, I didn't take it personally. really people shouldn't be so sensitive to criticism.
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  5. #695
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    ix, that poem was very good, even if it does rhyme... it doesn't have the wishy-washy feel that a lot of rhyming prose does.

    I still find it hard to believe you're only 15. I don't think I could put together a complete sentence until I was 25, and sometimes I still wonder if I can.
    I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's eyes... but why... why... why can't it be me?

  6. #696
    FORT Fogey nausicaa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ixcrisxi
    Perfect gaze, prefect stare
    The odds of keeping you weren't fair.
    Sitting alone again
    I wonder if it was meant to be.
    had I spoiled a perfect intimacy?
    The best part of the poem, IMHO. Reminds me a little of Sylvia Plath and a lot of rock anthem girl hurt. Ixcrisxi, I think you're of those people who have a natural "feel" for poetry - all you gotta now to is wait for your style and sentiment to mature into it.

    I LOVE the first two lines.

    P.S. Pffft to so-called wishy-washy rhyming poems. Frost was far from sentimental, and he was one of its hugest proponents. Rhyming poetry may be an acquired taste, but it is a form just as valid, if not more so, than the much-abused verse libre.

    Edited to add: Oh, and Dylan Thomas' most anthologized poem is his villanelle - "Do Not Gently Into That Good Night". The finest.
    Last edited by nausicaa; 08-19-2003 at 04:59 PM.

  7. #697
    Don't Panic senrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nausicaa
    Edited to add: Oh, and Dylan Thomas' most anthologized poem is his villanelle - "Do Not Gently Into That Good Night". The finest.
    sorry to make light of it, but my favorite version of that one was in 'Back to school'
    "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

  8. #698
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    Quote Originally Posted by nausicaa
    P.S. Pffft to so-called wishy-washy rhyming poems. Frost was far from sentimental, and he was one of its hugest proponents. Rhyming poetry may be an acquired taste, but it is a form just as valid, if not more so, than the much-abused verse libre.
    Not all rhyming prose is wishy-washy, but very few poets have been able to carry it off effectively. That's purely personal taste speaking here, though. While it is certainly valid, it's overused and not done well more often than not.

    Sidebar - Sylvia Plath is incredible.
    Last edited by hazyshadeof; 08-19-2003 at 05:55 PM.
    I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's eyes... but why... why... why can't it be me?

  9. #699
    ~*Perfect Princess*~ Blazingorchidlv's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senrik
    your poems are quite stunning, really
    Wow...thank u

  10. #700
    ~*Perfect Princess*~ Blazingorchidlv's Avatar
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    I dont know if I've posted this one or not..if I have..just hit me! hehe
    And Senrik! your poems are awesome! I really like em
    WhErE

    Where did you go

    Where did your life end

    Where did your dreams go

    Wheres bright shining smile

    Your caring blue eyes

    Wheres your great ambition

    Where are your caring words

    Did you leave them behind

    Leave it all never to be seen

    Did you hide it in your yard

    Or lose it in the wind

    I want to see your sweet smile

    And hear your words once again

    I don't believe it is lost

    My mind won't believe you are gone

    Gone with the wind never to be seen

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