10 Things You Shouldn't Do

[Moon Skin Child]

Ten things you should never tell your kids:

1. The romantic story about the night they were conceived.
2. That they are picked up from the dustbin just around the corner.
3. That they will be consumed next Thanksgiving.
4. That someday they really will be smarter than you.
5. That their Indian name would be broken condom
6. That they would have died if it weren't for a wonder magical remedy involving goat crap and aliigator eyes.
7. Look at all of them, and say, "I'm sorry, but because of the economy the way it is...we're going to have to let one of you go."
8. Point to your trailer home and say "Someday, kids, this will all be yours".
9. Tell them that you gave them the gift of life and they have a life time to pay you back.
10. That the sandman is really Michael Jackson.

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech
1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...

[haejin]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.

[eldee]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)

[glennajo]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.

[Clipse]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."

[senrik]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."
6. Fart, Belch or pick your nose.

[J.D.]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."
6. Fart, Belch or pick your nose.
7. The names of the producers you had to sleep with to get the job.

[senrik]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."
6. Fart, Belch or pick your nose.
7. The names of the producers you had to sleep with to get the job.
(loosely based on 7. above)
8. Name the names of the people you had to sleep with in order to get the Oscar.

[haejin]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."
6. Fart, Belch or pick your nose.
7. The names of the producers you had to sleep with to get the job.
(loosely based on 7. above)
8. Name the names of the people you had to sleep with in order to get the Oscar.
9. Say that you wouldn't be here had you not caught the attention of the director/casting official/etc by starring in a "very heated" porn movie.

[J.D.]

Ten Things You Should Not Include in Your Oscar Acceptance Speech

1. The story about the time when Daddy wasn't so nice to you...
2. The story of how someone saved your life by urinating on you.
3. Thank "your Daddy" who spanked you when he really isn't related to you. (Whose your daddy!)
4. The story of how you got your first leading role by doing "naughty favors" for the producer.
5. Say "Imagine, one day your starting off as a fluffer for XXX rated movies and now this..."
6. Fart, Belch or pick your nose.
7. The names of the producers you had to sleep with to get the job.
(loosely based on 7. above)
8. Name the names of the people you had to sleep with in order to get the Oscar.
9. Say that you wouldn't be here had you not caught the attention of the director/casting official/etc by starring in a "very heated" porn movie.
10. Never say you think Halle Berry should have chosen a nicer outfit. (is the woman EVER not gorgeous!!)

Ten things you never want to do/say at your in-laws' holiday party.

1. THIS is your family?