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Thread: The *new and Improved* FORT LCS

  1. #501
    Nerds Just Wanna Have Fun Boredom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr_Trick
    You know what the difference between Target and Wal-Mart is... about $20,000 salary from its customers (rimshot, please)... Anyway if you are going to buy something from a store please make sure that you like it... Please try and return something before it gets 6 years old. There is nothing worse then being a manager at a store and hearing "Manager on Duty to customer service". Because you never know what escaped mental patient is waiting for you trying to return their six year old item that doesn't work anymore just because they do not like it, or it just isn't it wasn't used to be. If you are going to do that, try someplace that will take back anything, like Wal-Mart. Really just walk up to that counter, find that women with her white hair, her blue apron, her "Hello, May I Help You" name tag and drop your item on the shelf. Heck, you could probably return your child there. "I like to return my 3 year old, he isn't quite what I expected, and isn't what he used to be". She may not like it but she'll take it back, you probably get store credit though. But you can pick up some $5.88 DVDs, a bag of Cheetos, and a universal remote and that seems like a fair trade...


    I enjoyed that more than most of your other jokes, which is odd because I dont think this is your best material... you had a personality, even though you were wrting, and I liked that. It was a little bit confusing in the beginning, but once you got over that hump it was wonderful.

    Now I feel more like Gladys. If we've got a Deborah, a Gladys... people, we need a guest judge!

    ...At least that joke was funny in my mind.

  2. #502
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by boredouttamind
    Ok, first attempt at shopping...

    Have you gone to malls recently? Ok, it isn't that bad when you're by yourself, but how about when it's with your friends... and your mom? Then it suddenly becomes the outing from heck. It's really bad when you go back to school shopping. I was with some friends and my mom a couple days ago, and my mom what she described as the "omg cutest sweater ever". Of course, it was pink. I hate pink. I'm sorry people, but i'm already in touch with my feminine side, I don't need to wear pink and scream "HI THERE, MY NAME IS BORED, AND I FEEL PRISSY TODAY!!!" But she made me try it on. Then she forced me to show her. And my friends. You have not experienced bad until you have to wear a pink frizzy sweater in front of alll your friends...
    AWESOME!!!!

  3. #503
    Future Funny Man BIG_FUNNY_DUDE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boredouttamind
    Ok, first attempt at shopping...

    Have you gone to malls recently? Ok, it isn't that bad when you're by yourself, but how about when it's with your friends... and your mom? Then it suddenly becomes the outing from heck. It's really bad when you go back to school shopping. I was with some friends and my mom a couple days ago, and my mom what she described as the "omg cutest sweater ever". Of course, it was pink. I hate pink. I'm sorry people, but i'm already in touch with my feminine side, I don't need to wear pink and scream "HI THERE, MY NAME IS BORED, AND I FEEL PRISSY TODAY!!!" But she made me try it on. Then she forced me to show her. And my friends. You have not experienced bad until you have to wear a pink frizzy sweater in front of alll your friends...
    I'll go with this(just to keep fresh for later)

    Shopping with your mother is bad. Shopping with your cheap(OK extremely frugal because she was an executive for a bank) mother who constantly calls you "Junior" is painful. I mean hopping on your bike and forgetting you took the seat off painful. I remember one time when I was in high school, I begged my mother to get me sneakers. And this time I wanted Air Jordans or Bo Jaksons because I was tired of wearing cheap sneakers. (Yeah I was shallow and superficial...Yes I know some 10 year-old Korean kid named Wo Tran made them for 52 cents a year and his whole villiage was counting on him to bring home a bag of rice for his 14 year old sisters retirement party but DAMNIT I was 15 and I wanted my sneakers!) Anyway my mom and I get to DR. Jays which is like the "spot" for sneakers T-shirts and jeans you and your best friend can fit in and we go to the sneaker section. She sees the Jordans and she says: "$119.00! and gives me the "you better hit the lottery between now and when we get to the register" look and puts them back. I was crushed so I picked up the Bo Jacksons which were cheaper, and brought them over to my mom. Of course this girl who I had fallen love with because she had breasts and a pulse was there with her friends. "These are REAL GOOD mom! See?" My mom takes one look at them looks atthe salesman and says: "How much?" He goes "$109.00 plus tax." And my mother in her best and loudest Mrs. Howell impersonation goes: "Really? Do they tie themselves? LET'S GO JUNIOR!"She couldn't just say no and had to throw in JUNIOR. And as you guys know nothing says hey I'm available for my virginity to be taken like junior. Needles to say I was introduced to the wonderful world of summer jobs that year and I worked right up until I got my first check and brought myself those Jordans. Yeah I know, I'm sorry Wo Tran I hope your sister had one hell of a party.
    "A lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying."

  4. #504
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIG_FUNNY_DUDE
    I'll go with this(just to keep fresh for later)

    Shopping with your mother is bad. Shopping with your cheap(OK extremely frugal because she was an executive for a bank) mother who constantly calls you "Junior" is painful. I mean hopping on your bike and forgetting you took the seat off painful. I remember one time when I was in high school, I begged my mother to get me sneakers. And this time I wanted Air Jordans or Bo Jaksons because I was tired of wearing cheap sneakers. (Yeah I was shallow and superficial...Yes I know some 10 year-old Korean kid named Wo Tran made them for 52 cents a year and his whole villiage was counting on him to bring home a bag of rice for his 14 year old sisters retirement party but DAMNIT I was 15 and I wanted my sneakers!) Anyway my mom and I get to DR. Jays which is like the "spot" for sneakers T-shirts and jeans you and your best friend can fit in and we go to the sneaker section. She sees the Jordans and she says: "$119.00! and gives me the "you better hit the lottery between now and when we get to the register" look and puts them back. I was crushed so I picked up the Bo Jacksons which were cheaper, and brought them over to my mom. Of course this girl who I had fallen love with because she had breasts and a pulse was there with her friends. "These are REAL GOOD mom! See?" My mom takes one look at them looks atthe salesman and says: "How much?" He goes "$109.00 plus tax." And my mother in her best and loudest Mrs. Howell impersonation goes: "Really? Do they tie themselves? LET'S GO JUNIOR!"She couldn't just say no and had to throw in JUNIOR. And as you guys know nothing says hey I'm available for my virginity to be taken like junior. Needles to say I was introduced to the wonderful world of summer jobs that year and I worked right up until I got my first check and brought myself those Jordans. Yeah I know, I'm sorry Wo Tran I hope your sister had one hell of a party.


    You are so unbelievably talented! Have you ever thought of trying out for a spot on Leno or Letterman? You should be exempt from this competition, because you deliver like a pro!


  5. #505
    Nerds Just Wanna Have Fun Boredom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIG_FUNNY_DUDE
    I'll go with this(just to keep fresh for later)

    Shopping with your mother is bad. Shopping with your cheap(OK extremely frugal because she was an executive for a bank) mother who constantly calls you "Junior" is painful. I mean hopping on your bike and forgetting you took the seat off painful. I remember one time when I was in high school, I begged my mother to get me sneakers. And this time I wanted Air Jordans or Bo Jaksons because I was tired of wearing cheap sneakers. (Yeah I was shallow and superficial...Yes I know some 10 year-old Korean kid named Wo Tran made them for 52 cents a year and his whole villiage was counting on him to bring home a bag of rice for his 14 year old sisters retirement party but DAMNIT I was 15 and I wanted my sneakers!) Anyway my mom and I get to DR. Jays which is like the "spot" for sneakers T-shirts and jeans you and your best friend can fit in and we go to the sneaker section. She sees the Jordans and she says: "$119.00! and gives me the "you better hit the lottery between now and when we get to the register" look and puts them back. I was crushed so I picked up the Bo Jacksons which were cheaper, and brought them over to my mom. Of course this girl who I had fallen love with because she had breasts and a pulse was there with her friends. "These are REAL GOOD mom! See?" My mom takes one look at them looks atthe salesman and says: "How much?" He goes "$109.00 plus tax." And my mother in her best and loudest Mrs. Howell impersonation goes: "Really? Do they tie themselves? LET'S GO JUNIOR!"She couldn't just say no and had to throw in JUNIOR. And as you guys know nothing says hey I'm available for my virginity to be taken like junior. Needles to say I was introduced to the wonderful world of summer jobs that year and I worked right up until I got my first check and brought myself those Jordans. Yeah I know, I'm sorry Wo Tran I hope your sister had one hell of a party.

    I am unworthy...

  6. #506
    Future Funny Man BIG_FUNNY_DUDE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvm


    You are so unbelievably talented! Have you ever thought of trying out for a spot on Leno or Letterman? You should be exempt from this competition, because you deliver like a pro!

    AW shucks stop it. I'm blushing. Which is difficult to see on a black guy.
    "A lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying."

  7. #507
    Trust No One Mr_Trick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIG_FUNNY_DUDE
    I'll go with this(just to keep fresh for later)

    Shopping with your mother is bad. Shopping with your cheap(OK extremely frugal because she was an executive for a bank) mother who constantly calls you "Junior" is painful. I mean hopping on your bike and forgetting you took the seat off painful. I remember one time when I was in high school, I begged my mother to get me sneakers. And this time I wanted Air Jordans or Bo Jaksons because I was tired of wearing cheap sneakers. (Yeah I was shallow and superficial...Yes I know some 10 year-old Korean kid named Wo Tran made them for 52 cents a year and his whole villiage was counting on him to bring home a bag of rice for his 14 year old sisters retirement party but DAMNIT I was 15 and I wanted my sneakers!) Anyway my mom and I get to DR. Jays which is like the "spot" for sneakers T-shirts and jeans you and your best friend can fit in and we go to the sneaker section. She sees the Jordans and she says: "$119.00! and gives me the "you better hit the lottery between now and when we get to the register" look and puts them back. I was crushed so I picked up the Bo Jacksons which were cheaper, and brought them over to my mom. Of course this girl who I had fallen love with because she had breasts and a pulse was there with her friends. "These are REAL GOOD mom! See?" My mom takes one look at them looks atthe salesman and says: "How much?" He goes "$109.00 plus tax." And my mother in her best and loudest Mrs. Howell impersonation goes: "Really? Do they tie themselves? LET'S GO JUNIOR!"She couldn't just say no and had to throw in JUNIOR. And as you guys know nothing says hey I'm available for my virginity to be taken like junior. Needles to say I was introduced to the wonderful world of summer jobs that year and I worked right up until I got my first check and brought myself those Jordans. Yeah I know, I'm sorry Wo Tran I hope your sister had one hell of a party.
    Bravo....

  8. #508
    Nerds Just Wanna Have Fun Boredom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIG_FUNNY_DUDE
    AW shucks stop it. I'm blushing. Which is difficult to see on a black guy.
    Not as difficult as sunburn. I didn't know I had it until I started to peel

  9. #509
    Nerds Just Wanna Have Fun Boredom's Avatar
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    Here's another...

    Have you seen the “No loitering” signs in malls? Those are so stupid. Why do they have chairs and sofas? so old people can loiter! But no, if four teenagers are sitting down, the mall police tell them that if they do it again, they get banned from the mall. Ok, so it probably didn’t help that we were in the elevator. Or that one of my friends called that one police lady gassy...

  10. #510
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by boredouttamind
    Here's another...

    Have you seen the “No loitering” signs in malls? Those are so stupid. Why do they have chairs and sofas? so old people can loiter! But no, if four teenagers are sitting down, the mall police tell them that if they do it again, they get banned from the mall. Ok, so it probably didn’t help that we were in the elevator. Or that one of my friends called that one police lady gassy...
    Is this a true story?

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