#3 - just for fun.
Yesterday my computer caught a virus.
I know, I know. By now I should know better than to ever open an email I don't recognize but, in this day and age, I don't recognize a damned thing! After I sift through the eight million new emails I get daily, I'm lucky if my eyes will focus long enough to get me from my desk to the restroom.
The subject line of the email promised me a "firmer behind". You have to understand. I need a firmer behind. The IRS has kicked me in mine so often that I could use a little help to absorb the repeated blows.
Within seconds of downloading the attached image (Shut up. I needed to KNOW what my firmer behind would look like) my computer screen began to snap, crackle and pop so hard I went running for the milk. Cereal AND a firmer behind. I was pretty excited by this fortuitous turn of events.
By the time I return with my bowl and my spoon my friends from Kelloggs had been replaced by a huge yellow smily face complete with fangs and a short, scrolling message.
"Hacker Z has claimed your machine. Prepare to die."
Prepare to die. That was supposed to be a threat? Was that to send me scurrying to the local bomb shelter in an effort to save my soul? Not in my house, Mr Z, and let me tell you why.
I have four kids. That's right. Four. If I haven't died already, or willingly tossed myself from a nearby overpass, chances are your virus won't even be able to touch me.
You want to see a virus? You want to see something out of control? Come to my house. Between picking bologna slices off the walls and trying to explain to my neighbor why my toddler has shaved her dog YET AGAIN there is nothing you can do short of a nuclear weapon that will touch me.
Virus, my ass. If a hacker really wanted to do some damage, he'd send me a program that would shoot a feverish two year old out of my monitor when I downloaded it.
Now THAt would be something to be afraid of.