I'm not a bad cook... Really!

**Marleybone** · 09-05-2008, 03:14 PM

What is the worst/scariest/nastiest/most disgusting thing that has ever come out of your kitchen? If you've ever hit culinary rock bottom, dig deep and spill it here.

Here's mine: When we were first married and had very little money, I thought it would be really smart to follow the advice of a cookbook I had which had a theme of how to stretch your food dollar. The recipe I followed was to mix ground beef and kidney together because kidney was pretty cheap and you weren't supposed to be able to notice the difference. Right.

So... I ground up some kidney and mixed equal parts of it with the hamburger and made it into a meatloaf. The smell was beyond disgusting, the whole dish smelled like old urine, and tasted equally as bad. Nasty, nasty stuff. It took several days to get the smell out of the house. Mr. Marleybone didn't let me forget that for a looong time.

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schmoo2 · 09-05-2008, 03:42 PM

I was making spaghetti for my future spouse's family while their mom was in the hospital. Just him and his 2 younger brothers, who always gave me a hard time about everything.
Not thinking, I put the spaghetti in the water and THEN BROUGHT IT TO A BOIL. and served it with the sauce.

they still talk about my spaghetti logs to this day, but at that point those boys just quietly ate it without a word because I at least was trying to take care of them.

canuckinchile · 09-05-2008, 04:11 PM

When we were first married, I decided to make a shrimp dish for my husband's birthday. The recipe called for Sherry and I added some gawd awful cooking Sherry, not knowing any better. It was the main flavour for the dish, and it tasted like pure salt. It was truly disgusting. To my husband's credit he tried to choke it down with a smile on his face until I just took the plates away and cried

Yeah, good times.

DesertRose · 09-05-2008, 07:16 PM

I was on a Phat thai kick and tried to reproduce it at home. A friend was coming over for supper and asked if she could bring a date. No problem I said. The recipe said to keep the noodles in water for a specific number of minutes and when I took them out they were still hard. I thought they would cook a little longer in the Phat thai sauce, but no. They turned out crunchy as heck. I insisted we call for pizza instead, but my friend and her date insisted I didn't. I bet they stopped somewhere for a bite to eat when they left my house.

myrosiedog · 09-05-2008, 10:15 PM

Marleybone, my grandmother used to grind liver and add it to meatloaf. I didn't like meatloaf until I was grown and could make it myself sans liver. I can't even imagine it with kidney. They are SO gross.

I've had some lulu's before, can't remember any specifics, but I once made a casserole that we dumped in the trash and ordered pizza because it was so bad.

My worst disasters usually involve rice and biscuits, fried eggs and pancakes. I can't flip an egg without breaking the yolk and I make burned pancakes that are raw in the middle. My rice is either crunchy or mushy and my biscuits must come from Ellie Mae Clampett's cookbook.
Which is why my husband usually makes breakfast and I have a rice cooker and a big box of bisquick.

And he loves to tell everyone I can't make rice which they all find so funny for some reason.

SuperBrat · 09-06-2008, 12:55 AM

Well, I havent had many cooking horror stories. But we always make fun of my sister for her cooking abilities. We always knew when she was cooking when we found towels draped over the smoke detectors.

doxie · 09-06-2008, 03:32 AM

When I was a kid, my mother made an attempt at making dressing. My dad stuck a fork in it to serve us at Christmas dinner and it EXPLODED. Literally, dressing was on the ceiling and all over the table. She bought turkey and dressing for Christmas dinner every year after that.

Six years ago, we decided to have Christmas dinner at our house. I was determined that I could make dressing. I cut a recipe out of the paper (Grandma's Famous Dresssing) and I made it twice in the weeks leading up to the holidays. Three days before Christmas, I was getting a grocery list together and I could not find the recipe! I tore up the house looking for it and I was very near to tears. Mr. Doxie got online and found it in the newspaper archives but he had to PAY to have it emailed to him! The dressing that year (and every year since) turned out great, but we have copies of that recipe in our email boxes, on the fridge and in several other undisclosed locations!

luvsginger · 09-06-2008, 10:07 AM

Doxie, You must post that recipe in the recipe thread! (not the exploding one!)

famita · 09-06-2008, 10:50 AM

I remember when I had just gotten an apartment and was living with my to be husband (then ex), we were celebrating and I decided to have steak and baked potatoes. I was so "green" and stupid. I baked the potatoes and thought it would be great to roast the steak at the same time. It was a lovely huge round steak! By the time the potatoes were done, the steak was leather on one side. I was horrified! My "other" very nicely tried to eat the steak (as much as he could), but we ended up laughing. He became a good cook while we were married-I didn't enjoy cooking then. I became a decent cook after our divorce.

Lil Bit · 09-06-2008, 10:57 AM

I remember trying to make meat balls and I think I did everything right, except I fried the hamburger first. Couldn't figure out why they wouldn't stick together.

When I got married we had my parents over for dinner. I made a pot of coffee for my dad. I didn't drink coffee at the time. Dad took one sip, dumped out the entire pot and said, "come here sweetie. I'm gonna show you how to make coffee." He said mine was as thick as mud and almost as tasty.

09-05-2008, 03:14 PM	#1
Marleybone Brrr... Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 14,509	I'm not a bad cook... Really! What is the worst/scariest/nastiest/most disgusting thing that has ever come out of your kitchen? If you've ever hit culinary rock bottom, dig deep and spill it here. Here's mine: When we were first married and had very little money, I thought it would be really smart to follow the advice of a cookbook I had which had a theme of how to stretch your food dollar. The recipe I followed was to mix ground beef and kidney together because kidney was pretty cheap and you weren't supposed to be able to notice the difference. Right. So... I ground up some kidney and mixed equal parts of it with the hamburger and made it into a meatloaf. The smell was beyond disgusting, the whole dish smelled like old urine, and tasted equally as bad. Nasty, nasty stuff. It took several days to get the smell out of the house. Mr. Marleybone didn't let me forget that for a looong time. __________________ A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check Made payable to The United States of America for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'

09-05-2008, 03:42 PM	#2
schmoo2 ... Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,820	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! I was making spaghetti for my future spouse's family while their mom was in the hospital. Just him and his 2 younger brothers, who always gave me a hard time about everything. Not thinking, I put the spaghetti in the water and THEN BROUGHT IT TO A BOIL. and served it with the sauce. they still talk about my spaghetti logs to this day, but at that point those boys just quietly ate it without a word because I at least was trying to take care of them.

09-05-2008, 04:11 PM	#3
canuckinchile Forum Assistant Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: back in "The Big Smoke" Posts: 4,498	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! When we were first married, I decided to make a shrimp dish for my husband's birthday. The recipe called for Sherry and I added some gawd awful cooking Sherry, not knowing any better. It was the main flavour for the dish, and it tasted like pure salt. It was truly disgusting. To my husband's credit he tried to choke it down with a smile on his face until I just took the plates away and cried Yeah, good times.

09-05-2008, 07:16 PM	#4
DesertRose When coffee just won't do Join Date: May 2005 Location: Reno hell Posts: 3,357	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! I was on a Phat thai kick and tried to reproduce it at home. A friend was coming over for supper and asked if she could bring a date. No problem I said. The recipe said to keep the noodles in water for a specific number of minutes and when I took them out they were still hard. I thought they would cook a little longer in the Phat thai sauce, but no. They turned out crunchy as heck. I insisted we call for pizza instead, but my friend and her date insisted I didn't. I bet they stopped somewhere for a bite to eat when they left my house.

09-05-2008, 10:15 PM	#5
myrosiedog FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Nat'l Championship bowl bound. Go Gators! Age: 46 Posts: 12,060 Blog Entries: 7	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! Marleybone, my grandmother used to grind liver and add it to meatloaf. I didn't like meatloaf until I was grown and could make it myself sans liver. I can't even imagine it with kidney. They are SO gross. I've had some lulu's before, can't remember any specifics, but I once made a casserole that we dumped in the trash and ordered pizza because it was so bad. My worst disasters usually involve rice and biscuits, fried eggs and pancakes. I can't flip an egg without breaking the yolk and I make burned pancakes that are raw in the middle. My rice is either crunchy or mushy and my biscuits must come from Ellie Mae Clampett's cookbook. Which is why my husband usually makes breakfast and I have a rice cooker and a big box of bisquick. And he loves to tell everyone I can't make rice which they all find so funny for some reason. __________________ Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley Que me amat, amet et canem meum (Who loves me will love my dog also)

09-06-2008, 12:55 AM	#6
SuperBrat Aint I a lil devil? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Seattle Age: 26 Posts: 995	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! Well, I havent had many cooking horror stories. But we always make fun of my sister for her cooking abilities. We always knew when she was cooking when we found towels draped over the smoke detectors. __________________ Pink Elephants on Parade!

09-06-2008, 03:32 AM	#7
doxie Hammin' it up Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Walking in a Wiener Wonderland Posts: 881	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! When I was a kid, my mother made an attempt at making dressing. My dad stuck a fork in it to serve us at Christmas dinner and it EXPLODED. Literally, dressing was on the ceiling and all over the table. She bought turkey and dressing for Christmas dinner every year after that. Six years ago, we decided to have Christmas dinner at our house. I was determined that I could make dressing. I cut a recipe out of the paper (Grandma's Famous Dresssing) and I made it twice in the weeks leading up to the holidays. Three days before Christmas, I was getting a grocery list together and I could not find the recipe! I tore up the house looking for it and I was very near to tears. Mr. Doxie got online and found it in the newspaper archives but he had to PAY to have it emailed to him! The dressing that year (and every year since) turned out great, but we have copies of that recipe in our email boxes, on the fridge and in several other undisclosed locations! __________________ Click here to automatically donate FREE kibble to homeless dogs and cats in shelters.

09-06-2008, 10:07 AM	#8
luvsginger Happy New Year!!! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Party Land Posts: 1,297	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! Doxie, You must post that recipe in the recipe thread! (not the exploding one!) __________________ I should have known you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.

09-06-2008, 10:50 AM	#9
famita FORT Fogey Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 2,520	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! I remember when I had just gotten an apartment and was living with my to be husband (then ex), we were celebrating and I decided to have steak and baked potatoes. I was so "green" and stupid. I baked the potatoes and thought it would be great to roast the steak at the same time. It was a lovely huge round steak! By the time the potatoes were done, the steak was leather on one side. I was horrified! My "other" very nicely tried to eat the steak (as much as he could), but we ended up laughing. He became a good cook while we were married-I didn't enjoy cooking then. I became a decent cook after our divorce.

09-06-2008, 10:57 AM	#10
Lil Bit FORT Fogey Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Iowa Posts: 1,007	Re: I'm not a bad cook... Really! I remember trying to make meat balls and I think I did everything right, except I fried the hamburger first. Couldn't figure out why they wouldn't stick together. When I got married we had my parents over for dinner. I made a pot of coffee for my dad. I didn't drink coffee at the time. Dad took one sip, dumped out the entire pot and said, "come here sweetie. I'm gonna show you how to make coffee." He said mine was as thick as mud and almost as tasty.