I’d like to start out today by saying that we really dodged a bullet last week. At the end of last week’s show, Mo’Nique said that New York would be joining the ladies for the rest of the season of Charm School, and I swear my heart skipped a beat. Then she said she was joking and everything was okay again. Now, if anyone could use Charm School it’s New York, but I’ve just seen enough of her for a while. I need a break- at least until I Love New York 2.
So, tonight the house is New York-free and I am happy. Now to the recap.
Return of the mack?
Becky feels a little bad that Larissa was eliminated last week, when it was supposed to be her, but not bad enough to quit the show or anything. She’s glad she didn’t quit last week because now she is that much closer to the $50,000 prize.
Tonight’s lesson is Unless Thou Can Play, Thou Will Be Played. Since Mo’Nique will soon be sending the ladies back into the real world, she wants to make sure they’re equipped with all the life lessons they need to not live like skanks any longer. This week’s special guest is relationship expert Tariq "K-Flex" Nasheed, author of books Play or be Played, The Art of Mackin and The Mack Within. Oooh- Becky likey! She thinks Tariq looks like a pimp, and she likes pimps. That explains a lot.
Relationship 101… now with pie charts!
Tariq starts his lesson and the ladies are riveted, because as Shay puts it, “it’s always good to have someone up there who is cute, because you pay more attention to what they’re saying.” She’s right really, because I know that if my high school Algebra II teacher had been attractive… and male, I would totally be an engineer or something like that now.
Tariq introduces the 4 Ps- Players, Professionals, Pushovers and Parolees. Then he pulls out some pie charts and VH1 takes the opportunity to show Brooke in the shower with Flava Flav. Any excuse, eh VH1? Brooke likes the players, Becky likes the pushovers, and Shay’s had some experience with the parolees. The professional is about his money, and that’s Leilene’s kind of man. All of these guys have their positives and negatives, so to get an even mix of all 4, our ladies need to look for the Urban Renaissance Man. These guys have swagger, but are about their educations. They might be polite, but slightly gangster.
OMG! The ladies finish with their relationship lesson, and Dean Mikki gives them the most exciting news I’ve heard all season- they’re having a Charm School prom! A prom! Complete with several eligible bachelors to choose from. There will be representatives from all of the 4 Ps, plus one Urban Renaissance Man. The lady who picks the URM will be safe from elimination. I don’t really care about that part though- they’re having a prom! I only hope the ladies have enough time to dress up in frilly gowns and have their weaves styled into updos.
Bring on the puffy dresses and spiked punch!
The ladies sit around and dish for a while before the prom, and Shay poses a question: what if none of them pick the URM? I think that’s a very good question, considering that all of these women were at one point interested in Flava Flav.
When it’s time to dress for the prom, I’m happy to see that they each get to choose a frilly dress, but they’re responsible for doing their own hair, which doesn’t seem very promy to me. Becky thinks she looks like Barbie threw up on her, Leilene tells Brooke she isn’t going to show the men her lingerie, and Brooke responds by announcing she’s not wearing any panties. If she spreads that around she’ll probably be the most popular belle at the ball.
The ladies arrive at the prom looking lovely and demure, and Mo’Nique points out that she picked out all the dresses herself. Way to go Mo. Then she brings in the guests- a bunch of guys in suits. Some attractive, and some… not so attractive. Saaphyri is pissed about the selection of men, because she took so much time to get ready, and all the guys are ugly. We at home get to see who’s who, and I am interested to see that the guy named Sun Ra (also known as Seashell) is an actual parolee, who served time in a federal penitentiary for 8 years. Some added info about Sun Ra? He considers himself the foreplay specialist and he never has sex with the same woman more than once. How can he really- all of his special foreplay is probably way too much for a woman to handle more than once. I’m guessing Brooke will make a beeline straight to him.
Why do you make me do this, Brooke? Every week!
First dance is ladies choice, and Leilene goes straight to one of the professional guys. After admiring his suit, talking about how much they both love shopping, and him telling her how beautiful she is, Leilene decides he is the URM. Oh, and I forgot to mention that Leilene just gave this big speech about how since she’s a stripper, she’s an expert at reading people, so there’s no way she’d going to fail this task.
Becky has a good plan- she plans to speak to every guy at the prom so she can figure out who the URM is. Brooke also has a good plan- she is going to let loose and get her freak on with multiple men. About five minutes into the prom, she shrieks that it would be so much more fun if everyone was naked, which makes Mo’Nique shake her head sadly. Then, a few minutes later she’s talking to one of the players, who tells her he’s a massage therapist. He lets her know that he could massage her shoulders, back, feet, thighs, and Brooke asks “what about the vagina area?” Again, Mo’Nique shakes her head sadly. I am also sad because before this show, I never had to use the word “vagina” in my recaps. To make this encounter complete, Brooke propositions the guy, and they walk off into the sunset. Or into the closet.
The players get played.
As the night progresses, so does the alcohol consumption. Most of the women remember that they are supposed to be figuring out which one of the men is the URM, but Brooke thinks she’s supposed to be hooking up with the best looking guy there. Excuse me, the best looking guy there in her opinion. Shay is stuck talking with the parolee, who she’s got pegged as a player, and Becky is out on the dance floor dropping one liners left and right. Leilene thinks she’s found her soul mate, with her professional guy who loves to shop and announces that she is having the best night of her life- after she says that she loves movies like Dude, Where’s My Car.
After Brooke’s done receiving her erotic massage, she decides it’s time for her to scope out the rest of the guys, and talk some more about her special area. She asks the actual URM if he likes to f*** or make love. Wow, I absolutely cannot understand why this woman lost her job teaching kindergarteners. The URM doesn’t really want to answer the question, and Brooke finds him boring and immediately ditches him. Without even asking him to make out first- how rude is that??
Brooke moves on to the parolee, and they have a truly gross discussion and encounter filled with double entendres. It gets so bad that Mo’Nique refuses to watch any more. I wish I had that option.
Not surprisingly, the URM is sitting by himself and is being ignored by the women. I think he should consider himself lucky though, because at least Brooke isn’t grinding up all on him, and he doesn’t have to deal with crazy Saaphyri. That’s right- Saaphyri has been kind of quiet during this prom, but that all changes when Sun Ra Seashell makes a remark about how busty women get stretch marks on their chests, so there’s just no need for large breasts. Well, since Saaphyri is kind of top heavy, she takes this remark very personally and decides it’s time to do some freaking out and trash talking. Luckily, her trash talk is aimed at Sun Ra, and he’s a major putz so he deserves it.
Mo’Nique calls a halt to the prom and gathers all the attendees in the front hall. She tells the ladies to each pin their boutonnieres on the man they think is the URM. The ladies get to their pinnin’, and lo and behold, not one picks the right guy. Not one!
Leilene picked Owen, the Professional. Shay and Saaphyri picked Brandon, the Pushover. Brooke and Becky picked Tiaunte, another Pushover, and that means that everyone loses, and no one is safe from elimination.
Attention, ladies- Leilene can think for herself.
When the ladies get up the next morning, they notice they have a new assignment- since they all got played yesterday, and some of them (*ahem, Brooke), acted slutty, they each need to write down who they thought was the best representation of their Charm School class, and who they thought was the worst representation. The women with the most votes as the best will be safe from elimination. And the woman with the most votes for the worst will be Brooke.
This news puts everyone in a tizzy, and they sit down to have a deep discussion about who best represented and who was the worst. Brooke thinks she was the best, Saaphyri thinks she was the best because she did not get angry at the prom at all. What?? Did they show us a different prom or something, because I definitely saw some anger from Saaphyri! Leilene doesn’t know why she did the best, and I think everyone should vote for her because at least she’s honest.
The ladies split up, and try to do some negotiating for votes amongst themselves. Shay and Brooke try to persuade Leilene to vote for Shay as the best. Saaphyri tries to persuade Leilene to vote her way, but all this is just too much for Leilene to comprehend, and she can’t figure out which way she should go.
It’s time to vote, and Leilene still looks completely confused. After some very Survivor-like footage, it’s revealed that Becky was voted best, and Brooke was voted the worst. Even better? Leilene cast the deciding vote for Brooke. Back in the room, Brooke confronts Leilene and forces her to tell her why she voted the way she did. I think she’s expecting a spacey answer, but Leilene very intelligently says that she does not think Brooke behaved appropriately at the prom, and did not represent what they were all supposed to be learning in Charm School. Brooke disagrees, and proceeds to call Leilene a lot of very bad names. She tells Leilene that she came on the show so that America would forget that she’s a stripper, but at the end of the day, she’s going to go back home and continue to strip. Oh well. At least she doesn’t give it away for free.
When Leilene leaves the room, Saaphyri tells Brooke that they all thought she was acting slutty at the prom, but Brooke turns the conversation around to Leilene’s stripping again. And I’m done covering this part of the show, because frankly I think Brooke should just stand up and own her skankiness instead of trying to move the focus to Leilene.
That’s what you get for being a slutascious whore.
I’m a little nervous to hear what Mo’Nique has to say about the prom. Since Becky was voted the best, she’s safe for another week, but everyone else is at risk. Brooke is the first called to the carpet, followed by Leilene, and then Saaphyri.
The judges were disappointed with Leilene for spending the most time with the man she was attracted to, because this was a competition, and she didn’t even give herself a chance to win. Saaphyri managed to let herself get baited into a fight by a schmuck, and Brooke acted like a complete whore. They say more than that, but that’s what it all boils down to.
In the shock of the century, (not!), Mo’Nique expels Brooke for her less than ladylike behavior at the prom. Mo’Nique calls her a complete embarrassment and then basically tells her she acted like a prostitute. Wow! Mo’Nique is sad that this is Brooke’s first appearance on the floor, and she’s there because she is the whore of Charm School. Brooke takes exception to this, and tells her that “whore” is where she draws the line. You can call her a pig, a slut, a skank… just not a whore! Brooke storms out of the house, crying, but sadly does not spit on anyone.
Only 4 women remain, and next week they have their Finals! Tune in to the season finale!