And I thought the Roadrunner was fast Dog Eat Dog Recap 6-3-03
Poor LG’s NBC station decided to air the Billy Graham Crusade in her area instead of Dog Eat Dog. Since I don’t want to go to hell, please insert your own joke here:______
____________ . Hey, you’re pretty funny. Now go to confession.
Being a substitute teacher I get called upon at the last minute quite often. I was more than happy to fill in for LurkingGirl, but feel that I should warn you that I am not nearly as talented a writer. Add to that the fact that my TiVo wanna-be stopped working and I couldn’t pause or record and what we wind up with is a crappy recap.
So, ummm… enjoy :)
The show opens with our host Brook in a bikini being rained on while suspended above the Dog Eat Dog pool. No this is not a repeat of last week, I think this happens often.
We meet the competitors and all I get are their names.. no ages, no occupations, no home towns. Sorry about that folks.
Jennifer Geodhart… I don’t get more info, but do notice that her hair dresser must have a thing for Pepe Le Pew cartoons as it looks like her hair underwent some skunkifying.
Jason Helterscheidt see, this is why I missed the rest of the info, I was concentrating on the name and I still think I butchered the spelling.
Stephanie Gabriel No excuse as to why I didn’t get more info on her. She has an easy name.
Jamie Franklin yeah… see above
Brock Worthen My reason for no info on him is that his name got me thinking about candy.
Stunt One: Water Beam
The person receiving most votes from their peers needs to walk a beam suspended above the water and grab a flag. They must then walk back. Sounds easy, but what would Dog Eat Dog be if the contestants didn’t get really wet while doing a stunt? Of course there will be water jets trying to knock the walker off the beam. The person will get two tries.
The loser is Natasha. She is a pretty young thing, and for once a contestant who is not anorexic. She fills her bikini out very nicely, almost to the point of actually falling out of it, but somehow the light green top and dark green bottoms stay on. She informs us that she has had 15 years of ballet training. Uh oh.
She makes it across the beam and most of the way back before giving us a performance of Swan Lake. On her second try she gets the rhythm of the jets and makes it across rather easily.
Jason, in a shirt borrowed from our beloved Ilikai, is sent to the Dog Pound.
Stunt Two: Leap Of Faith
the person designated by fellow players to attempt this stunt must jump off a platform high in the air onto a pad with numbered circles on it. It is a tie between Jamie and Jennifer. Of course the choice goes to Jason in the Dog Pound and Jamie is chosen as the human dart.
He is wearing a blue T-Shirt with red sleeves and tan Capri pants. Yes Jamie is short for James. He has a dazzling smile and enjoys his “Tinkerbell impersonation” on the way to the platform. Be quiet, those were his words not mine.
He needs a total of 50 points in three jumps, but only needs two. He sends Stephanie to the Dog pound. In case you care Stephanie is wearing a yellow spaghetti stringed tank top and white pants.
Stunt Three: Sliding Floor Trivia
It’s Brocks turn to attempt this stunt. He will be on a platform high above the pool. He will need to answer trivia questions and each wrong answer will result in the floor sliding out from underneath him. 10 right before he falls and he wins.
The others seem to think he will not do well with this, as he doesn’t look like he could do the splits. He informs us that he used to play Spiderman at Universal Studios. He tells us he’s quite agile. Yes, I know I bolded it…. I wanted to make sure you read it.
He answers his first three questions wrong and things aren’t looking good. I can’t be too hard on him, as I didn’t know Israel’s monetary unit or Dr. Phil’s last name either. (Sheckle and McGraw) The Shakespeare question I would have guessed right, but it would have been a guess. (Othello).
He then received a bunch of easy questions including: Tobey McGuire played Peter Parker in a film about which comic book hero?
Obviously he wins the challenge and Jennifer goes to the Dog Pound hoping for at least 5 grand so she can do something about her hair.
Wait, maybe I’m the one hoping she’ll use it for her hair.
The three remaining contestants have all had to perform a stunt and have all won. What a great episode. Well, Brook seems to think it’s worth mentioning.
Stunt 4: Lift Off
Here the contestant must grab a bar thingy that will lift them, say it with me: “High above the pool”. That person must then grab a flag and drop into the water, only to be lifted up again. They must grab 5 flags within 2 and a half minutes.
The loser is Natasha, the winners are every person who has been waiting to get a glimpse of her again. They whoop and holler as she disrobes to reveal a Hawaiian themed bikini. I am sure I hear JR in the audience and smile, as I know he is happy to be there.
She doesn’t seem to have a problem with this stunt and finishes with plenty of time to spare.
Brock gets sent to the pound. Buh-Bye.
Final Stunt: I missed the name…so, ummmm…. The trapeze thingy “high above the water”
Jamie and Natasha will be lifted into the air. Once up there they will need to hang upside down by their feet (twisting them into the ropes holding the trapeze). Whichever one lasts the longest will be the Big Dog. Oh yeah, after one minute it will start to rain, after two minutes we get a surprise. Oh goody.
I anxiously await the two-minute mark.
SURPRISE.. they are lowered. OK, there was a bit more to it than that, they kind of dropped down to a much lower level, but still I had expected more.
Natasha hangs on for a total of 2 minutes and 33 seconds, but can’t hang. Jamie is the winner.
OK, I don’t know what they call this portion, so I made that title up too.
Category 1: Sports. Jamie chooses Natasha. She incorrectly names Sena Williams as the winner of the women’s singles ot Wimbledon 2002. So close honey. I mean that. It’s Serena.
Category 2: Politics. He chooses Jennifer who has no idea who replaced Rudy Giuliani as Mayor of New York. It was Michael Bloomberg. Jamie is happy with his 2 points.
Category 3: Science: Jamie keeps the female thang going and it’s up to Stephanie to gain points for the Dog Pound or the show will be over. Brook asks which prescription medicine initially used to treat High Blood Pressure was approved by the FDA for use as an over the counter balding remedy. Stephanie thanks her balding brother as she says Rogaine with Monoxidil. Brook lets us know that ether answer was acceptable. Staphine keeps the Dog Pound alive.
Category 4: Fashion. It’s up to Hawaiian shirt wearing Jason to answer the question about a hip hop artist with a clothing line called “Sean John”. Jason says he can’t stand him but the answer is Puff Daddy. He’s right and has tied the score.
Final Category: Animals. Now, I won’t say this show is rigged, but really…. What flightless bird can run upt o 40 miles an hour. Hmmmm, the only flightless birds I can think of are Penguins, Turkeys that are bred to be top heavy for plenty of Thanksgiving breast meat and the Ostrich. Yeah, I don’t see Opus and Tom bookin’ it anywhere near 40 mph. Neither does Brock, so the Dog Pound wins it all and splits the 25 grand.
To contact the author of this article please email: firstname.lastname@example.org