Fear Factor 05-12-03
Welcome to the finals boys and girls! Tonight, one of these guys will win for a third time and be crowned Fear Factor Grand Champion. Sadly (for me), there will be no gratuitous bikini shots this week.
Since there are only 4 of them, I think I can manage a brief rundown:
Chad Morris – Firefighter/Paramedic from Toledo, Ohio. He doesn’t have much to say other than “I’m nervous”.
Todd Staples – Visual Effects Artist from Stinson Beach, California. He’s going to go all out. Uh yeah, that’s a good strategy.
Aaron Mullen – Waiter from St. Peters, Missouri. He wants his competition to think he’s crazy. They’ll probably just find him annoying like I do.
Mark Hewlett – Importer from Durban, South Africa. According to him, fate is on his side. Well, we’ll see about that.
The boys make their way through a lot and meet up with host Joe Rogan who’s standing by a pool. Joe welcomes them, congratulates them for making it this far, and shows them the first stunt:
A 50 foot long clear box is submerged in the pool, and split into 3 chambers. In each chamber there is a small air pocket and 3 flags hanging along the top. Contestants must swim down, unlock a door to each section, and make their way through grabbing as many flags as possible. If they all manage to get all 9 flags, the 3 fastest times will move on to the next stunt. Damn, we need women for this one.
Todd is lucky #1, and is not too happy about that. He gets the countdown and takes off, quickly grabbing 3 flags before taking a breath of air. He heads back down, unlocks the door, and moves into the next section. He decides to take another breath before collecting the flags and moves to the next section before going for air again. Back under, he grabs the last 3 flags and heads for the last door. He opens the door and makes it to the surface in 2 minutes flat.
Aaron is up next, and starts rambling something about Aquaman. It doesn’t take long for the others to get annoyed, and I can’t say that I blame them. He’s ready and gets underway. He grabs the 3 flags, but heads back to get some air. That may cost him. He moves through the first door and goes for another breath before getting the flags. Aaron gets the remaining 3, opens the last door, and hits the surface in 2 minutes, 16.2 seconds.
He treats everyone to more Aquaman nonsense. Someone punch him.
Chad is on deck, and admits to being nervous. Gee, there’s a surprise. He takes off, grabs the flags, and has a little trouble finding the airhole. While coming back down to open the door, he drops 1 of the flags. I don’t know why he didn’t clip them to his belt like the others did. He moves to the next chamber and drops another while trying to open the next door. He goes for more air before taking on the last section, and yep you guessed it, drops another flag at that door. Imagine this guy saving burning babies… He finishes in 2:35 with a pathetic 3 flags.
Mark closes this stunt out. He steadily makes his way through the chambers, stopping for air at each of the 3 spots. He’s moving a bit too slowly as he gets through the last door and breaks the surface in 2:21.
That’s more than enough to send Chad down the walk of shame. Maybe he won’t be so nervous now.
The 3 amigos walk through a warehouse and see Joe standing by 3 tables and a bucket. He lets them in on their next stunt:
Each contestant must eat a shot glass full of earthworms, transfer 7 pounds of worms from 1 container to another, transfer 1 pound of Madagascar Hissing cockroaches, and finally toss 10 “feeder” rats into a bucket from behind a barrier that looks to be about 3 feet away. Contestants must not use their hands. The 2 fastest times will go to the finals. Oh what fun!
Todd is up first again, and quickly downs his worms. He moves to the transfer and gets his quota at about 1 minute in. On to the roaches, and they seem to be taking a little longer. He finishes with them at a bit over 2 minutes and heads over to the rats. He misses his first 2 shots, but comes back to nail the next 10. He ends up with a time of 4 minutes 50.3 seconds.
Mark is up next, and downs the worms like a shot of bourbon – 5 seconds. He transfers the worms in under a minute and goes on the roaches. He too has trouble with the bugs and finishes on pace with Todd. He moves on to the rats, and hits his first 4 before missing. He finishes up with a time of 3 minutes 52.1 seconds. That puts him in the finals.
It’s put up or shut up time for Aaron. He doesn’t look too happy about this, and is much less animated. He has a lot of trouble sucking down the worms and is already about a minute in. He moves to the transfer, and picks up the pace a bit. He has difficulty with the roaches as well and heads to the rats at about 3 minutes. He has all sorts of problems with the vermin, and only manages to get 2 before running out of time. Truly a sorry-ass performance. Good, now we don’t have to listen to him.
And then there were 2. The bosom buddies end up on the top of a parking garage. Joe congratulates them once again, and introduces the final stunt:
I Believe I Can Fly
Contestants must drive a car down a runway, up a ramp, and out over hundreds of stacked boxes. The person that clears the most distance will win. This stunt looks really cool.
Todd loses the coin toss, and must go first once again. He gets suited up and strapped in, and gets the countdown. He takes off, careful not to spin the tires, and heads for the ramp. Pyro shoots out as he hits the ramp and corkscrews through the air, landing right-side up. He gets a distance of 54 feet 3 ½ inches.
It all comes down to Mark, who says that he’s going to help out his folks if he wins. What a nice boy. He gets his countdown and takes off. Down the runway, up the ramp, more pyro and another vomit inducing spin later - Mark lands at a distance of 62 feet 7 inches.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mark Hewlett is your Fear Factor Grand Champion! Congratulations Mark, you certainly deserve it.
Next week: The season finale will feature “15 of the most outrageous moments of this season”.
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