Fear Factor 03-24-03
Welcome back for yet another special edition. This time, young Miss USA hopefuls get to embarrass themselves for our viewing pleasure! I’m excited already, so let’s meet ‘em before I have an accident:
Brittney Rogers – Miss Louisiana from Shreveport, LA. She’s here to break the “pageant girl” stereotype. That sounds like a daunting task.
Elisa Schleef – Miss Michigan from St. Joseph, MI. She’s looking forward to getting down and dirty. Heh, me too!
Sarah Cahill – Miss Minnesota from Waseca, MN. “To win Miss USA you have to be more than just a pretty face”. Um honey, this is Fear Factor. Did you take a wrong turn somewhere?
Kelly Chapman – Miss Utah from Salt Lake City, UT. “I love to sweat and get dirty, whether it’s during a stunt or with the other girls” Ding ding, we have a winner! Oh, I feel faint.
Kristen Luneberg – Miss North Carolina from Durham, NC. Not your typical “pageant girl”, or so she claims, she played varsity field hockey, softball and basketball. Won the state athletic Heisman trophy award, whatever that is.
Alina Ogle – Miss New Mexico from Albuquerque, NM. She’s going to take care of business. Hopefully she means monkey business.
The ladies use their finely honed pageant walking skills to saunter through a warehouse and meet up with host Joe Rogan, who is standing by a pool.**woohoo** He goes over the rules and lets them in on the first stunt:
Hold your breath
Contestants will be hung by their feet and lowered into the pool. They are given weights to hold on to and release when they’re ready to be pulled up. The 4 that hold their breath the longest will advance.
Sarah is up first, and reveals a beautiful red 2 piece. Joe asks for a prediction and she replies, “A minute and a half…is that a long time”. Oh boy. She gets into position, and is lowered in. She’s fairly calm at first, but starts to twitch at about 30 seconds. She lets go of the weights in 35.1 seconds.
Brittney is next, and is wearing a baby blue 2 piece. She doesn’t seem to have any trouble, but lets go at exactly 35.1 seconds too.
Alina’s turn, and she’s sporting a shiny blue 2 piece. For some reason, she decides to arch her back while underwater. She manages to hang on for 31.2 seconds.
Elisa is up next, and shows off her lovely red 2 piece with white trim. She’s freakishly calm, it almost looks like she’s dead. She gets to about a minute before showing signs of life, and is able to hang on for a time of 1:22.3. Very impressive.
Kelly strips down to her lemon-yellow 2 piece, and assumes the position. She’s so busy hooting and hollering, she doesn’t take a deep enough breath as she’s lowered in. That proves costly as she panics and lets go in 18.1 seconds. She says she felt “claustrophobic”. Uh…it’s a giant pool. It’s walk of shame time for Kelly.
Kristen closes this out in a pale yellow 2 piece with black trim. She shuts her eyes so tightly that I’m afraid something’s going to break. She hangs on for 47.2 seconds, which is enough to send Alina packing.
The remaining ladies make their way down to the docks and end up on the bow of a boat. Joe congratulates them, and introduces their next stunt:
Dude, where’s my squid?
Contestants must dive down into a tank filled with water and 5000 pounds of rotting fish scales. At the bottom are 8 thermoses, and 1 is filled with fermented squid guts. They must find the squid and eat a cup as fast as possible. The 3 fastest times will move on.
Elisa is lucky #1 and is now wearing a lovely yellow 2 piece. She has terrible luck, and manages to grab 5 of the sand filled thermoses before finding the squid. She starts to chow down, and the others are disgusted. She has a little trouble, and Joe shout words of encouragement “It’s good for you, it’s protein, just swallow it”. That’s funny, I’ve said the exact same things only in slightly different circumstances. Anyway, she is able to finish it off in 3:51.
Sarah gets into a light blue sparkled 2 piece and dives right in. She finds the squid on her 4th try, and takes a big mouthful. She downs it in 2:28. We are treated to a gratuitous shower scene by the wonderful Fear Factor producers. Thanks guys!
Brittney’s up next wearing a bright orange/red 2 piece, and like Sarah, gets lucky on her 4th thermos. She employs the “pinch the nose” technique, and it seems to work fairly well. She finishes in 2:19.
Kristen closes this out in a hot-pink 2 piece and finds squid on her 5th thermos. She struggles, but chokes it down in 3:21. That sends Elisa on her merry way.
The last 3 walk through the desert and end up on an empty highway. Joe welcomes them, and shows them their final stunt:
Contestants must stand on the back of an oil tanker truck as it swerves down the highway at up tp 40 mph. The woman that stays on the longest will win.
Brittney is up first. She informs us the she will donate half of the prize money to the National Cancer Society if she wins. She gets into the safety gear and climbs up. The truck takes off, and she stands as it gets up to speed. The horn blows and the clock starts, and she looks comfortable. The truck picks up speed, and she hangs on for a time of 31.3 seconds.
Sarah is next, and she’s donating to the Special Olympics if she wins. She gets up on the tank and takes a very wide stance. That proves to be her downfall and her foot slips and she falls in a time of 28.4 seconds.
Kristen closes this out, and her charity is the American Red Cross. The truck starts moving, and she makes it to her feet. She looks a bit wobbly as the speed picks up, and falls in 27.1 seconds.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Brittney is your Miss Fear Factor USA champion!
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