Fear Factor – 04/11/05
Welcome back again. Two weeks off, one week on, one week off – where can I get a job like this? This is a very special episode, my favorite episode. Six Miss USA hopefuls will battle it out for the privilege of wearing the Miss Fear Factor crown. Let’s meet the lovely ladies:
Sarah-Elizabeth Langford – Miss District of Columbia, from Washington, D.C.
Meaghan Jarensky – Miss New York, from Riverdale, NY.
Kristen Johnson – Miss Kentucky, from Slaughters, KY.
Christina Nardozzi – Miss Massachusetts, from Seekonk, MA. **Road trip!**
Brittany Hogan – Miss California, from Escondido, CA.
Laci Scott – Miss Oklahoma, from Oklahoma City, OK. Laci is EIGHTEEN, and still in HIGHSCHOOL! Oh. My. God. It’s official, I am a dirty old man.
The ladies make their way to an empty lot next to a pool. Host Joe Rogan welcomes them, goes over the rules, and shows them the first stunt:
A rectangular structure is suspended above the pool. Contestants must walk along the 6 inch beams and collect as many flags as possible before falling. There are 10 water jets embedded in each beam that will randomly shoot water at them while they chase down the 10 flags. The 4 women that finish the fastest or get the most flags before falling will move on.
Kristen is up first, wearing a beautiful red bikini, and tells a story about hunting bullfrogs with a spear. Seems like a nice girl. Joe gets back to the group and tells them the bullfrog story. That prompts Miss NY to ask “So, are there frogs in here?” Kris gets into position and takes off. She gets the first flag and falls immediately. Oh boy, not a good sign.
Sarah goes next, and we find out that not only is she a former gymnast, she also graduated from law school. However, she did not pass the bar exam. That’s OK though, she makes up for it by wearing a lovely lime green bikini. She gets going, takes her time, and after a few close calls, is able to get all 10 flags in a time of 1:58.4.
Christina is next, and my homegirl is sporting a sexy pink bikini. She gets going, and struggles. She does manage to grab 2 flags in 20 seconds before falling. Not a good way to represent.
Brittany is up next in her hot pink bikini, and we learn of her fear of clowns. She claims it’s because they are always smiling. Hmmm, aren’t pageant girls always smiling? Britt takes off and almost loses it right away. She settles down, and very slowly gets back to business. Britt manages to grab 3 flags in 43.6 seconds before falling.
Meaghan is next, and graces the screen with a light blue/green bikini. She takes a very slow, methodical pace around the structure. Meaghan is able to get all 10 in 2:34.8, after a small scare going for the last one. That sends Kristen home.
Laci finishes this stunt in a blue checkered bikini. We are reminded once again that she is still in HIGHSCHOOL! Mercy. She gets going and moves shakily along the beam, getting very wet while doing so. Laci gets it together and is able to get all 10 in 2:32.4, sending my hommie Christina down the walk of shame.
The 4 remaining ladies make their way to the warehouse, where they find Joe standing next to a giant contraption:
Contestants must make their way through a clear plastic tunnel while a high pressure water hose sprays them down. Along the way they will have to retrieve 3 keys that are attached to ropes on 3 different barrels. When grabbing the keys, the contents of the barrels will be dumped on them. Inside the barrels are fish guts, fish oil, and super worms. Once they have all 3 keys they must open the locks on the hatch, open the hatch, and remove the flag to stop the clock. The woman with the fastest time will get to pick the order of the final stunt, and the one with the slowest time will be sent home.
Meaghan is up first, as she goes to get ready, we get the following conversation-
Laci: What’s fish oil?
Brittany: Oil from fish.
Laci: Fishes have oil?
Ah, so young. Meaghan treats us to a red flowered bikini for this stunt. She gets the countdown and begins, getting the first key and dumping the fish guts on top of her. Meaghan makes it to the second key and the fish oil and moves on to the worms. She gets the final key, unlocks the locks, and finishes in a time of 1:55.
Brittany is next and decides to wear an orange bikini for our viewing pleasure. She takes off to a slightly faster pace, and we get a shot of a dead fish hanging around in her cleavage. She quickly gets all the keys and starts in on the locks. Apparently she thinks it will help if she repeatedly yells at the locks “come on, open”. Britt finishes in a time of 1:41 to take the lead.
Laci goes next in her royal blue bikini, and Joe wonders if she’ll have trouble getting a prom date. I can answer that with an emphatic “HELL NO!” She gets going and has a bit of trouble with the first key. She has even more trouble with the second key, as the oil has made it hard to grab the key. She makes it to the third key, but forgets to take the key with her after dumping the worms on her head. Laci goes back, gets the key, returns and finishes up in 2:32.
Sarah finishes this stunt in a pink bikini and screams when the water is turned on. She makes good time through the first 2 keys and heads for the third. Sarah gets that one, moves on to the locks, and finishes in a time of 1:54. That sends Laci home, and I shed a tear.
The last 3 ladies find themselves walking along the side of a lake. They meet up with Joe, and he congratulates them on making it this far. He then directs their attention to the final stunt:
A cargo net cage is suspended from a helicopter that is flying over the lake. Contestants must climb around the outside of the cage and remove the 5 flags from the sides before climbing underneath to remove the last flag hanging there. The woman that gets the most flags the fastest will win. She will get half the money in cash and the other half will be donated to the charity of her choosing.
Sarah is chosen to go first, and wears a light blue bikini for this final stunt. We learn that if she wins, her charity will be the United Youth Adult Conference. Sarah gets into position and gets underway. She makes her way around the outside side and gets all of those flags without much trouble. She falls when trying to climb down to the underside and finishes with 5 flags in 1:18.
Meaghan is up next, and wearing her yellow 2-piece, tells us that her charity is Habitat for Humanity in New York. She gets going and has a fairly easy time with the outside flags as well, but is slightly off Sarah’s pace. She too falls when trying to climb down and finishes with 5 flags in 1:22. Buh bye.
Brittany finishes this stunt in a dark red bikini and her charity is Invisible Children. Britt takes off, and like the others, is able to get all of the outer flags. She is off the lead pace, so she will have to get all 6. She struggles, but eventually falls with 5 flags in 1:20.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Sarah-Elizabeth is your Miss Fear Factor ’05 champion! **whew**
While I am taking a very cold shower, you can send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org