Fear Factor – 12/06-04
Hey folks, this week we’re in for a treat – a special “Christmas” episode of Fear Factor.
Jon Licata – Realtor from Buffalo, New York. He’s bragging about his resume, I wonder if he knows this isn’t “The Apprentice”.
Sammie Lee Bradley – Race Car Driver from MT. Juliet, Tennessee. Hot chicks and fast cars, what’s better than that?
A.J. Almasi – Model from Nashville, Tennessee. A model you say? I can’t imagine where they’d find one to be on this show.
Jacoby Ben-Yakir – Political Volunteer from Israel. He’s wearing a belt buckle the size of my head. Does the WWE have a new champion?
Chanelle Estrada – Talent Recruiter from West Covina, California. Hmm, “talent Recruiter = Madam.
Matthew Assante – Model from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. You could tell his profession before the graphic went up.
The gang walks through a lot and meets up with host Joe Rogan. After his usual speech, Joe directs their attention to the pool:
Contestants will be locked inside a box that is furnished like a living room, complete with a Christmas tree and presents. On “Go”, the room will be lowered into the water and they will have to find the 8 flags hidden inside the boxes and clip them to their belts. The clock will stop when they exit the room. The 2 men and 2 women that get the most flags the fastest will move on.
Matthew is up first. He gets into position, gets the countdown, and begins. He finds two flags right away, and finds #3 while swimming around. Not much excitement until his leg gets caught, almost causing him to drown. He is saved by the divers, and was able to get 7 flags in 1:12. Hmm, shouldn’t he be eliminated for being saved? Maybe they’re trying to keep the female audience.
Jacoby is next, and thankfully takes off the belt buckle. I was waiting for him to hit Joe in the head with it while the referee’s back was turned and then start posing. ”What’cha gonna do brutha”He gets ready and takes off, and starts to panic as the room fills with water. He ends up choking as he leaves the room with 1 flag in 7.1 seconds.
Jon finishes for the guys. He has an uneventful showing, but is able to get 2 flags. That’s enough to send Jacoby and his title belt down the walk of shame. He’s got a long ride home.
Chanelle is up first for the ladies, and we learn that she has a tattoo of Angelina Jolie morphed with herself on her lower back. Doesn’t that make a lovely target? She claims to be in love with her. Jeez, this keeps getting better. She strips down to her dark green bikini and enters the room. She’s able to clip 1 flag in 8 seconds and then needs to be rescued.
A.J. is next, and decides to do this stunt wearing a light blue bikini. It is very much appreciated hon. She gets going and is able to grab 2 flags before escaping. She figured the she advanced, so why push it.
Sammie finishes for the ladies, and it must be cold outside. She reveals a sexy little red bikini before entering the room. She takes off, and she too stops after getting the second flag. That will send Chanelle on her merry way.
The remaining 4 make their way to a cabin, decorated with lights and snowman in the front lawn. They find Joe, and he lets the dogs out:
Satan’s Little Helpers
Contestants will have 3 chances to retrieve 3 gifts, 1 at a time. They must grab a gift at the opposite end of the room and bring it back and place it into another box on the floor. Each time they go for a gift, a different dog will attack them. For each attempt, there is a maximum time of 35 seconds for their safety, after which the dogs are called off. The man and woman with the best times will move on.
Matt is up first, and doesn’t look too happy. He gets suited up and heads for the first box. The first dog, which looks like a German Sheppard mix, comes right up and bites him on the ass. Matt doesn’t seem too bothered by this and brings the gift back in 7 seconds. Gift #2 brings a dog that looks like a Pit Bull, and it clamps down right on his elbow. Matt is able to fight his way over in another 7 seconds. Gift #3 brings out “Curly”, a 130 lbs Mastiff looking dog. Matt takes off and slips when getting to the box, Curly runs up and grabs on to Matt’s shoulder. Curly drags Matt all over the room, but he’s able to get the last gift in 33 seconds, for a total of 47 seconds.
Jon is next, and Matt checks his ass for broken skin. Sure enough, there is blood. Jon gets going, and has a fairly easy time with the first, getting it in 6 seconds. Jon has a bit of trouble with #2, missing the box and then having to wrestle with the dog. He manages to get it in 10 seconds. Jon goes for #3, and Curly brings him right down to the ground. Jon is able to crawl over and place the gift in 15 seconds for a total of 32. That sends Matt home with a busted ass.
A.J. is first for the ladies, and Joe cracks that he just sent her to her doom. The first dog knocks the gift right out of her hands and then throws her to the ground. Time expires as the dog is twisting the sleeve of her protective suit. Gift #2 brings more of the same, this time knocking her into the Christmas tree. She is able to fight through and put it in the box in 14 seconds. Curly tosses her like a rag doll in no time, and she ends up quitting, giving her the maximum time. She finishes with a time of 1 gift in 1:24.
Curly kicks ass, I want one. Hell, make that two! Santa, if you’re listening…
Sammie finishes this stunt, and is thrown down on her back by the first dog. She fights her way over, and places it in 18 seconds. Dog #2 sends the gift flying from her hands and she struggles to get it back towards the box. Sammie is able to get it in 34 seconds, sending A.J. home and saving herself from a run in with Curly. Damn. She finishes with 2 gifts in 52 seconds.
On to the finals for Sammie & Jon. They leave the cozy cabin and head for the street, and they find Joe standing on the sidewalk. He congratulates them on making it this far and shows them the final stunt:
Contestants will race a car down the street, up over a ramp, flip the car, and slide down the street through the fake snowmen. The person whose car ends up the furthest from the ramp will win.
Sammie loses the coin toss and will go first. This may be her stunt, seeing as how she races for a living. She is giddy, completely confident that she has this wrapped up. It’s about this time a certain friend usually shows up. She gets suited up and strapped in, and then takes off. Sammie goes up and over, flips, slides through the snowmen and comes to a stop in 114 feet, 2 and a half inches.
All eyes are on Jon, but Sammie doesn’t think he’ll get farther than 75 feet. My doorbell rings, I wonder who that could be. Jon gets going and flies through the snowmen. After the 57 replays from 10 different angles, we see him slide past Sammie’s mark. She bursts into tears and needs to be consoled by Joe. 127 feet and 6 inches for Jon!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jon is your Fear Factor “Christmas” champion.
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