Fear Factor 10-25-04
Welcome to a special Halloween episode boys and girls. Oooo spooky! Ok, lets meet this week’s victims:
Lidia Bruckbauer – Promotions from Houston, Texas. She’s done bikini contests and thinks that will help. Does she know what show she’s on?
Keith Coleman – Student from Medford, New Jersey. He says he’s happy being a little guy. Uh…ok buddy.
Michael Davis – Model from New Orleans, Louisiana. What, no “/”?
Tiffany Bryan – Sales Manager from Dallas, Texas. I thought only strippers were named Tiffany nowadays.
Jennavecia Russo – Waitress from Las Vegas, Nevada. She claims to have ADHD…and seems proud of it.
John Jenkinson – Unemployed from Hollywood, California. He definitely looks the part. Jeez, wouldn’t you at least make up some job?
The motley crew makes their way through a warehouse and meets up with host Joe Rogan. After Joe’s usual opening speech, he shows them the first stunt which he claims is easily the most screwed up they’ve ever done:
A Shocking Experience
A 30 gallon barrel is anchored at each end of a platform. Contestants must transfer as many bolts as possible from 1 barrel to the other while 2 million volts of electricity flows around them in 1 minute. That’s 10 times the voltage of an electric chair! They will be wearing special chain mail like suits for protection. The 2 people with the slowest times will be sent home and the person with the fastest time gets to choose the order of the next stunt.
John is up first, and he is a bit odd. He has kind of a bad 70s porno look. No wonder why he doesn’t have a job, I sure as hell wouldn’t hire him. He’s suited up, and gets the countdown. He runs back and forth as the electricity buzzes and crackles around him, and doesn’t seem a bit fazed. He ends up with 9 bolts in 58.6 seconds. He mentions something about almost losing control of his bowels. Uh, thanks for sharing John.
Tiffany is next, and we find out that she’s hoping to win the show and help out her mom who was just diagnosed with cancer. S***, now I can’t make fun of her. Tif gets going, and is having a fairly easy time with this. She has a little trouble grabbing a bolt at the end and finishes with 8 in 54.8 seconds.
Keith is up next, and we learn that his parents sent his older sister with him to keep an eye on him. Well, that’s just what every college guy needs, a babysitter. He takes off and flies through this, finishing with 10 in 56.1 seconds.
Jen is next, and gets off to a bit of a slow start. It’s almost is if she’s taking her time, and she’s a waitress, she should know better. She ends up with 8 in 55.7 seconds.
Lidia is next and is very nervous. She too starts out slow, and misses the barrel with her first 2 bolts. It doesn’t look good for her, and she finishes with only 6 bolts. She is the first to take the walk of shame.
Michael finishes this stunt. He gets going, and almost falls off the platform going for his first bolt. He settles down into a nice rhythm and finishes with 10 in 55.1. That’s the best time, so he’s picking the order for the next stunt. That also sends Jen packing.
The remaining 4 move to a different part of the warehouse where they find Joe holding a crossbow and standing in front of a boiling pot.
Contestants will fire flaming arrows from the crossbow and try to ignite a scarecrow. However many shots it takes to light the scarecrow will be the amount of scorpion and tarantula guts and carcasses they will have to eat.
Keith is chosen first. He misses his first shot, and hits the second. That will be 2 ladles of brew for young Keith. He grabs the bowl and begins downing the sloppy mess. Once the juice is gone, he starts on the spider carcass. It crunches as he shoves it in his mouth. Keith polishes off that and focuses on the scorpion. He finishes that, and even licks the bowl for good measure.
Mike chooses to go next, and hits his first shot. He holds his nose and goes for the spider and scorpion first. He finishes those off without any trouble and downs the tasty juice.
John is chosen next, and we find out that he used to be in the Army and has a lot of experience firing weapons. Oh that’s good, give this psycho a loaded gun. This freak then decides to name the crossbow “Joe”. I don’t think I’d let him fire this. He hits on his first shot, and also goes for the carcasses first. He goofs around as he finishes off his little snack, making it look like no big deal.
Tiffany finishes this stunt. She hits in 1 shot and then lets everyone know that her dad owns a gun range and her boyfriend owns a bow hunting range. Ha, a ringer! She starts with the scorpion first, and John says “that’s going to go straight to your hips”. That was pretty funny…for a weirdo. John starts to make barfing noises, and that slows Tif down a bit, but she presses on. Her eyes roll back into her head as she pops the spider in her mouth, but she finishes it. She gags a bit on the juice, and almost loses it. Tif takes a few seconds to compose herself and downs the rest.
It’s on to the finals for these 4. They stay in the warehouse and find Joe standing in front of a clear tank.
Think Inside the Box
Contestants will be covered in corn syrup and locked inside a box partially filled with flies, red worms, super worms, and crickets. As the box tumbles, they must retrieve 3 keys that unlock the brake and stop the box. The person with the fastest time will win.
Tiffany is up first, and graces us with a lovely white bikini. Joe pours the syrup all over her and I’m ready to stop this contest and declare her the winner right now. RIGHT NOW! It’s probably a good thing I don’t run this show. She gets into position, Joe dumps the bugs and keys in, and she gets underway. Round and round she goes and gets the first lock fairly fast. She drops the second key, but quickly finds it again and opens the second lock. She gets the third key and stops the box in 1:03, covered in critters.
Mike is next, and is able to use his long reach to grab the first key right away. He has trouble finding the other keys though, as now his size seems to be a problem. He struggles his way through the next 2 keys and finishes in 1:04. Oh so close.
Keith is up next, and is able to grab 2 keys right away. He fumbles with the keys though and ends up dropping one. He’s having major difficulty with the keys and the locks. He eventually finishes in 1:14. Buh bye.
All eyes are on John, and not just because he’s nuts. He gets into position and gets underway. He gets the first lock at about 25 seconds, and the second one at around 45. He finds the last key, opens the last lock, and hits the brake in a time of 53 seconds.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Crazy John is your Fear Factor “Halloween Edition” champion! Looks like he can be unemployed for a bit longer now.
Next week: More spiders!
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