Fear Factor 10-18-04
Are you ready for another freak show? Good, me too. But even if you’re not, just pretend, ok? Let’s move on to this week’s victims:
Vanessa O’Brien – Bartender from Boston, Massachusetts. My homie says people don’t know what to think of her because of her body. Whatever that means. Represent yo!
Rob Garofalo – Systems Administrator from Saddle Brook, New Jersey. Ugh, Jersey. I’ve had enough of Jersey to last a lifetime.
Kristin Nash – Student from Orlando, Florida. Apparently, she considers Florida “The South”.
Allan Wu – Actor/Host from Singapore. Wow, that’s an awful long trip just to be on a silly show. Oh look, a “/”.
Sandra Sargent – Sales Associate from Woodland Hills, California. She doesn’t really say anything interesting, but she is damn good to look at.
Eric Morgan – Marketer from Sneads, Florida. He’s a self proclaimed “master of head games”. OK then.
Late in the evening, the gang makes their way to a pool where they meet up with host Joe Rogan. After his usual speech, Joe directs their attention to the first stunt:
(Insert Witty Title Here)
Contestants will be locked by both ankles and 1 wrist to a wheel that is partially submerged in the pool. As the wheel spins, they must use the 3 keys to unlock themselves, pull a release cord, and swim to a buoy. The man and woman with the slowest times will be sent home. The clock starts after they make a full revolution and stops when they hit the buoy.
Vanessa is up first, and graces us with a sexy orange bikini that barely covers her ample bosom. She gets strapped up, and gets underway. Even though she stops to hold her nose every time she goes under, she manages to free herself. Vanessa pulls the rip cord and swims to the buoy in a time of 59.4 seconds.
Sandra is next, and after bouncing around while talking to Joe, reveals a beautiful red bikini. She gets going and does the holding the nose thing too, and is going much slower than Vanessa. Sandra finally frees herself and makes it to the buoy in 1:46.2.
Kristen finishes things for the ladies in a blue-gray 2-piece. She gets going and thankfully doesn’t hold her nose and continues to work on the lock while under water. She has a bit of trouble finding the release cord, but eventually frees herself and hits the buoy in a time of 59.5 seconds. Sadly, that will send Sandra home.
Musclehead Rob starts things off for the guys. The others complain about him flexing all the time and none of them think he can do it. He gets going, and plugs his nose like a girly man when going under. He doesn’t set the bar very high as he finishes in 1:02.8. The women had better times than his, and they laugh at him.
Allan is up next, and tells us that he picked up Mandarin in about 8 months and now does Chinese dramas. Joe has him say “fear is not a factor for you” in Mandarin, and it sounds like a paragraph worth of stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if he really said “Joe is a complete tool and I am much cooler than him”. Al takes off, and very calmly frees himself. It’s like the water wasn’t even there. Al makes it to the buoy in an impressive 42.6 seconds.
Eric finishes this stunt, and tells Rob to start walking. Eric gets going, and very smoothly gets the locks undone. He pulls the rip cord and thrashes his way to the buoy in a time of 49.5 seconds. That will send Rob down the walk of shame.
The remaining 4 make their way to a bar room and find Joe standing behind the bar. Joe flat out tells them “today’s going to suck”, and shows them the next stunt:
Shoot to Swill
Contestants will have 100 shots with a paintball gun and will try to break as many of the 57 bottles on the wall. For every bottle that is left standing, the will have to drink a shot glass full of blended maggots, worms, stink beetles, and rotten fish eyes. The 3 people that can drink their shots the fastest will move on.
Eric is lucky #1, and he and the gang move back to the firing line about 15 feet away. Eric begins shooting from the hip and keeps the trigger squeezed like it’s a drive-by. When it’s all said and done, he has left 20 bottles. Bottom’s up! Back over at the table, he starts pounding shots down, even double fisting. He is like a machine, and he goes through the critter juice in 40.8 seconds. Eric gets the OK, grabs the “Official Fear Factor Chuck Bucket”, and runs around the corner to blow chunks.
Kristen is up next, and looks extremely nervous. She gets going, using the same from the hip/drive-by style and leaves 26 bottles standing. She goes back to the table, grabs the first one, hesitates for a few seconds, and quits after the first one. She too goes right for the bucket, saying “it tasted like death”. Buh bye.
Allan is up next. He starts shooting, and goes a bit slower. It doesn’t seem to do him any good though, as he leaves 21on the wall. He starts drinking, but has trouble with the first one. Since Kristen is gone there is no time limit, and he settles down and puts them away. He too grabs the bucket and unloads.
Vanessa finishes the stunt. She fires madly and leaves 25 bottles in tact. She starts slamming them down, but has trouble at #5. She gags, gives the “cut” sign, and goes for the bucket. My homegirl is no more.
Eric and Al head out to a lake and find Joe standing on shore.
Beams are suspended beneath a helicopter and a surfboard is attached to the beams. Contestants must stand on the board and stay on for as long as possible as it sways over the lake. They are given a cord which they may hold on to with one hand. The clock will stop if they tough the board with either hand once they are standing. The person that stays on the longest will win.
Allan wins a coin toss and chooses to go second. Eric gets into position, and starts with a very low crouch. He hangs in fairly well as the beam sways, but looses his balance as the chopper banks for a turn. Eric hit the water in 40 2 seconds.
It’s all up to Allan, and he seems confident. Eric doesn’t think his time is good enough and is worried. Al takes off, and is standing a lot straighter. He looks very shaky as he prepares for the turn. He looses it and hits the water in 38.3 seconds. Oh so close. He went halfway around the world and drank all that nasty crap for nothing. Ha! Sucks to be him right now.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Eric is your Fear Factor champion!
Next week: A special Halloween episode…with electricity!
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