Fear Factor 09-27-04
Hey folks, it’s good to be back. I am no longer being held against my will deep in the forests of New Jersey. How about a big round of applause for the lovely and talented Stargazer for doing such a great job while I was away. Thanks hon. I’m sure I will now be forced into some type of slavery situation.
Ok, on to the show! This week brings us a “best friends” edition, and I wonder if they’ll stay that way after the show. You just know someone will screw up royally and cost their team the 50 grand, and it’ll end in a fistfight…or better yet, a catfight. Here they are:
Sonja Flaherty & Pamela Kirchgassner. Sonja is a writer from Phoenix, Arizona, and Pam is a bartender from Las Vegas, Nevada. They have been friends for 3 years. Pam lets us know that she gave birth without drugs so she’ll be able to take it. Uh…thanks for sharing.
Damion Martin & Aaron Teel. Damion is a student from Bronx, New York, and Aaron is an engineer from Greenville, North Carolina. They have been friends for 5 years.
Christina Martin & Amy Haight, both from New Orleans, Louisiana. Christina is a jeweler and Amy is a student. In addition to wearing matching outfits and walking step for step, they also have matching knockers. Maybe it was a 2 for 1 sale. They have been friends for 10 years.
Justin Shafran & Zack Santini, both from New York, NY. Justin is a clothing designer and Zack is a dancer. They have been friends for 17 years.
The group assembles in a warehouse where they find host Joe Rogan standing in front of a pool. Joe goes over the rules and shows them the first stunt:
Think Outside The Box
One member of the team will be locked inside the box as it’s submerged in the pool. The person inside must swim down, unlatch 2 of 4 handles (one at a time), and pass them to the other person on the outside. The outside member will take the handles and screw them into a wheel assembly that’s used to open the door. Once the inside person is free, they must both swim to the Fear Factor sticker at the side of the pool. The slowest team will be sent home, and the fastest will get to pick the order for the next stunt.
Justin & Zack are up first, and Justin takes the inside. They get going and get the first one without trouble. They both come up for a breath, head back down for the next handle, and are able to make the exchange. The door is opened and they finish in a time of 1:30.7. For some reason, Zack has the urge to yell “what…what…what”.
Amy & Chris, the Barbie sisters, are up next. They are nice enough to grace our screens with pink and red bikinis, respectively. Amy starts inside and quickly hands the first handle to Chris. The first one is in place and they head back for the second. Chris drops the second handle, and they must go for another one. With that mistake, and a short delay before opening the door, they finish in 4:12.4. I would like to thank the producers of FF for making sure that water was cold.
Damion & Aaron are next, and we’ll see if they can break that stereotype. Yeah, you know the one. They get going and Damion has a bit of trouble holding his breath. He needs to come up twice before handing off the first handle. Aaron has trouble screwing the handle in, and he too needs to come up for air twice. They continue to have trouble and end up finishing in 7:28.2. Well, so much for that.
Sonja & Pam finish this stunt, with Pam wearing a blue and white flowered bikini and Sonja sporting a baby blue 2-piece. Pam doesn’t think she’ll have a problem because she used to swim competitively. Jeez, I must’ve missed this one in swim class. Sonja gets the first handle and passes it off without coming up for air. After letting out a Psycho-like scream, she heads down for another. They are way ahead as the handoff is made, but Pam has trouble with the threads and is turning it the wrong way. Everyone repeat after me: RIGHTY - TIGHTY, LEFTY – LOOSY! Pam needs to come up for air, and goes back down only to turn it the wrong way again. Their big lead is gone, as Pam is dumbfounded. She FINALLY figures it out, but they pass Damion & Aaron’s time. There’s a blond joke in there somewhere. Bye ladies.
The remaining 4 move on to a different part of the warehouse where they find Joe standing in front of 2 vats and 2 brand new sports cars. He informs them that nobody will be sent home, but the winning team will get a Mazda “Speed” MX-5 Miata, and a Mazda 3 “Sport” sedan. And all they have to do is:
Slip Me Some Tongue
Contestants will have to transfer 5 tongues from each vat containing fish oil and animal lard to their partner who will then put the tongues into a bucket one at a time. The team that gets all 10 tongues the fastest will win the cars. The only catch - they can only use their mouths.
Zack & Justin choose to go first, with Justin taking the fish oil. They get going, and Joe asks if that’s the first time they’ve kissed. Damion’s eyes are about to pop out of his head as he looks on. They move through this without much trouble and finish in 3:15.3.
Damion & Aaron are chosen to go next, and they don’t look happy. Damion starts out with the lard first, and get out to a good start. Aaron has some trouble with the fish oil, but stays with it. It comes down to the wire as they finish in 3:04.7 to take the lead.
Chris & Amy finish this stunt. Amy starts with the lard, and they start strong. They are way ahead as they switch to the fish oil. Chris holds on to her top as it gets saturated with oil, and I think of how hot this would be if they substituted baby oil for the lard and fish oil. **Whew** Ok, they blaze through the oil half to finish in 2:36, and are now the proud owners of brand new Mazdas.
The gang makes their way down a long road and meets up with Joe. He congratulates them on making it that far, and shows them the final stunt:
How’s My Driving?
One team member will be driving the “ramp car” and the other will follow in another car. The person in the ramp car will try to get as close as possible to a flatbed truck as it weaves down the road, allowing the other person to drive up the ramp and onto the truck. They will be wearing headsets so they can talk to each other. The team that can run over the flag and stop on the flatbed the fastest will win. If the car falls off the truck or the ramp they will be eliminated.
Zack & Justin are up first, with Zack in the ramp car. They get underway, and Zack does a good job in pulling right behind the truck. He yells for Justin to make his move, and he does. Justin goes up and over the ramp, and onto the truck. The car veers off to the right and Justin comes crashing down and the car flips onto the roof. He is ok, but they are going home empty handed.
Damion & Aaron are next, and Joe reminds them of the tradition of big muscle guys losing. Aaron is in the ramp car and maneuvers it behind the truck. He tells Damion to go for it, but D hesitates for a few seconds. Those few seconds prove costly, as the truck swerves to the left and Damion drives up and off to the right. He too ends up on the roof and is ok. Tradition!
All eyes are on Amy & Chris, and not only because they are wearing low-cut belly shirts. That’s just my reason. Joe asks Amy if she’s a good driver and she answers “yes”. He than asks about an accident she recently caused that led to a 12 car pile up. She says she fell asleep at the wheel. Oops. “Well lucky for you there’s only one other car here” Joe cracks. They get going, with Amy in the ramp car. They take some time to set up, and Chris makes her move. She too goes up and off to the right, crashing down and landing on the roof. She’s ok, and that prompts Joe to say something I’ve never heard, “ladies and gentlemen, apparently fear was a factor for everybody”!
Yes, boys and girls, I believe this is a Fear Factor first. We have NO champion this week. Although Amy & Christina did win a couple of cars, so they “kinda sorta” won.
Next Week: An all new, all female show! Woohoo! It’s good to be back.
I am not the producer, casting director, or Joe Rogan…but you can still send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org