Fear Factor 04-26-04
Hey kids, welcome back to another special edition of Fear Factor. This week we are treated to an “All female, all Model” show. Does it get any better that that? Hopefully it will be better that last week’s snooze fest (no pun intended). And now, let’s meet the lovely ladies:
Danushka Lysek – Fashion Model from Sarnia, Ontario. She claims to be doing the show to “mess with all the bitches, because I hate models”. Oh boy, looks like we’re in for a long night.
Teresa Lin – Swimsuit Model from Taipei, Taiwan. Ok, now we’re talkin’.
Tanya Byers – Fashion Model from Hiram, Georgia. People think she’s “flighty, a bit of an airhead”. Now why would anyone say this about a model? The nerve of some people.
Louise Yorath – Fashion Model from Leeds, England. She left her home town at age 16 to further her career, and she thinks that has prepared her for this show. Umm…yeah…
Angela Young – Swimsuit/Fitness Model from Rohnert Park, California. Ha, you’ve got to love the “/”. I know I do.
Tynisa Fuentes – Fashion Model from Brooklyn, New York. Uh…I got nothin’
The ladies use their official “pageant walk” and meet up with host Joe Rogan in a warehouse. Standing in front of a pool, Joe welcomes them, goes over the rules, and shows them the first stunt:
Contestants will be wearing a weighted vest, wrapped in locks and chains, and lowered into the water. Once they are submerged, they must free themselves from the vest and make it to the surface. The 2 women with the slowest times will be sent home, and the one with the fastest time will get to pick the order of the next stunt.
Angela is up first wearing a beautiful flowered bikini. Danushka gets a bit catty while Angie gets into position. I hope this turns into a brawl. Angie gets the countdown and drops into the water. She’s under for about 7 seconds before signaling for the rescue divers to save her. She claims to have swallowed water. Someone should’ve told her that wasn’t part of this stunt. She gets out of the pool in tears, and says “I feel like I failed”. Joe replies with a snarky “you did fail”.
Louise is next and is sporting a lovely red bikini. She starts out well, and gets the first 2 locks without any signs of panic. She runs into trouble with the third one, and gives up at around 30 seconds. Ok, 0 for 2. She hopes everyone else fails so she’ll get another chance. How’s that for positive thinking?
Teresa is up next and graces us with a floral bikini. She tells Joe that when she came to this country as a child she couldn’t speak English, so her parents made her read the dictionary. Doesn’t that suck, no Spiderman comics? Anyway, she gets going and seems very calm. She has absolutely no problem going through the locks and gets out of the vest and breaks the surface in 47.4 seconds. I hope the other ladies were paying attention.
Tynisa is next and shows off a yellow bikini. It’s obvious she wasn’t paying attention as she’s under for about 7 seconds before giving up. I sense a pattern developing here.
Tanya is next and she too is sporting a red bikini. She spends more time talking to Joe than she does under water as we get what seems like an instant replay. She quits too, surprise, surprise.
Danushka finishes this stunt in a sexy black bikini. Too bad that bikini doesn’t help, as she quits in record time, about 5 seconds. So much for “messing with the bitches”.
Teresa wins 25 grand for being the only one to complete this stunt, and all the other girls will be brought back for a chance at the remaining 25 Gs. They all make their way to a small lake in the woods and meet up with Joe. He congratulates Teresa and lets them in on the next stunt:
Piece of Tail
Contestants must go through a mini obstacle course and find 3 keys. In the first stage they must jump in the water, climb over 6 buoys, and grab a key from the last buoy. In stage 2, they must make their way to a moss covered boat and find the second key. In stage 3 they must make it over to a tree that’s hanging over the lake, and climb the tree to get the last key that’s hanging at the end. They must then get back on land and use one of the keys to open the gate of a tunnel. Inside the 20 foot tunnel is an 8 foot long, 400 lb alligator. They must grab the gator by the tail and pull it out of the tunnel (not completely out, but to a pre-determined spot which is the base of the tail). The 3 women with the slowest times will be sent home, and the one with the best time gets to choose the order for the next stunt.
Tanya is chosen to go first and doesn’t seem very happy. She does look good in her black and green bikini though. She screams and curses a bit before getting underway. She jumps in and hits the buoys quickly, getting the key in good time. She makes her way over to the boat, and suddenly gives up without even looking for the next key. She seems very adept at quitting. Apparently the water is too cold. Whatever.
Danushka is chosen to go next, and puts up a bit of a fuss, saying she needs to see someone do it first. Uh honey, that’s not how it works here. She complains some more, curses, but decides to do it anyway. She hits the buoys, gets the key, and is actually doing well. She gets to the boat and gets that key without much trouble and heads for the tree. She then makes a feeble attempt at climbing the tree and promptly gives up. “I can’t climb trees, I’m not a monkey I’m a model” she states. Let me point out that this tree is almost horizontal, you could probably “climb” it while standing up…drunk…with a broken leg. Hey Danushka, how’d that “mess with the bitches” thing work out for you?
Angie, in her red and pink floral bikini, is up next. She hits the water like she means business and quickly gets the first 2 keys. She slows a bit at the tree, but is able to make it up and grab the last key. She swims back to land, heads over to the gate, and begins going through the keys. She opens it with the first key and heads inside. She hesitates, stating that she’s nervous, but continues after some encouragement from Joe. Angie grabs the gator and pulls it out in a time of 5 minutes even. Thank you Angie.
Louise goes next and gets out to a great start. She is way ahead by the time she gets to the tree. That proves to be no match as well, as she collects the last key and heads for the gate. She grabs the gator at 4 minutes, and pulls it out at a time of 4:39.1
Tynisa is next and starts out strong, but slows as she gets to the tree. She is able to get all the keys and heads for the gate. She opens the gate, grabs hold of the tail, and begins to pull. T finishes in 7:42.5. Have to give her props for staying with it.
Teresa finishes this stunt, and now the pressure is on her. I am completely distracted by her tiny multicolored bikini, and only snap out of it when she falls off the tree. She climbs back up and grabs the key with plenty of time left as she makes her way to the gate. She takes her time with the gator and finishes in 6:24.2. That will send Tynisa home.
The 3 remaining ladies make their way to a shipyard and meet up with Joe on the pier. He congratulates them on making it that far and shows them the final stunt:
Return of the Chopper
8 ropes are hanging below a helicopter, and there is 1 flag on each rope. Contestants must make it from rope to rope and remove as many flags as possible before falling. The woman with the most flags in the fastest time will win.
Teresa is chosen to go first, and starts off a bit slow. She cautiously takes her time on the first rope and flag, and struggles to reach another rope. She loses her grip and falls into the water with 1 flag in 49.7
Angela is next, and she too goes very slowly. She is able to get the first one, and makes it over to another rope. She grabs her second flag, but falls into the water while trying to get to another rope. She got 2 flags in 1:20
Louise finishes this stunt. She gets going to a steady, methodical pace, and gets the first 2 with ease. She moves to her third rope and climbs down to remove her third flag, which is enough to win this stunt.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Louise is your Fear Factor “Model” champion.
Next Week: A special “Second Chance” show consisting of previous losers trying to redeem themselves.
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