Fear Factor 03-16-04
Hey kids, welcome back for another week of foolishness as folks do dumb things for a chance to win some money. Ok, let’s meet them:
Stacy Ahlin – Hair Stylist from Boise, Idaho. She says her looks intimidate people and she’s going to use that here. Umm, she knows this isn’t a beauty pageant right?
Greg Nigro – Franchising VP from Venice, California. This big muscle guy wants to win by kicking people’s asses. Well, there’s a surprise.
Susan Henson – Congressional Administrator from Weymouth, Massachusetts. Looks like it’s time for another road trip!
Kit Cope – Kickboxer from Las Vegas, Nevada. I really don’t want to make fun of him (because he can kick my ass) but he has really big ears. Like…fly away big.
Kasey Clark – Respiratory Therapist from Joplin, Missouri. She claims to be a really big fan of the show. I am a really big fan of her really big…um…yeah.
Derek Crisafulli – Hair Stylist from Las Vegas, Nevada. He says he’s scrappy, and I say Scrappy ruined Scooby Doo.
The gang walks down a sunny California street and meets up with host Joe Rogan. He goes through the usual welcome/rules speech and directs their attention to the first stunt:
Contestants will be inside a box suspended over 100 feet in the air. They will have 2 minutes to brace themselves and then the floor will drop out and the box will begin to spin. And just for good measure, they’re going to turn on the rain machine. They must keep themselves wedged inside the box as long as possible, and the 2 men and 2 women that can stay in the longest will move on.
“Greg, you and your tight pants are lucky #1”, says Joe as the others chuckle. They are ridiculously tight pants. They look like women’s pants, but I would never say that to his face because he could probably snap me in half with 1 arm. Greg and his pants get into position, it’s a sitting/squatting type thing with his back against 1 side and his feet against the opposite side in the corners. He gets going and drifts off into a Zen-like state as the box spins and spins and spins for what seems like forever. He finally slips out at 17:55.1. Geez, I think seasons changed during that.
Kit is up next, and Joe thinks he should be ok seeing as how he uses his legs a lot. He gets going using the same strategy Mr. Tight Pants did. He doesn’t seem to like the cold water much and doesn’t stay in nearly as long as he slides out at 8:53.1.
Derek finishes up for the men, and has a bit of difficulty getting set as he’s a little shorter than the other guys. He manages though and grimaces at the cold water. Have to give the little guy credit though, he hangs in there and eventually passes Kit’s time. Kit is sent packing with that “I just got beat by a f***ing hair dresser” grin on his face.
Stacy is up first for the ladies, and has all kinds of trouble just trying to get set. She’s barely able to set herself in the allotted 2 minutes, but finally gets into the “Greg” position. That had to burn a lot of energy. She hangs on for a bit, but slowly slips out at 1:23.1.
Susan is up next, and is nervous because she’s the shortest one there. She has no trouble at all getting set, once again in the “Greg” position, and deals with the spinning and water without a flinch. She easily passes Stacy’s time and moves on to the next round.
Kasey finishes this stunt and thinks that her horse riding background will help. I don’t see how, she’s not going to be sitting on the box. She goes for a different approach and puts her feet straight out across to the opposite side. That works well for her, and she too passes Stacy’s time with ease. So much for that strategy Stace, clear Plexiglas boxes aren’t easily intimidated. Buh-bye.
The 4 remaining people arrive in formal wear at an “upscale” dining room set complete with a cheesy piano soundtrack. “Fear Factor, party of four” Joe says as they sit down at a table. He pulls the serving cart closer to reveal:
Contestant must eat 12 live snails as fast as possible. The 1 man and 1 woman that finish with the fastest times will move on. Yummy!
Joe: Kasey, you are lucky #1. Do you like French food?
Joe: Well that’s good, ‘cause these come from Pasadena.
She gets her plate full, and begins to chow down using a strange technique. She taps them on their tiny heads so they retreat back into their shell before popping them into her mouth. I guess she doesn’t want them to know what’s coming. What a sweet girl. Kasey does fine until about halfway through and then starts to gag a bit. The crunching of the shells is really bothering Susan. She’s able to keep it together, and finishes in 2:32.6.
Susan is up next and is not very confident, but she’s going to give it a shot anyway. She gets her snails and the countdown and pops the first 1 in her mouth. Sue’s having a tough time but is able to fight through 2 of the slimy critters before giving up on the 3rd one and spitting it back onto her plate. That’s ok hon, I have a consolation prize for you. You’ll just have to swing by and grab it.
Derek is up and is handed his plate of snails. He digs in and makes great time. He has no trouble at all with the tiny crustaceans and polishes off his last one in 1:08.2. Pretty impressive.
Greg gets ready and is even so bold he kisses one of the snails. Maybe it’s the tight pants. He gets the countdown and tears into them like a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Just imagine cocktail weenies at a Superbowl party. He downs his last bit in an amazing 44.1 seconds. We say good bye to Derek.
Greg and Kasey make their way down an airport runway and meet up with Joe who is standing off to the side. Joe welcomes them to the finals and shows them their last stunt:
(insert witty title here)
Contestants will be in a car that’s in the trailer of a semi truck. As the truck speeds down the runway, it will pass the starting line. After passing the starting line, a green light will come on inside the trailer. Once the light comes on, they will have to find the 1 key out of 3 that will start the car. When the car is started, they must drive through the back of the trailer. The person that stops closest to the start line will win.
Greg is up first after losing the coin toss. In a moment for the ladies, he strips put of his shirt and pants to put on his racing suit. He gets strapped in and the truck begins to move. The green light comes on, and Greg lucks out by choosing the right key with his first guess. He starts the car, puts it in gear, and drives right through the back with a wild display of sparks and smoke. After the 57 different camera angles of the explosion, the car hits the ground hard and rolls backwards and off to the side. In all of the excitement, he apparently forgot to hit the brake. The car is trashed, with the front end mangled and the rear axle hanging off to the right.
Kasey steps up and vows to use the “step on the brake” strategy. She gets ready and is strapped in. The truck takes off, passes the start line, and the light in the trailer comes on. Kasey lucks out as well and grabs the right key on her first try. We basically get an instant replay of the multiple explosion angles, but Kasey’s car comes to a dead stop as soon as it hits the ground. There is no need to even measure here, as her car is clearly much closer to the start line.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Kasey is your Fear Factor champion!
Next week: Free falling and a giant muscle chick.
In coming weeks: Miss USA (woohoo), 2nd Chance, No Sleep, and another Family edition
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