Fear Factor 10-20-03
We’re back with a new show, and another bunch of test subjects. Let’s meet ‘em:
Jeff Cash – Bartender from Raleigh, North Carolina. He already sees the money as his, that’s usually not a good sign.
Tracy Sheldon – Waitress/Student from Washington, D.C. She doesn’t have much to say here.
Sal Ulloa – Surgical Tech from Hesperia, California. He’s a little guy and is often underestimated. I bet that continues tonight.
Raylene Zatarain – Real Estate Agent from Cypress, Texas. She’s ready to get down and dirty, that’s fine by me.
Melissa Gable – Personal Trainer from Asheville, North Carolina. Gee, another one that hates failing. Where do they find them all?
John Lucas – Air Force Weapons Officer from Brooklyn, NY. John Lucas talks about himself in 3RD person, JR hates that.
They meet up with host Joe Rogan by the edge of a lake. Joe goes over the rules, and shows them their first stunt. It looks like the producers got a really good deal on the helicopter.
Fear Factor Water Skiing
Contestants must hold on to a line while being pulled around the lake by the chopper at seeds up to 40 mph. The 2 men and 2 women that hold on the longest will move on.
Melissa is up first, and does a few 1-armed push ups for Joe. She slips into a wonderful orange 2-piece, and heads out. Tracy talks about wanting to be a butt model…um…ok, she does have a nice butt though. Melissa takes off and is doing quite well as she bounces along the surface. She ends up losing her bikini bottoms, but manages to hang on for a few more seconds to finish in 31 seconds.
Tracy is up next and moves her Rick James-like hair show off her ugly tattoos. She has a big silly tree on one shoulder and part of the arm, and some sort of scribble on her other arm. She’s not worried about losing her shorts, seeing as she wants to be an ass model, it’s a good way to get exposure. She takes off, and much like Melissa, is thrown around and de-briefed. Tracy clocks in at 28 seconds.
Raylene is last for the girls, and says she really wants to beat Jeff. I bet that’s not all she wants to do to Jeff, and she claims that “he’s hot”. She removes her shirt to reveal a beautiful yellow 2-piece and…her ribcage! My god is this girl skinny, someone get her a sandwich. Anyhoo, she gets underway and goes through the same routine as the other ladies, and blurry dot edit guy has more work to do. Raylene lets go at 23 seconds and must take the walk of shame. Let’s hope that she walks to the food court.
Jeff is up first for the guys and shows off his tattoo. He has “Cash” written on his arm…in case he forgets his name. Sal is making a feeble attempt to talk smack, but really, he should be quiet and hope no one notices him. He might be able to sneak through that way. Jeff takes off, does a bit more thrashing, and hangs on for 52 seconds.
John is up next, and is way too excited. His strategy is to hold on for as long as he can. Ah, yeah, that’s good. He has basically the same ride as Jeff, finishing a second slower at 51.
Sal finishes this stunt. He’s psyched, and wants to beat everyone. Joe comments to the group that Sal’s built like a 12 year old vegetarian, and I don’t think he has a chance. He takes off, and it’s pretty much over before it starts, as he only hangs on for 3 and a half seconds. Buh-bye Sal.
The remaining 4 make their way through a field and meet up with Joe standing by some cows. He welcomes them, and shows them their next stunt:
The Eyes Have It
Contestants must bite into cow eyeballs and drain the juice into a glass. Once the glass is half full, they must then drink the juice. The 3 people that complete this the fastest will move on.
Melissa is up first again, and she steps up to the table. She crunches through a bunch of them, and the black goo fills the glass. Mel grabs the glass and downs the ooze to finish in 1:41.
Tracy is up next, and dives right in. She quickly moves through the eyes, and they are popping loudly. Tracy finishes her drink with a time of 1:07.
John is next, and-surprise- is fired up again. He doesn’t have much trouble with this, although in voiceover he says he was disgusted, and finishes in 1:20. He then repeatedly shouts “I’m going to the show”. Uh John, you’re already on the show. Settle down.
Jeff closes this stunt, and after a few false starts, gets underway. After squirting Joe, he polishes off his juice in 1:27. That will send Melissa packing, and she blames her loss on going first.
The last 3 head out to the highway where they meet up with Joe. He congratulates them for making it this far and shows them the final stunt:
Dump Truck Surfing
2 giant dump trucks (each weighing 282,000 lbs., and having 8’ wheels) drive down the highway side by side. There is a platform on each bed, and contestants must transfer flags from one to the other without falling off. The trucks will start 4 feet apart and move to 6 feet halfway down the road. The person that moves the most flags the fastest will win.
First up is Tracy, and neither guy gives her a chance. She starts off at a slow, steady pace, and starts to hesitate when the trucks move farther apart. She takes up way too much time and runs out of road with 9 flags in 2:06.
John is up next, and isn’t worried about Tracy’s time. He’s had some knee trouble in the past, and is a little concerned about that. He moves pretty fast to flag #11, and then starts to slow down. He struggles to make the last few jumps, and falls on his last try. John ends up with 14 flags in 1:49. Even though he’s out of breath, he still manages to ramble on and on. Geez, give it a rest.
All eyes are on Jeff, and he’s confidant he can get all 15 flags. He takes off, and starts to hesitate at #5. John yells some trash talk as the spit flies from his mouth. Jeff misses the jump and falls after getting his 8TH flag. John goes insane, spitting and hollering incoherently as Joe looks on nervously.
Boys and girls, John is your Fear Factor champion. Good, now I don’t have to listen to him anymore.
Next week: A special Halloween edition sure to be filled with nastiness!
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