Dog Eat Dog July 29, 2003 Recap: Flying Fish, OH NO!
Brooke welcomes us back to another new episode of Dog Eat Dog while wearing a dark green (note, not black) bikini and gets knocked into the pool when a huge fish is tossed at her. Continuing with this theme, Brooke is wearing a camisole that has black lace over beige, with black pants, of course. This is the widest display of color we’ve seen in Brooke’s wardrobe all season. Why on earth Brooke agreed to be slapped with a fish, I don’t understand, but she’s a good sport. I’m trying to get this recap out faster than some of my more recent efforts, so we’re mixing contestant introductions with the challenges.
Doria Rone – Web designer with hugely collegened lips which she coyly grasps when changing from her blue tanks top to her green and yellow funky design bikini. Ok, maybe she was just readjusting them as they got bunched up when she pulled her shirt over her huge and deformed lips. It looks like she’s been trying to blow up a car by blowing on the tailpipe. Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger’s love child Doria is picked for the Hurricane Coconut Pick challenge where she and her lips can barely scale the first fake tree in half of the allotted time. William is a pill who heckles incessantly while Doria is the first to join the Dog Pound.
Desire Walker – bartender who is a Goth girl (if Goths are allowed to wear dark purple, I haven’t seen the Goth rule book lately) with pierced lips and spiky jet black hair. She gets pegged to try the Trivia Question – Leap for the Ring challenge that our favorite Goth, Sik –End successfully completed last month. Everyone voted for “Marilyn Manson” and Desire called the lot of them “meatheads” and vowed to send someone else to the pound. It looked promising at first when she answered the very first question right, but that was the only question she got right (apparently never heard of Monticello, Steve Jobs, Bob Geldolf, or The Color Purple), and wasn’t even in the same time zone as the ring in any of the her five attempts. The most stunning answer was when she was trying to get the Live Aid question and said that the only Irish musician she’d ever heard of was “O’Reardon” from the Cranberries. Yeah, Irish musicians are pretty obscure, like, um Bono, or David Grey, UB40, or a dozen other popular singers, but no one cared because the rest of the gang was done with Desire even though she had a cute little body in her black bikini. Get the hardware out of your face, sweetie, it looks painful.
Isaiah Michaels – air traffic controller in a baby blue tank top with a shaved head and plenty of body art courtesy of some sweaty guy named Al who treated him to a not very authentic looking Superman tattoo on his right bicep. I’m not a fan of tattoos but I would look past Brett Favre’s Superman tat on his bicep if he wants to kick it with me, but ack, Isaiah’s is huge and hideous. Desiree called Isaiah “Mr. Clean” but I’m guessing that his drawers were not so very clean after his challenge because he looked ready to hurl. Who would have thought that someone working in the high pressure job of an air traffic controller would be afraid of heights and falling. His competitor’s seize upon this weakness and think that Isaiah is a natural for the Leaping from Cargo Net Before it Falls challenge. He climbs one cargo net and pretty much missed the bottom of another one, so the big guy doesn’t fall far, and the NBC staff guy with flashlights directing falling contestants barely has time to clear the way before Isaiah hits the deck.. Another one joins the Pound.
Jonathan Nelson – engineer, a very large and muscular man who resembles the condemned prisoner with magical healing powers in The Green Mile. There aren’t any mice on the set, so we don’t know for sure that it’s not the same guy, but I doubt it. Robbi and William vote for Jonathan to Bungee Spring Out of the Tank Towards Rings and did I mention that this guy is BIG?!?!?! He’s so big, they don’t have the bungee cords tight enough to life him out of the water high enough to even get near the rings on the first attempt. Brooke explains that he needs to wait (under water) for the platform to completely lower itself so that the bungee will be at it’s maximum springiness. Ok, maybe she didn’t use that term, but Jonathan is in the bad position of needing to get 3 rings in his final attempt, and short of growing a third arm, I don’t think he has a chance. For the fourth straight challenge, the contestant isn’t even close and heads to the Dog Pound. How disappointing, none of the contestants were successful in the challenges. That, and we haven’t seen any freaky people used as props yet. I’m holding out hope because the show isn’t over yet though.
So, for our brand new Head to Head – Fish Toss challenge we have Robbi Spencer a marketing student who is ex-Air Force and former beauty queen wearing a grey spaghetti strapped top, and the very mouthy William Kuhn a bartender who looks like a young Donny Osmond. William is wearing a long sleeved red shirt, so we can’t tell if he has a tattoo or not, but judging by the rest of the contestants this week, he must as it seems to be a prerequisite for this episode.
Stealing a page from the Bachelorettes in Alaska challenge book, our finalists are going to have to catch slimey fish. Robbi changes into a red bikini and William dons a Big Bird yellow pair of trunks. Professional fish mongers from Seattle (at last, we see the freaks of the week) fire away as many salmon as these two can possibly catch in 2 minutes. They are slimy and disgusting, and that’s just the contestants. My daughter thought this was pretty silly stuff. William’s chest was all red from fish pelting his abs. It’s not a good look. I don’t care how hot both of these people are, I don’t think they’ll ever get that fish smell off of them and think that only the smelling-impaired will want to date them for quite some time. Robbie caught 9 fish, but William caught 10 and then talked trash with Brooke to kill time. Brooke didn’t seem to mind and let William ramble on, as I think the show was running short. I’m guessing it was because Isaiah’s challenge took less time than expected because he fell off the nets long before the Net Zero clock expired.
Trivia for Bucks William the Top Dog is facing off against his panel:
Movies – Isaiah What was the first Spielberg film to gross $1 million? ET – correct. Isaiah had it nailed. One point for the Pound.
Television – Doria What Oscar-nominated Latina actress was formerly on In Living Color? Doria can hardly speak through her fluffy lips and says “Paula Abdul” (and the Oscar would be for . . . American Idol judging on TV?), but no, the answer is Rosie Perez.
William seizes the opportunity to talk trash. Brooke lets him ramble for a while, get the “wrap it up” sign from the producer and then interrupts William saying “you were recapping a little there.” Oh yes, we wouldn’t want any recapping on the show, as that makes my job incredibly redundant.
Politics – Desire What current US Senator at age 100 is the oldest in US history? Of course she has no clue it is Strom Thurmond. William trash talks about not wanting to give Desiree a call. Ouch. It’s just mean the way that Donny Osmond was picking on that clueless little Goth girl.
Games – Jonathan In 2002, the president of the National Institute on Media and the Family publicly criticized what video game in which contestants can solicit a prostitute? Long dramatic pause, and Jonathan comes up with the right answer: Grand Theft Auto. Jonathan managed to reclaim some of his 15 minutes of fame despite the fact that his challenge lasted only 2 minutes. Nicely done, Jonathan.
Sport – Robbi What 19 year old American Olympic speed-skater won a gold medal for short track when a South Korean skater was disqualified for blocking him. Can Robbi remember that it was Apollo Ohno? She remembers his funky facial hair. She remembers it was short odd name. She comes up with Como. OH NO! Was she thinking of Perry Como? Ewh, now I am. Sorry about that image folks.
Big Mouth Willy wins the $25,000. Don’t you get any ideas about taking over recapping the show, though, Will, as that job is taken. Hey, wait a minute, this is a lot of work. If you’re reading this William and you want to write recaps, send me an email at email@example.com m
There wasn’t any mention of a new episode airing next week, when usually they promote them right after the show ends, so I’m not sure if we’ll be back here at the same bat time, same bat station next week or not, but until next time, let’s see if we can encourage Brooke to explore more colors for her wardrobe and avoid climbing nets that fall to the ground every 30 seconds.