Wait, Vegas is where Serena started out from. If you thought they over sang each note, wait til Celine’s crew gets a hold of them. Ugh not pretty at all.
The show opens with Shannon, Serena and Ally expressing their shock over Alex’s demise. That’s right girls – if you have an off night, the audience will cut your heart out.
Alex says, “This is not the end”. Well yes, it might be kiddo. Even the finalists of these shows fade into obscurity pretty quick. (Please no 10,000 whiny Clay e-mails, and yes I know Kelly had a number one, buts how’s O-Town and Sugar Jones doing these days?)
Justin adds, “I’m gonna make it” Ditto. I hope they do, but the odds aren’t good.
They comment on the fact the spoiler was spoiled. Duh – I’ll say again, did anyone watch the tapes? They probably had a dumpster at NBC reserved just for them as they came in.
Well well well. It’s apparent that they scraped up enough bucks for hair and wardrobe this week. Joey’s dressed like a salesman from a men’s clothing store. But OMG – Deb has morphed into Joan Collins from Dynasty, complete with huge eighties hair, pushup bra and those earrings you could light your dining room with. She’s screeching something about Diana Ross. Wait, there’s more. They have dressed the girls like Vegas glitter lounge singers, all in matching sequined minis. (Note to wardrobe, if you were trying for the Supremes, they wore LONG dresses)Poor Serena must be having some kind of posttraumatic stress issues from this. As some sort of compensation, they have rid her of the Rasta-puka look and given her a cute new ‘do’. They stole Beyonce’s Austin Power hair for Moy to use for the night. In keeping with the “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” theme, the guys are dressed like Regis.
To start the show, we get a straight from Vegas, Motown medley, group performance. It’s one of the best group performances. Side to side, Serena and Harlemm have the best voices. Of course, Tyce does the dance just that much better. The other two gents kept up admirably, and with that year at Debbie Dance, would blow Mr. Tasty Oreo away. Shannon and Ally are the best of the dance for the girls, but Ally is more suited for a solo performance.
We get our first round of scared faces and cheezy Muzac, before Serena takes the stage.
She sings Whitney’s “I’m your baby tonight”. Oh my, more sequins for Serena. Yes, we get it, she’s from Vegas. Enough already. Her performance was decent, but not outta the ballpark as JoJo would say. Love the hair.
Her pre recorded view of Fame includes the statement “you can’t expect a paycheck from this” She also said she feels good with just the performing – In other words been there done that, lets get to the next gig.
Allyson is sent home next with the “happy to have gotten this far, best time of my life speech”. If anyone on the great white way had any brains, they would have placed a phone call at that moment to sign her up. She was born for Broadway.
For some reason we are treated to an extra eternity of that freakin game show theme Muzac.
Then they tell us Harlemm is up next. It’s not Harlemm; its Buddha does Madonna, complete with the lotus position. Wait again, it’s not even Madonna, it’s a small sample of Vogue mixed with a ten second scat and a Justin like rap.” I’m Short, Bald, 35 and Beautiful. (Cue all short bald, Danny Devito look alikes everywhere to high five each other) You got to hand it to him. Most guys just buy a sports car when faced with a midlife crisis, and think they’ve done nothing with their life. He actually does some Kung Fu like kicks to match the KF jacket he ripped off some muk yang jong.( About three people will get that joke- That’s what they call those wooden fighting dummies). Very strange, but as with Harlemm – always a compelling performance. In his view of Fame, he says was meant to be an entertainer. Yes Buddy, I believe you were.
Not only do we get the game show treatment next, but for some reason they feel the need to re intro the entire group. Um- we know who they are –just get on with the show. (Insert frustrated scream)Moy’s name is called, she looks down and she’s gone. Cue card – I’m glad I got as far as I did. Beyonce’s hair could not help you with last week Sugar.
Shannon’s next through to the final, and tries Dolly P‘s “I will always love You” via Whitney. She’s a better singer than Britney, but not as good as Whitney, having taken out several of the strongest notes in that arrangement. She also ends on a bad note. Oh well, better pitchy than bitchy. This is a talent show supposedly. Bad time to not nail it down.
Deb starts in on how sweet she is again. No, don’t try and convince her to be a beotch Deb. Shannon’s view on Fame was that the celeb part would pretty much suck, but she’d like the performing.( No e-mails, I know she didn’t phrase it like that that ok? That would be how Eny would say it, not sweet Li’l Shannon)
Well down to the last two, Tyce and Brandon. The chance that Tyce will go on, and Brandon won’t, is about as remote as JoJo replacing Larry King on CNN. We’ll play along.
Deb says O Lordy or Oh Mercy, there’s only Salt and Pepper left. Does she have a cliché guidebook or something? They re-intro them again, just to make sure that we HAVE THE NAMES CLEAR. There were a few claps for Tyce and general mayhem and screams for Brandon. How embarrassing for Tyce to get that as his lead in for the boot. Debbie asks the stupidest question ever. “Do you think coming in late hurt your chances?” Tyce diplomatically says he “doesn’t know”, when he must be thinking Are you on crack or what? I’m scared, but I’m smiling and waving my way off this stage, before Joan Collins starts a catfight.
Brandon tells us he was a dancer, who had only sung in church before this. He sings Donny Hathaway’s “Song for You”. He does his best singing performance yet, and what a time to pull it off. He does not dance. His view of Fame is that, if it’s meant for me, it’s meant for me, If not – oh well.
I think this is like that peaking thing they aim for in the Olympics. Brandon just scored himself a gold.
For the last look, we get a version of the famous Hot Lunch scene from the movie Fame. Yay! You can’t go wrong with another Fame song. Serena starts out by missing a few of the group steps, but then goes into a JanetJ type dance. The other three are clicking and look good, especially Shannon. I have to make one last protest over Shannon’s wardrobe. ¼ of a biker T, and a red bra is all she’s been issued. She’s good dammit, why do they insist on dressing her as if she’s going to turn tricks in the back alley. (Insert another stream of Eny obscenities)
Well the judges or “panelists” as they have been renamed, finally get their say.
It’s Ladies first and Carnie gets to speak. Harlemm is her ‘baby’ (must be the bald head). She can’t wait to buy Serena’s CD’s. Shannon never lets her down, and wow to the dancing. Brandon won her heart and has grown tremendously. “I love you all”.
Johnny says he echoes ALL Carnie has to say. (Aww Harlemm, you’re Johnny’s baby too?)He actually says he looks forward to come to the show, and see what Harlemm’s up to next. Serena is solid as a rock. Shannon is not afraid to take a risk, and despite a shaky performance tonight, deserves to win. He said Brandon’s performance was his best.
JoJo says it’s a four-way love. I suspect he’s not talking about the 2am movies on cable. He loves Shannon to death, but says her stock dropped with the song, but recovered with the dance. He’s forgotten previously committing his undying love to Jamieson. (Who?)He says that Brandon may have just won, with his performance tonight.
Debbie puts them on the spot and asks who they think will win. JoJo says Brandon, Carnie- baby Harlemm, and Johnny - Shannon. Oh Britney – you are SO OVER with Johnny. Tune in next week when the winner takes all…
Was Joey actually here for the whole show? I can’t remember.
Well the universe has extracted its revenge on Tyce for thinking that a year of room service at the W hotel and Dancing with Debbie is more important than say Middle East riots, floods in Bangladesh, and tornados just about taking one of our mods. This week was better as entertainment, but too little too late, and way too much WWTBAM atmosphere. It’s not a frickin game show or there would be a gong involved. Roses and Rantings to email@example.com