Well what are we going to see this week? More judges less Muzac?
Will Johnny crack a smile or Debbie fall out of her dress?
That’s what it’s come to, since last weeks show was such a bust. They also read the same ratings I did that showed #41 . Since that’s only among network shows, it’s pretty far down on the viewing scale and definitely NOT must see TV. Can they pull it out of the hat, or will these kids be relegated to a question on trivial pursuit.
Brandon Harlemm and Moy relate how hard it is to stand and wait for your name to be called, to find out whether you perform, or take that long walk off the stage. I’m glad it’s not me, it’s pretty cruel, but then TV viewers love to see folks suffer .Kind of Fear Factor lite.
Jamieson says thanks for the great experience, and Raymond will go back to being the quiet kid in the corner of the classroom, that you never quite know what he’s thinking.
Look out for the quiet ones I tell you.
Thank goodness, Debbie has had the good sense to wear a bra this week. , but both her and Joey are dressed for a funeral .Maybe they did read the ratings. They intro the remaining contestants, with final one being Tyce the spoiler. If looks and body language could kill, that boy would be on the floor in front of the stage. Wisely, they immediately send him off stage, and I swear he skips off. No wonder Mr. Ringer is happy; he doesn’t have to sweat out the wait for the boot till next week.
The judges are intro’d and do we get them back? Nope they get a one shot judgment AT THE END OF THE SHOW. That’s the way to kill the ratings further – take JoJo even further away from me …Oh yeah and the other two. You know what that means- even more cheesy game show Muzac. Like did you guys set out to sabotage this show? Is one of the production crew on FOX’S payroll or something?
After our first round of Who Wants to be a Millionaire essence, Brandon is the first to perform. Someone has braided his hair in bull’s-eyes. A brave thing to walk around a competition with a bull’s-eye on your head. He sings Ushers –“You don’t have to call Me”
Oh, it’s a case of can’t sing and dance at the same time. His dancing is smooth, but the voice is flat. I’m hoping that the sound problems aren’t creeping back in. (Fire that sound guy). He gives a rendition of his favorite scream at the end of his performance. Oh well Brandon, cartoon voiceovers are lucrative anyway.
Debbie then informs us only 2 wks left til the finale. Hmmm was the funding cut or what? Some heavy duty dumping will be going on in the next week.
Shannon is next up. When they announce she’s going to try Ms Aretha’s Respect, I cringe. She’s not horrible though, and her timing and delivery are right on. Someone has dressed her in a tablecloth from a Chinese restaurant however. What is it with this girl and wardrobe, and why do those people like Moy so much? Debbie wants to know how a kid as sweet as this is gonna survive in the shark infested music biz. Shannon tells us she has thick skin. I hope Johnny doesn’t Britney her.
I’ve noticed they also have the light effects from WWTBAM. You can get the freakin Muzac right- why can’t you fix the live performances?
Anyhow, Moy is chosen next. She goes retro with Patty Labelle’s “New Attitude”, and the short pants I wore to my senior dance. I think they called them knickers then, but that always made the Brits laugh. Moy is not on her game, or her sound is messed up. Either way it doesn’t come out good, and the last little rap break is – well - strange. What happened to just singing the song through? At least everyone seems to be moving tonight.
Before the group number, they all dish on how much they don’t like the spoiler. Just by body language, they all are uncomfortable with him. He is called a dancers dancer – uh no kidding – he’s a seasoned pro. Debbie adds, the group dynamic changed with him in the mix. I’d be watching my latte’s Kevin. Brandon may have woven a Bull’s-eye into his hair, but Mr. Spoiler has one on his back. It was a bad idea folks.
The group does Donna Summers Love to Love You. Have the people that picked the songs sat through 1,000 performances of Mamma Mia and thought the 70’s had good music? (I shouldn’t have said that – could ABBA be far behind?)The song they perform stinks, but at least they are dressed cool. Tyce pretty much is dancing by his lonesome. He also seems to be mouthing the words while the others sing. So much for spoiling the group.
More Muzac then Harlemm. He does Bill Withers “Lean on Me”. He is again over singing every note, but that’s the coaching. He has a strong voice, and is not dancing but seems to be doing some kind of Yoga. That’s part of his charm I guess. He breaks into gospel revival mode to end the song, prompting an Amen from Deb. His age has regressed to being a 35 yr old now, not 37 as previously reported. He tells us he’s an inspiration to all us old folks over 30, to still “have a dream”. Thanks Harlemm – that’s depressing as hell. I can’t figure out whether I like him or hate him after that little inspirational speech.
They focus on poor Justin who looks scared, and then they announce he’s going home. He looks stunned, but professes to be happy he made it this far. Debbie asks him if he thought doing raaaap hurt him. (She says it, as she did at the beginning of the run of the show, like someone else would say ‘dog crap’) he replies he was true to himself and leaves.
They then have another annoying round of lights/Muzac before announcing Serena. She’s going to do Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me”, and I seriously want to hunt down the producers. Are they only allowed to do tunes the band knows or something, no matter how unsuitable to the performer? Arghhh. I know this can’t be good. True to form, each note grates on me. I love Bonnie Raitt. Go back to the Broadway stuff; at least it will give the kids a chance.
We get a look at Serena’s fiancé applauding, then Serena calls on the Lord and thanks America. Cover all your bases, I always say. The performances seem to be really short tonight, with Serena’s particularly resembling a sound bite. No judges AND no performances. They really must think we really love Muzac.
Newsflash – I haven’t watched Who Wants to Be a Millionaire since REEG left. I don’t care for the soundtrack to be repeated ad nauseum.
Of course this is the cue to play the old soundtrack again. They announce Allyson Arena, and she thinks she’s gone. She’s staying and can’t believe it. This means Alex is gone. The Tiger beat phone cOaLiTiOn must have BrOkEn down with BOTH Alex and Justin GoInG.
Ally Does Faith Hill’s “The Way You Love Me”. It sounds horrid, but I give her the benefit of the doubt, as I’m no Faith Hill fan. She only paces the stage, and doesn’t dance. A big mistake as she’s such a strong dancer. Debbie says she’s been checking out Tyce. Ally says she TOOK ONE OF HIS CLASSES and hopes to be like him.
I’d be in the audience chanting RING –ER at this stage. Like Kevin really needs Debbie’s academy if he teaches. He comes from Brooklyn where people are apparently “real”. When he was 10, he sent in tapes to the Fame TV show. He claims the universe had something to do with him sending in the tape all these years later and being selected. You know I hate people who think god cares if they win a reality show, but to think the universe cares if you get on Fame is the ultimate in delusional self-centered thinking.
Back to the stage and “Tyce” is performing Marvin Gayes “What’s going On”. Someone must have watched his audition tape with no sound, as it’s painfully obvious he can’t sing. The wardrobe folks are playing their little tricks too, and have dressed him like a homeless person. He closes with a ‘What’s up Carnie?’ crotch thrust. Sorry Mr. Oreo, Carnie isn’t voting. I have to admit the dancing is flawless, but the voices were better in the beginning auditions. (Oh yeah – Tyce missed those didn’t he).
He closes with – “Just to be here, we all won”. He’s cute, but I can’t see very many voting for him over the regulars.
Finally, we get the judges!
Johnny- He expected with Tyce’s background for him to be 3x better than the others. Vocally he doesn’t have it. Allyson belongs on Broadway, Moy and Brandon need more practice. Harlemm, Serena and Shannon are his favorites.
Carnie does not address Tyce or his crotch. She said Moy let her down vocally, and agreed with Johnny’s view on Allyson. She gushes on Harlemm saying he’s consistent and magically not afraid.
JoJo gets the last word. Shannon, Serena and Harlemm are his favorites too, and he said Harlemm could win. He said Brandon let him down, and Allyson’s performance was the worst so far. He saved the best for Tyce. He claimed he was in the top five dancers he’s seen, but the bottom five vocalists so far. I wonder if he’s counting the transvestite in the auditions with that one. Ouch, I think Tyce’s stay will be short.
When they are recapping the performances, the Spoiler looks like he’s a bit spoiled, and appears to be turning green. I guess that’s why we are getting rid of three next week. Mr. Spoiler and two regulars. He shook up the performers, but not the audience.
Tune in next time to see who leaves with Tyce.
Eny is totally blown away how a show with this much potential, could have gone so wrong. I’m beginning to think the ones kicked out were lucky. Catcalls and Carnations to firstname.lastname@example.org I’m seriously hoping that they start showing Fame on TVLAND, so I can get some of this bad stuff out of my head