Welcome back to Wayne’s World of auditioning to be the next entertainer to hit the neon lights of Vegas. Do you believe in magic? I do, because with Lance Burton joining our cast this episode, I suddenly find myself beginning to care about these people. Tonight’s episode has confused us faithful viewers, however. It is the third episode to air, but actually seems to be Episode 2. Or is it a recap? If it is a recap, what does that make my recap? A recap of the recap? I’m confused already, so let’s shuffle the deck, deal the cards, and play them where they fall.
Pick A Job…Any Job
We join our crazy kids up in the suite with the winning team, Sarah, Jennifer, Delisco, David and Joe enjoying themselves at their party. Some of the entertainment includes a fire juggler, female contortionist, and a woman who seems to have a special relationship with a boa. Not the type of boa that seemed so powerful on the first episode, but a boa constrictor. At least I think it’s a boa, because I had a roommate years ago, who had a pet boa, and from what I remember, it looked just like that. However, I could be wrong, because I was usually looking down at him from the vantage point of standing on top of the kitchen counter. Delisco sings along with a blues band, and I’m impressed. The losers, Jacquie, Theresa, Paul and Nathan suffer through their peanut butter sandwiches, as the sad music begins to play. I happen to love peanut butter, so I wouldn’t describe their meal as quite the loser luncheon they seem to think it is. Or maybe I’ve seen far too many Fear Factor shows, because I was thinking they could have done a lot worse. They could be staring at a plate of bulls’ testicles.
The Aussie girls enter the room, and the men come alive, particularly Joe who seems to run through his entire routine trying to impress the ladies. We’ve seen this footage several times by now, so any possible entertainment value it may have held, is certainly long gone. This is not Joe’s fault…it is simply another display of the poor editing that seems to plague this show. Fortunately the evening comes to an end, and the sun rises on yet another gold-encrusted day at the Hilton. Hey, I just thought of something…does this mean that Paris is actually Wayne’s boss?
Apparently Wayne is not concerned with his contestants’ waistlines because our kids are treated to a huge buffet breakfast, and trust me on this, it looks good. They all sit together eating, and chatting, and it’s becoming apparent that Paul is a little on the obnoxious side. It seems he likes to be the center of attention, which is probably a good thing if you want to be an entertainer. But when you’re sitting with friends, eating breakfast, he’s simply annoying. Also, his hair is really beginning to irk me, as it’s always in his eyes, which causes him to do that head flip thing. You know, the head toss that beautiful women with long hair perfected years ago. Paul’s got it down pat, too.
They are notified that Wayne wants them on the main stage at 11:00am. As they march on stage, we see Wayne, Scott and Francis in the audience. Wayne tells them they are to pick a partner, and since there are nine of them, one group will consist of three. They pair up as follows:
Nathan and Theresa - Theresa tells us she picked Nathan because she respects him, thinks he’s a very good person, and she loves the way he works. As I’m watching her, I remember Marla saying she’d be perfect as Snow White at Disneyland. But I think her hair in the little buns she’s sporting, and the white gloves she’s wearing, makes her look more like Minnie Mouse. All she needs is a red and white polka-dot dress, and she’s in business. At least she can be comforted by knowing she’s got a back-up plan.
Joe and Paul - Joe tells us they picked each other right off the bat because they’re both physical, visual comics. In my opinion this could spell trouble, but I’ll reserve judgment.
Dave and Sarah - We are not informed of the deep connection they felt toward each other, so we’re left to our own imaginations.
Jennifer, Delisco and Jacquie - Jacquie got the honors this week to feel the pangs of being the last one chosen. But Delisco was kind enough to ask her if she’d like to join Jennifer and him, and the relief on her face is obvious.
Wayne begins lecturing that, as performers, they are simply a small cog in the Vegas roulette wheel. He’s always felt it’s the support group who makes life for an entertainer possible. He goes on to give specific examples of this driving force, such as the taxi drivers, cocktail waitresses and dealers. I’m assuming he means card dealers, not the drug dealers, although I‘m sure they add something to the Vegas wheel, too. He tells them the envelopes in front of them contain a job description. They are going to work together to learn and perform their assigned jobs. The jobs are as follows:
Jennifer, Delisco and Jacquie will be gondoliers at the Venetian, and Jennifer seems thrilled.
Dave and Sarah will be assistants to Lance Burton at the Monte Carlo.
Joe and Paul will be jousters at the Excalibur Tournament of Kings.
Nathan and Theresa will be bell hops. It would appear that being a bell hop is a lot less technical, and therefore easier to perform, than learning to be a jouster, but it also seems much more mundane than the other jobs, so I guess it evens out.
Wayne tells them these are real jobs, and they are to take this seriously. He adds that someone may be going home at the end of the day. Again, there’s that feeble attempt to create drama where there is none.
Let The Games Begin
We first join Joe and Paul at the Excalibur. They enter the arena in full character, strutting and saying “thine” and “thou,” but it appears the stunt coordinator, Ivan, seems less than thrilled. He makes it clear from the onset that he’s not about to put up with such nonsense, and Joe is quick to catch on. Paul, however, continues, to yammer on about how he used to do stunts, and that he knows a lot about this already. Ivan is not impressed. I like Ivan…he’s a man of few words, but his facial expressions are talking loudly. As he hands Joe and Paul real swords, he informs them they could break a finger, and if they hit someone hard enough, they could kill somebody. Is it really a good idea to give Paul a metal sword, since he has seemed somewhat unstable during the show? I recall seeing some scratches on Joe’s nose during his confessionals, and I wonder if Paul whacked him with the sword, and we just didn’t get to see it. Scotty is sitting on the sidelines taking notes, and Wayne will be glad to know he’s taking his job very seriously.
As they continue with the sword fighting, Ivan seems to be getting weary. I laugh when he says, “they were not ready to sword fight. Some people are talented for dancing or singing or mathematics, and those guys will be great at something else, but not today.” He makes the wise decision they will be in the show, but not sword fighting. They will be squires, which means when the knight is knocked off his horse and ‘killed,’ they will be the one to carry him out of the arena. Paul is getting impatient at the pace Ivan is teaching them, and he informs us he has done high falls before, including falling off buildings. I assume he means he’s fallen off buildings while performing stunts, but if not, that might explain why he is kind of ‘quirky.’ I struggle to find the similarity between falling off a building and carrying dead weight, but I’m sure it makes sense in Paul’s mind. Ivan describes him as the wild child, as Paul practices carrying Joe, and then proceeds to drop him. It looks to me like Joe landed hard on his arm, and I fear for a minute that he may have broken it.
They finally put their costumes on, and as they get ready to go out into the arena, Joe warns Paul not to get too cocky about carrying the fallen knights. Joe worries he didn’t step in the precise place he should have, but Ivan tells him not to worry, the audience couldn’t see him. Joe is taking this very seriously. Paul, not so much, and I prepare to see Paul screw up in some manner tonight. The first knight is killed, thrown from his horse, and Joe quickly runs to him. As we watch Joe lifting the ‘dead’ knight, then throwing him over his shoulder, he tells us the guy weighs 190 pounds, and it was a struggle to carry him out of the arena. The next knight is killed, and now it’s Paul’s turn. He picks up the knight, and as he throws him over his shoulder, he drops him hard. His next attempt to carry him results in the knight being dropped for the second time, but this time Paul stumbles over the knight. It turns into a kind of Jerry Lewis act, as Paul is turning this small performance into the Paul Show. Paul is quite proud of his performance telling us he wanted to show another facet of his talents. I’ve seen enough of Paul’s talents. Joe is annoyed by this display, and tells us he wishes he hadn’t been so quick to pick Paul as his partner. To add to Joe’s frustration, he is introduced as “Jeff” at the end of the show, but he does seem to take it in stride. As a side note, because of the camera angles, we see that both knights have holes in the crotch of their tights, and several times we have this ‘eye’ staring at us, as they are being carried off. This is just idle observation on my part, as I’m guessing it’s not visible to people in the grandstands. I am curious though, if the knights are responsible for their own wardrobe malfunction repairs.
In the meantime, Jacquie, Delisco and Jennifer arrive at the Venetian where four gondoliers are waiting for them. They begin their training by donning wetsuits, because as Gondolier Danilo proudly tells them, it is important for a gondolier to get into the water and know how to get back into the gondola safely. If you can’t do this, you cannot be a gondolier, but if you can, you earn the right to wear the stripes and sash. Jennifer is up first, and jumps into the water successfully, but getting back into the gondola proves a bit of a struggle. She laughs as she describes herself as a beached whale. I hear you, sistah…nothing is sexier than struggling to get into a gondola with your butt waving to the camera. As Jacquie jumps into the water, and gracefully pops back into the gondola, we get a shot of Francis nodding her head in approval. I’m sure as Jacquie is belting out a song on stage years from now, she will be proud to know she can also jump into a gondola successfully. The women were able to complete this mission, but Delisco did it with aplomb. He dramatically encourages the people standing around watching, to cheer him on, and Jacquie gives Delisco a perfect score of 10. There’s more to being a gondolier than climbing in and out of a gondola though, so they proceed to learn some Italian songs. The three of them take turns practicing, and once again we get to hear their beautiful voices. However, when Danilo begins singing Santa Lucia, I’m reminded of the Andy Griffith episode where all the good folks of Mayberry are stunned, as Gomer, with his goofy ways and thick drawl, begins to belt out the song, Santa Lucia, in his beautiful baritone.
We see Jennifer in full gondolier wardrobe, instructing a couple to come to her gondola, but then she says, “Prego, Prego”, and I’m trying to figure out why she’s rattling on about spaghetti sauce. Actually, Prego means “You are welcome.” I just thought I’d pass that jewel along…I not only try to entertain, but I also try to be informative. Jennifer continues to sing, and she’s doing a wonderful job. Afterward in her confessional, she informs us she was faking the words to the songs, but she totally had me fooled. She had a great time and Danilo loved her, saying she was very good and very funny…he describes her as, “bellisimo!”
Delisco takes his turn in the gondola, and Danilo says Delisco was fun and had an eagerness to learn everything they taught him. Danilo seems to be a very happy guy, and I want to ride on his gondola next time I’m in Vegas. Last time I was there, Mr. Rose talked me into riding the roller coaster with him at New York, New York, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive, so the gondola looks like it’s more my style.
When it’s Jacquie’s turn at the gondola, she doesn’t seem to fare as well as the others, although we don‘t get to see much of it. But Jacquie worries that she is being sent home, so perhaps I should be grateful I was spared from having to witness most of her performance.
At the Monte Carlo, we see Dave and Sarah meeting Lance Burton, Tom and Jeannie. Sarah will be doing Jeannie’s part, and Dave will be filling in for Tom, who assists Michael, a comedy juggler. Dave has a great attitude as he explains to us that he’s going to do his best. He’ll be using his comedic skills and timing to work with Michael, adding that “God protects the stupid, and he is going to help me flow with this.” God indeed does protect the stupid, because I think he’s helping me flow through this recap.
Sarah shares with us that she’s done so much performing and modeling in the past, the part she has in Lance’s act doesn’t even require her to think twice about it. She believes it’s going to be a home run for her. Oh, poor, Sarah. Does she not know the rules of reality tv? You never sound too confident, because the minute you do, everything can and will go wrong, and I wonder if we’ll be seeing her bomb in one way or another.
Dave is in his room rehearsing the act he’ll be performing with Michael. He tells us he has a lot to remember, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for something going wrong. Cut to Sarah who is relaxing in the girls’ dressing room, telling the other showgirls about herself. Gabrielle, the wardrobe manager, thinks Sarah needs to improve her awareness of what is happening around her…all the while Francis is taking notes. At this point, I’m convinced Sarah is going to have problems on stage. Sarah says she’s not nervous, but Dave is feeling the pressure and knows he needs to get his act straight. His time has come, and as Michael does some corny shtick with knives, Dave has his part down pat, and looks as though he has always been with the act. He is quite polished, and I’m sure Dave will continue on in The Entertainer process for a while, if not until the end.
Lance tells us if he were a singer, and was asked to do physical comedy, or to assist a magician, he would be terrified. But Sarah informs us she’s not nervous, just excited to be able to put on a beautiful dress. Poor, poor delusional Sarah. Can she not see the writing on the wall, that is so clear to us? The curtain parts, and the show begins. Sarah tells us when she has a huge audience before her, and feels the pressure to entertain, it forces her to be exactly right-on in her performance. She feels there isn’t any room for error in entertainment, and with Jeannie being there to guide her, she feels quite confident. As Lance brings a woman from the audience on stage to saw in half, he pulls the footrest off the box, and hands it to Sarah. Instead of simply holding it there, Sarah walks off stage with it, until Jeannie tells her to immediately turn around. Titters from the audience can be heard, and of course, Francis is witnessing all of this. I expect Lance to magically stop time and fix this mistake, but I guess he’s concentrating too hard on trying to continue his act as though this never happened, to think of that. Overall, Sarah’s performance seems pretty bad.
Nathan and Theresa, who make an adorable couple by the way, are enjoying getting their identification badges made, and assembling their bellhop uniforms. I don’t think I’d be very happy doing something as mundane as a bellhop, especially when the others seem to have much more creative jobs, but they are really enjoying themselves and each other. Lance truly has brought some magic to this show, because I really am beginning to like these people. Nathan is a real cutie, and I make a note to learn more about him. Theresa tells us she has always dreamed of helping people, so she is quite happy with the job as bellhop. They greet customers, schlep bags, and both of them seem to really enjoy themselves. Even when they discuss the fact that they haven’t made any money, they are both smiling. As they bring luggage to one family, Nathan kneels down and performs some magic for a young girl by placing two furry bunnies in her hands that mysteriously turn into six. She is delighted.
As Scotty watches, Nathan and Theresa deliver their last bags to the “guest from hell”. While they deliver his luggage, he’s talking on the phone barking orders to someone. Not only does he want his shirts ironed, he also wants his clothes put away. To top it off, he wants the entire bathtub filled with ice and a case of wine. As Nathan is filling a box with ice and running back and forth from the bathtub to the ice machine, Theresa is putting the man’s clothes in the drawers, and the guest is continuing to talk on the phone. I have a hard time believing this is for real, it just seems too outrageous to me, but maybe people do expect such things from bellhops? Theresa tells us she’s good at folding clothes, because she’s had several jobs folding clothes. Really? I need to get out more, as I never knew there was a need for such a thing. My daughter could fold her own clothes at a young age, so this just seems plain lazy to me on the guest’s part. As Nathan helps Theresa in the fine art of folding, they decide to hurry through this mind-numbing task. Suddenly the guest interrupts his phone call, and chastises them to get back to folding his clothes. I think Nathan shows great restraint in not picking the gentleman up and throwing him in the tub of ice. Perhaps it’s because Scotty is watching, but nevertheless, Nathan moves on to ironing the man’s shirts. I think these two got the most boring job of all, but their spirits remain high, and I’m impressed with their attitude.
Here Come Da Judge
Francis, Scotty and Wayne are in the audience as the contestants walk on stage. I think it’s interesting that Wayne doesn’t make a formal entrance after everyone else has arrived, as Trump does…just another idle observation on my part. As everyone lines up, Wayne says it’s not only the entertainers who work hard in Las Vegas, but even the working people on every level. I think that can be said about any city, but whatever. He continues to say there are no free rides, and if you can’t succeed at this level, you are not cut out to be The Entertainer. He tells them the people who were training them, were also grading them. Wayne seems to think this will come as a surprise to them, but it seems like an obvious assumption to me. Everyone is asked to step forward into their spotlight. First up are the bellhops, Theresa and Nathan, who have brought props with them, in the form of luggage. Theresa sings, “Mr. Newton, welcome to the Hilton,” and everyone seems to get a kick out of it. Wayne informs them the Hilton was impressed with their performance, and they came in first place. They are, of course, overjoyed, and the two of them hug, as they are asked to step back into the safety of darkness.
Wayne tells Jennifer she was a great gondolier, and Jennifer replies that she had an absolute ball doing it. He says Delisco was a quick study and did a great job, but that Jacquie was a little tenuous. However, her teammate’s performances keep her safe, and the three of them are allowed to step back.
Our jousters, Paul and Joe are brought forward and Wayne turns to Scotty to share some of his thoughts. He tells Paul that it’s very important when getting instructions, to stay focused. Paul believes he did a good job and had fun doing it. Wayne leaves them in suspense, as he moves on to Dave and Sarah. He tells Dave he could have another career performing with Michael, and I suspect if Dave doesn’t become The Entertainer, it’s a sure bet Michael will be getting a phone call. Wayne tells Dave that everyone loved his professionalism and dedication, and Francis adds that she was very proud of him, because he was really on the mark. They point out that Sarah had some problems, and Wayne tells her she has to pay attention to instructions, and her error was unacceptable. Francis advises Sarah, when you are on stage with someone like Lance Burton, you never take your eye off the star. As Joe and Paul are told they came in second place, they are relieved to be able to take that important step backward into safety, which leaves Dave and Sarah. Dave grasps Sarah’s hand, and Wayne says he’s going to have to let go of it, as he is allowed to step back. Sarah is left to stand alone, as she learns her fate. She is told, she was blessed to be born very beautiful, but that it was felt in some ways she’s relying on her outer beauty, and not working on her inner beauty. He then instructs her to convince him she should not be cut by asking her to entertain him. She responds by grabbing a microphone and singing the Celine Dion hit, Because You Loved Me, changing some of the words to fit her situation. I think she did a pretty good job, considering she had to think quickly, especially when I remember how Marla was reduced to doing a soft shoe and begging. The music gets dramatic, and Wayne haltingly tells her he believes she has talent, and deserves another shot, adding no one will be cut tonight. In her confessional, Sarah tells us she was able to prove herself to Wayne.
Wayne then invites them to his home, and it’s apparent this third episode to air, is actually Episode 2. I wonder if the person who is responsible for the order in which they were aired, has been told, “the party is over,” and their spotlight has been snuffed. As shown in the previews, we discover that Joe is making a play for Sarah as he sends her a large bouquet of long-stemmed roses, unaware that she has a beau back in Nashville. Nathan apparently is playing some mind games with Theresa and Sarah, and Scotty tells Sarah he believes she could be big in Nashville, but not necessarily in Vegas. I don’t know about you, but I hope this show gets a little more dramatic, but I won’t bet on it. To place your bets, contact me at email@example.com.