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| Dancing With The Stars 7 "This isn't just a popularity contest, it's a popularity contest with sequins" -- .ABC, Mondays @ 8pm and Tuesdays @ 9pm. |
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03-28-2007, 09:07 PM
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 #1 |
 Endlessly  Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,711
| DWTS-4 3/27 Recap: “Barbie,” “Ken,” and Other Bits of Artificial Plastic Filler After two weeks of hip-shaking, twinkle toe-ing, and occasional swamp-shambling, tonight is the night we’ve all been waiting for—the first elimination on Dancing with the Stars. It’s your lucky day, too, because you won’t have to suffer through commercials, Samantha bumbling her lines like a verbal Clouseau, or even risking a sneak peak at Donny Osmond. Life truly is good. There is a performance recap of the previous two shows before we get to the results, but I’m not going there playing this recap of a recap game that is being forced upon us by ABC. So, if you missed a thing, you can go here and here to read all about it. Trust me, MsFroggy’s wit far surpasses Tom and Samantha’s feeble attempt at entertainment.  What better way to start the show than with an encore of the judges’ favorite performance from last night. According to Len, Laila and Maksim “took the biscuit,” which is obviously a good thing, and they reprise their sexy, energetic mambo. Speaking of a great way to start the show, Maks is wearing a sleeveless, black shirt with a huge opening down the front. This show knows how to compete with Fox’s dirty trick of running American Idol over seven minutes. Ha! ABC brought out the big guns and won! Show Me the Points This season the contestants performed two week’s worth of dancing, instead of sending a person home after only one performance. I think this is a terrific idea, as we get to see if a less-than-stellar performance was due to nerves or true suckage. Normally, a top score is worth 30 points, but this week 60 points will represent a perfect score. Let’s get on to the scores for our couples:
These scores represent 50% of the total score, and the other 50% will be the inclusion of the viewers’ voting results. We know America always gets it right, so surely there will be no surprise eliminations or anything weird like that going on. In no particular order, the dancers are called out if they will be dancing the following week. Heather and Jonathan are the first couple called out. Ooh, well, as shocking as that is, I think I can put away my defibrillator. However, bottom-feeders Clyde and Elena are then pronounced safe. What!? Clear! Prayer Time Did you know that Dionne Warwick is a five-time Grammy-winning singer? If you didn’t, don’t worry, because it won’t be the last time you’ll be reminded of it. Dionne performs “I Say a Little Prayer,” and you can bet the remaining contestants are doing just that. Pro dancers Jonathan, Cheryl, Anna (Trebunskaya), and some dude with good posture and quick feet, whom I’ve never seen before, liven up this song, which is a new breakthrough of culinary metaphors--saccharin cheese. I have to admit Dionne looks and sounds the same as she did 50 years ago when this song was first performed. She’s aged well—just like fine cheese should. Back to our regularly scheduled “who will stay” program, Ian and Cheryl are proclaimed safe. No real surprise here. They hug enthusiastically at the news. Laila and Maks are also given the good news that they are safe. No surprise here, either, as they went in tonight leading the competition. In contrast to Ian and Cheryl’s hug, they are all business, giving each other a high-five and hopefully heading out to dance around large slabs of meat while Foreigner plays in the background.  Tangoed Web of Jive Not to get too carried away with the results on a Results Night show, it’s time for a little dance demonstration of the jive, which half of the remaining contestants (if we ever find out who they are) will perform next week. This is a reminder of what the dance should look like. Don’t get your hopes up expecting this from our “Stars,” because it’s not happening. In other words, don’t try this at home. Tony, Elena, Maksim, Karina, Brian, Kym, Alec, and Edyta perform an outstanding number set to Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now.” It’s a high energy, fun-filled dance choreographed by Maks and Tony. How good is this? If nothing else, this segment is bearable because of all the shiny silver objects on the ladies’ sequined skirts, which distract the casual viewer from the band and singer’s brutal murder of the song. (Either that, or I’m immune to bad music from watching this season of American Idol.) However, there are other highlights—there’s Maks, some dancing in the aisles, Maks, the men leap-frogging one another, Maks, and the ladies making some old geezers extremely happy by plopping onto their laps. (Not to be confused with lap-dancing, mind you. This is a family show.) Oh, and look, there’s Maks, too. To prove that you don’t have to be a star to learn to dance, Jimmy Kimmel has been brought onboard as the resident expert of THE TANGO, which is known as “the dancer’s dance.” We are even treated to a demonstration, where the nattily-attired Jimmy is joined by mustachioed parking lot security guard Guillermo, who looks lovely in his elegant red, sequined evening gown. The pair proceeds to show off the tango’s “sharp head-turns” and then romps and stomps up and down with all the grace of . . . Jimmy Kimmel and a parking lot security guard. It’s quite funny, but I just can’t help but think of George Orwell’s famous line from 1984, “Imagine a boot stamping down on a human face, forever and ever. . . .” Which, incidentally, is how long it’s taking to get to the results. A really awkward moment has Samantha trying to spit out Paulina’s name, and failing miserably, as Paulina and Alec are revealed as the first couple in the bottom two. Say, we need more entertainment, so Dionne Warwick is going to sing the only other song in her repertoire. How can a five-time Grammy winner only have two songs in her lifetime? Just saying. . . . Do you Know the Way to San Jose? Dionne does and needs to be heading back that way as this awful song is made even more awful by a “sexy salsa” rendition. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, two scantily-clad ladies wearing blue fringe attempt to dance, performing worse than our novice stars. Don’t tell anyone, but I think these girls were just working in the parking lot and Guillermo happened to pick ‘em up. Quote of the Day Our contestants want us to know what a grueling process this dancing stuff is, so there is a montage of the fear of being the first one eliminated, keeping positive, going blank when the spotlight goes on you, and the hard work involved. Some of the more noteworthy sentiments:  Ian: He’s surprised how slippery his partner’s back is when she gets all glittered up. Heather: Keeps forgetting what to do with her “club” hands and feels they are actually her biggest disability. She’s also not used to make-up making her look like a drag queen. Surely, with Sir Paul there’s a joke in there somewhere. Joey: His butt sticks out too far because he’s afraid of invading Kym’s space, and he feels uncomfortable getting so close. Surely, with Lance Bass there’s a joke in there somewhere. Brian, Portrait of a Serial Killer Before we go anywhere else, I have to address this subject, which disturbs me greatly. Everyone has been talking about how Shandi and Brian are like “Barbie and Ken,” the all-American couple. Well, this might be okay, except that at least once per show, Brian’s already-creepy faux smile degenerates into a terrifying serial killer sneer. Furthermore, he looks like a ventriloquist puppet. So, basically, this couple is a Stepford Wife holding a killer Charlie McCarthy doll. Wonderful. If that’s the all-American couple, no wonder we live in a perpetual orange alert! Hall of Shame Speaking of worrying about being the first one eliminated, the past losers of the show talk about their feeling of disgrace. Members of the Exclusive Loser’s Club include Trista Sutter, Kenny Mayne, and Tucker Carlson. Krista wins the prize for best answer to the question of how it felt to be the first one eliminated: “It sucks!” Kenny does a regular standup comedy routine, and Tucker felt he was being interrogated with the spotlight shining on him for so long. You know, that fake drama they try to create with the long pause and tick-tick-tick-tick-THUMP-tick-tick-tick music before announcing the loser. Cuts Like a Knife Finally, it’s time to find out who will join Paulina and Alec in the bottom two. Joey and Kym are safe, as well as Apolo and Julianne, John and Edyta, and Leeza and Tony. It’s down to the final two, and one couple will not be safe: Is it Billy Ray and Karina or Shandi and Brian? Billy Ray is visibly shocked at being told he’ll be dancing next week—he probably hasn’t been this baffled since his cameo in Mulholland Drive.   Yep. We’ve spent an hour (two if you count the performance recap) to find out that Paulina and Alec, and Shandi and Brian are in the bottom two. Despite being in the middle of the pack with the judges’ scoring, Paulina and Alec, sadly, are the first couple leaving. Shandi, Brian, and their coat-hanger smiles will greet us for another week. Bummer. Super-classy, super-witty, super-model Paulina takes the elimination with the grace and dignity that has defined her stay on the show, quipping, “My family is my fan base, and they were just not extensive enough.” Be sure to tune in next week for some jive, some tango, and, more importantly, some Maks.  |
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03-28-2007, 09:31 PM
| #2 | ||
| Blue Mooooooooon  Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Between neutrons
Posts: 596
| Quote:
 Quote:
 It's too bad that Paulina (very classy lady) got the boot!
__________________  Paintin' the Town Blue! | ||
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03-28-2007, 09:49 PM
| #3 |
| FORT Regular  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Southern CA
Posts: 100
| What a great recap! Doesn't make me any happier about being stuck with that demented Barbie & Ken for another week, but the recap was great!
__________________ Fondly, Sharon  |
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03-28-2007, 10:10 PM
| #4 | |
| Provoked  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: darkly dreaming
Posts: 6,588
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 Superb job, SV! 
__________________ All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve. ~ Thursday Next The truth, like humor, is where you find it. - Henry Rollins | |
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03-28-2007, 10:21 PM
| #5 | |
 happy fall y'all  Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 14,261
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 Excellent recap, SV. 
__________________ There was a star danced, and under that was I born ~ William Shakespeare - Beatrice, "Much Ado About Nothing" | |
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03-29-2007, 12:47 AM
| #7 | |
 Just Forting Around  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Anticipating roses and broken hearts
Posts: 7,271
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 SV, I've been waiting for this like a kid waiting for Santa Claus, and you did not disappoint! Excellent job, my friend, this was a joy to read.   | |
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03-29-2007, 02:58 AM
| #9 | |
| Would Rather Eat Butter  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: the balcony Age: 25
Posts: 2,299
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__________________ RealAmerican™ Elitist | |
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03-29-2007, 09:34 AM
| #10 |
| FORT Fogey  Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,288
| ShrinkingViolet, what a pleasure to read! Great recap with funny references to some guy named Maks and Samantha and her verbal Clousseau!! |
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